Gebler Special Forces Version One
by Bonnie E
Summary: This is my story about the Gebler Special Forces - Vance, Renk, Stratski, Helmholz and Broyer - and what happens to them after the battle in Nortune. Chapter 5 is finally here!
1. Country In The Clouds

_**Notes:** This is one of my main Xenogears fics, based on some my favorite guys, the Gebler Special Forces. I know I make up a lot about them, since we know basically NOTHING, but that's what fics are for, right? As always, spoilers, so don't read this chapter unless you've finished the first disk. The timeline for this fic covers disk 2, so the whole story will have other spoilers throughout.  
_

**Gebler Special Forces**  
**Chapter 1  
Country in the Clouds  
**

_My head is spinning...or is it the room?_

_No...it's not moving, I'm not moving...it's only the 'Drive'._

_My throat is so dry...I'm so thirsty..._

_I could end all this if I wanted to. Just take more, and I'll be good as new...but...I don't want to._

_But...just a few more minutes in this haze and you'll be yourself again with the Drive._

_Yourself? Who do you think you're kidding? Which one is you, Vance? The one with Drive, or the one without it? Which one do people know better?_

_The one with. It was the only way to survive. You know that._

_Yeah, but he's a bastard. Which one do you like better?_

_The one without Drive. The one I was born. The one I was before Solaris took my life away._

_Then the only way to find him is not to take the Drive._

_I know...I know...just stop the room from spinning..._

_Why did I take it? Why? I know how it makes me feel. I know how it changes me. I know who I become when I'm on it. I hate him. I hate what it makes me do, makes me think. So why?_

_Oh, yes. A good night's sleep. That's all I wanted, just a good night's sleep. I was weak. I couldn't say no to myself. Am I addicted? Drive's not supposed to be._

_No, not for someone who has nothing to hide from. But... for someone like me who's using it to hide from memories, maybe so. It certainly feels like it. It's certainly a hard habit to break. And I have no support. I have to do this on my own. Gebler wouldn't like the fact I'm not taking the required dosage, anyway. Who knows what they would do to my friends if they found out. I can't let that happen._

Vance rose slowly, swinging his legs over the edge of his bed, staring at the rug for a long time, trying to calm his head. When he felt he could stand without falling over, he did so.

He washed his face with cold water, trying to get the pounding to subside. It helped a little bit, but not as much as he would have liked. Drinking was a little better. The water slid down his throat, past a big lump that had formed in his gullet which made it uncomfortable to swallow. But the liquid helped revitalize him a little bit. At least his mouth wasn't dry anymore.

"Augh...why did I do this to myself again? Why did I take it? Stupid...just stupid...Man, what time is it? Must be early afternoon already..."

He sat before his desk, and pulled out a small notebook from the top drawer. It was his 'thinking' book. He rarely went anywhere without it tucked away in his pack, in case he came up with a revelation or idea. Hiding it from his superiors had been difficult on many occasions. Many of the earlier entries had told him the true effect Drive had on him particularly one entry, which he had read over and over again.

_Those kids would have been so easy to kill if only that moron in the black gear hadn't interfered._

Vance shivered at the thought those had been his words. When in his right mind, off the effects of Drive, he would never dream of hurting children willingly. He couldn't help hating himself for it. When he read that, it was added incentive for him to quit using Drive. Whenever he felt like reaching to take more, he tried to get to his desk and read that entry instead.

He read it again, knowing it was already too late to rectify his earlier dose the evening before. But it would help him remember the next time.

"I can do this..." he told himself, dressing in his Gebler uniform. "I have to do this. It's the only way to feel good about myself again. I have to let the nightmares chase me. I have to face them headlong... Huh! Easier said than done."

They had been called to a meeting in the gear hangar that afternoon. He supposed they would be sent to battle against the Lambs. This would be his second mission without Drive. The first, over the skies of Nortune, had ended in disaster for the Gebler Special Forces. After that, they had been removed from the surface base in Bledavik and were sent back to Etrenank, awaiting new orders. This was the first time they had gathered for a meeting since returning home.

His head still pounded, but he had no choice but to ignore it. He was already late. He left the Drive on his dressing table and left to go to this 'urgent meeting'.

"So, you got the command, too?" Renk asked when he arrived at the gear dock in Gebler Headquarters.

"Yeah."

"Think they're preparing for war on the surface?"

Vance shook his head. "I dunno."

"Well, we've gotta do something soon. The people of Etrenank are getting antsy."

"Good. I've been getting really bored with nothing to do," Stratski said.

"I heard we have a new commanding officer," Victor spoke up.

"Yeah, I heard that, too."

"A new commanding officer? Hope it's not another girl," Vance spoke with distaste.

"I heard it's one of the Elements."

"Commander Ramsus' personal troops?" Stratski questioned.

"They're all women," Helmholz added.

"Aw...man!" Vance spoke.

"Your manhood bein' insulted, Vance? Takin' orders from a chick?" Broyer said.

"Hey, you've all gotta take orders from her, too."

"It's not going to kill us," Renk said, stroking his auburn beard curiously. "Sure, Lt. Elhaym was a woman, but I tell you if she can work a gear as good as that, she's okay in my book. I'm willing to bet that this new officer's gonna be something special, too."

"Lt. Elhaym let us down. I still think we shoulda reported what really happened," Broyer quipped.

"Hey, come on," Renk chimed in. "You want her to be killed? 'Sides, we got no real proof she went off with that guy."

"She must really have it bad," Stratski said.

"Oh, and like you've never had it bad," Helmholz added.

"Hey, that's not fair! Using the past against me. Don't tell these jerks about that."

"Hey, you two. Cut it out. I think she's coming."

The five men lined up neatly in formation as the door slid open and the woman stepped in.

The demi-human stood before them all, allowing the group to sum her up quickly. She was of average build for a woman, but her hair alone added two or three inches to her height. That hair was pink and seemed to very much have a life of it's own. She had a pair of floppy bunny ears which practically fell in her face. She was dressed in a red and pink battle dress.

"Hi, all!" she spoke, her voice chippery. "Are you guys the Gebler Special Forces?"

"We are," Renk spoke.

"Oh, good. I'm your new officer, Seraphita. I don't really have a title, but...I guess I kinda like Lieutenant. So I guess you can call me Lieutenant Seraphita or Lieutenant Owens or whatever you want to. Anyway, what're your names? I'm so excited, because I love meeting new people!"

Stratski shot Helmholz a glance which Helm tried not laugh at. They were supposed to take this ditzy woman seriously?

"You!" she said, pointing right at Helm. "What's so funny?"

"Um...er...nothing."

"Oh! Good, then. I kinda thought you were laughing at me or something. What's your name?"

"Corporal Specialist Helmholz."

"Is that your first name or your last name?" she asked.

"Well...my last name."

"What's your first name?"

"Um...it's 'Victor'..."

"It's nice to meet you, Victor!" She walked over and shook his hand enthusiastically. Victor looked at Stratski with a look that said, "Yup...we're dead meat."

"What about you?" she said, turning to Victor's friend.

"Um...Corporal Specialist Stratski. Knute Stratski."

"Great! Now isn't this fun? What about you?" she asked Renk.

"Specialist Platoon Sergeant Renk Elcide."

"Good, good. What about you?"

"Corporal Specialist Vance Nye," he sighed.

"You're kinda young. How old are you?"

"Seventeen."

"Oh, you must be an ace at gear combat to be here so young!"

"Yeah, well...I guess I am."

"I'm kinda young, too. I'm good at gear combat too, even though a lot of people tell me I don't look like the type. I guess you and me have something in common, then."

"Yeah, well..."

Lieutenant Seraphita stepped up to Broyer, a big man who easily dwarfed her (and everyone else around him, by the way). He looked very nervous for some reason.

"What about you?" she asked, then looked up, her green eyes seeming especially interested.

"Um...er...um..." Broyer stammered. "It's uh...F... Fi...Finn...Finn Broyer...um...yeah. Finn Broyer."

"Um..." she spoke.

There was a long pause as the two stared at each other. And stared...and stared...

"Uh, I have a question..." Knute said, breaking the profound silence.

"What?" she asked, tilting her head, almost as if unwilling to take her eyes off of Broyer.

"Um...are you for real? I mean, Commander Ramsus can't be serious putting you in charge of the Special Forces, can he?"

Finn hit Knute on the arm, almost knocking him over. "Shut up, Stratski!"

Seraphita looked genuinely hurt. "You don't think I can do it, do you? You think I'm kinda dumb, right?"

"No! You're not dumb at all!" Finn spoke.

"Oh...Finn..." she sighed.

"Oh, brother..." Vance spoke, rolling his eyes.

"Yeah, sometimes I'm not too smart...but I'm kinda good at what I do. When Lieutenant Elhaym was pronounced MIA, I was promoted to the Elements, and since I'm the fire element and Elhaym was the fire element before, I take her place here as commanding officer of the Special Forces. And if you guys don't like it, that's too bad!" she said, looking serious. But then her face became cheery again. "But I'm sure we're gonna end up getting along famously, right? Good!"

Her eyes went back to Finn Broyer.

"Um...it's Seraphita, right?" he asked.

"Yeah...but...my friend Tolone calls me Sera. You can call me Sera if you want to, Finn."

"Uh...okay...Sera, then."

Once again, a mutual admiration stare ensued and the other four guys got really impatient.

"Um...Lieutenant...do you have any orders for us?" Knute asked.

"Uh...well, no. I just wanted to meet you all so we could start being friends now. If you want to, you can go."

"Good," Knute said, high-tailing it out of there, leaving Sera and Finn to stare.

"Man...that's sickening," Vance said. "Can I throw up now?"

"Don't see love at first sight very often," Renk said. "Those two are made for each other."

"Yeah. Combined their IQs probably add up to about the same as a normal human," Knute added. "Could only get better."

"Hey, you must've never been in love before, Knute," Renk said.

"She'd have to be someone pretty special to catch his interest for more than a week," Victor added.

"Hey, that's not fair, Vic. I'll find her in due time. She's out there, I just haven't met her yet."

"Yeah, me neither," Victor continued. "But...she'd have to be calm and smart. You probably just want a girl who will let you get your rocks off."

"Hey, that's not true! I'm looking for a lot more than that."

"Yeah, I guess she'd have to be a member of the Knute Stratski Fan Club and shower you with compliments 24 hours a day."

"Hmm...that wouldn't be so bad..."

"Well, I've found my special girl. Lucky for me," Renk said.

"Yeah, well, that's because you're an old bag, Renk. We'd worry about you if you hadn't."

"Hey, hey..."

"Alright, guys. Enough about this, okay?" Vance said.

"Why not? Aren't you old enough to start looking at girls? You still think they're icky, don't you?"

"Hey, give me some credit, okay? Of course I look at girls. I just think love is overrated. That's all."

"Yeah, you've never been in love," Renk said.

"I... Never mind," Vance said. "Say, when's Ayra gonna be cooking that special thing with the ariberries and applelily again?"

"I dunno. She's been having a hard time finding the ingredients these days with all that chaos with the gates and stuff. She heard a shipment of supplies from the surface is going to arrive in three days and she hopes she'll be able to get the fruit for it. 'Till then we're all outta luck."

"Anyone going to watch the Emperor on Homevision tonight?" Victor asked.

"Ppfh!" Knute said. "More lip service to the masses. I don't need to watch that garbage to know things are going to be okay."

"Actually, I think there's a real danger," Victor said. "I'm surprised we weren't summoned to go into battle. I'd psyched myself for it and everything."

"Ayra's really worried, too. If the Lambs invade this land, it's gonna be chaos," Renk said. "I just don't want Ayra and Danie to get hurt."

"Yeah, well, you guys can be all paranoid about it, I'm going to bed instead. Tell me if I miss anything interesting."

"I'm going, too. See you guys," Victor said, following Knute in.

Renk saluted and walked on with Vance in silence.

"You're awfully quiet," Renk spoke. "Unusually quiet, kid. Something bugging you?"

"Well...no, I guess..."

Renk looked at his lower-ranked troop and friend.

"Are you on 'Drive'?" he asked.

Vance shook his head.

"Yeah, I thought not. That's what it is, then."

They walked on. Renk spoke again. "It's rare when you're not on it."

"Renk...forget it. It's no big deal."

"Okay, whatever."

They reverted back to silence.

"Say, Renk..." Vance said suddenly.

"Yeah, kid?"

"Um...it's, well..."

"Spit it out."

He wanted to tell him everything about the nightmares, the entry in his diary, how he'd been taking Drive just to survive, but he couldn't find the words. It wasn't the right time. It would never be the right time.

"Um...oh, never mind. I'm going to go now."

"See you later."

Vance crossed the hall to the apartment beside Renk's, where he lived, leaving Renk to wonder whether all was right with the young man.

oooooooooo

Renk watched Vance slowly enter his apartment. Ever since he had met him, Renk had noticed two completely different sides to the young man. The Vance on Drive was a narcisistic jerk, while the one off Drive was much more quiet, a little quirky, less into himself. There was someting sad about that Vance, though, like he had some sort of burden resting on his soul.

"I wonder what's eating him?"

Renk decided to push away his thoughts, and entered his own apartment.

He was attacked by a young girl with a book in her hand.

"Daddy, daddy! Look what I got!"

He knelt down to meet her at eye level. He took the book from the girl and looked at it.

"Welll...what is this, now?"

"There was this guy giving it out at school. It's all about purging the Lambs and stuff...it's about these evil Lambs who tried to invade Solaris and how the army beat them all up and kicked them out."

"I see...sounds like a good book."

"She's been reading it ever since she got home from school," came a calm, feminine voice. Renk's wife stood in the doorway to the kitchen, wiping her hands on a dishtowel.

"Hey, Ayra. I'm back."

"I can see that." The woman approached him and pecked him on the cheek. "I'm glad you're back."

"Can you make out all the words?" he asked the young girl.

"Most of 'em! But...I waited for you to come home so we could read the ending together."

He stroked his beard. "Well, then...let me eat some dinner, and I can read you the ending, how about that?"

"Yeah!"

"But you're gonna have to fill me in on exactly what happened before."

"I will! I will!"

"Danie, it's time for your shower."

"Aw, mommy..."

"No arguing. Go..." the woman said, pushing her daughter along.

"Okay...I'll go," Danie said, slumping her shoulders.

"Honestly, what is it with children and showers?" she said, placing her hands on her hips and shaking her head.

"I dunno."

"I thought you had an urgent meeting."

"Well, it turned out it wasn't quite so urgent. We got a new Lieutenant. Some pink-haired ditz from the Elements class. She just wanted to meet us and become friends. How she ever got through Jugend is beyond me. It's supposed to be a really hard school."

"More than likey she's smarter than she appears."

"Yeah, you're probably right. Most of the time the Commander knows what he's doing, and she wouldn't have gotten so far without having some kind of talent. Ain't her brains, though. But Finn and she seemed to hit it off pretty well. Wouldn't be surprised to see them spending quite a lot of time together in the near future."

"Hopefully the distant future, too. I can't wait to meet her."

"Well, Finn's kinda thick sometimes, but to see him find someone who can barely match wits with him is great, I guess. So, what's for dinner?"

"Well, it's not grang steaks if that's what you're hoping for. That shipment still hasn't come in yet, so I had to make meatloaf."

"Hey, meatloaf's fine, you know that. You're the only person I know who can make it edible, Ayra."

"Wish I could like it as much. Whatever this weird meat is, it just doesn't quite cut it, you know? I wonder sometimes what kind of beasts they make it from."

"If they don't tell you, you probably don't wanna know."

"Oooh...that's a rather disgusting thought."

"I know, isn't it? Anyway, bring it on."

She scooped it onto the plate, along with some strange vegetables.

"You know, when you were in Bledavik, Danie was asking about what the surface is like."

"Really?"

"She wants to know how many Lambs you purged when you were down there."

Renk cleared his throat. "Kids sure grow up fast these days, don't they?"

Ayra nodded. "I tried to tell her that you weren't put on the surface to do that, but she wouldn't believe it. Could you explain to her that Gebler does other things besides purging the Lambs? She doesn't listen to me, and you're her hero."

"I'll talk to her, yeah."

"Good. Now eat your meatloaf."

He nodded.

"I'm just glad you didn't come home on Drive. That stuff changes you, Renk. I don't really like it."

"Yeah, I know. But Gebler says it makes us fight better, and if we work hard, we get promoted, right?"

She nodded, seeming only slightly convinced. She changed the subject. "The Dedication starts at seven o'clock. I hope it's good news."

"I hope so, too just so things will calm down a little bit here. Everyone's so tense about this gate thing and Lambs getting in here and stuff. Danie doesn't know about it, does she?"

"Not that I'm aware of. Unless she learned it in school."

"Hmm...well, she didn't seem scared."

"Well, you know her. If there is something wrong, she's more likely to confide in you than me."

"I'm dreading when those women-type problems come up and I can't answer 'em."

"Don't worry. Just forward them to me."

"I don't think I'll have much choice."

"It won't make much difference anyway. She'll always be your little girl, right, Renk?"

"Of course! Even when she's forty, she'll always be a child in my head. But let me just enjoy her childhood while she's got it for now."

Ayra laughed. "Yeah. Sure."

oooooooooo

"And then Mr. Lamb said, 'You stupid Solarians! I'm gonna to kill you all!'

The Great Gebler said, 'No way, you barbarian! We have superior weapons and superior intelligence. There's no way you could even come close to defeating us!'

Great Gebler and his men charged Mr. Lamb and his men. They fought for a long time, but soon Great Gebler got the upper hand because he had superior intelligence and superior weapons. The Lambs were all lying down in terrible pain. The Great Gebler's men rounded up the Lambs and sent them to jail in the Soylent forever. Great Gebler, having reigned victorious against the savage Lambs, lived happily ever after. THE END."

"Wow! That was a good story. Great Gebler really beat those bad Lambs up, didn't he?"

"Yeah. He got 'em good."

"Just like you, daddy, right?"

"Yeah, just like me."

"When you were on the surface, were you scared of the Lambs?"

"No. They weren't that scary."

"That's because you had good weapons and were smarter, right?"

"Well...I guess so."

"How many Lambs did you purge on the surface?"

"Purge...do you even know what that means?"

"Well...I guess it sort of means something like killing, right?"

"That's exactly what it means when it's used like that."

"And Solaris people purge Lambs, right?"

"Well, sometimes we do."

"Especially people in Gebler, like you, right?"

"Well, sometimes, yes."

"So how many did you purge in Bledavik?"

"I wasn't sent to the surface to purge the Lambs, Danie. I was sent down to support the Aveh army in their war with Kislev."

"So you...were working with Lambs?"

"Well, sort of. We were a separate force from the surface's troops, but we did provide support in battles they couldn't handle on their own."

"So instead of purging all Lambs, you only purged ones from Kislev, right?"

Renk thought about it. "I suppose so. If you put it that way. But we weren't put down there to purge Lambs. Not directly. If they wanted us to, there were specific orders to do so, but that wasn't our primary purpose of being there."

"Oh."

"So, you see Gebler does more than just purge Lambs. We keep balance in the war on the surface, too. And other things."

"Oh."

The girl was deep in thought.

"I once asked a question in school, and I got in a lot of trouble for it. But...I really wanna know something. If it makes me bad, I don't mean to be, but...can I ask you?"

"Well, sure. If it's leaving a buzz in your head, why not?"

"Why do we purge Lambs?"

Renk sat there. Such an insightful question for such a young girl. He had thought about it briefly himself, but then it was overcome with the 'work hard, get promoted' slogan Solaris had drilled into him long ago.

"Well...that's sort of a hard question to answer."

"Am I bad, daddy?"

"Well...no, I don't think so. It's just something we really shouldn't think about."

"But why not?"

"Well...I suppose you know it already. Asking that question can get you in a lot of trouble. So don't ask anyone else, okay?"

"Well...okay, daddy. If you say so."

Renk tucked her in carefully, just the way she liked it. He couldn't help noticing she was ready to ask another question.

"What is it, princess?" he asked.

"Could the story in my book come true, daddy? Could Lambs really come to Solaris?"

Renk paused carefully. "Well...I don't know for sure. We're all sort of hoping they won't."

"I heard about the gates breaking from a kid at school, and that the Emperor was going to go on television tonight to talk about it."

"Are you scared?"

"No. Because I know if they come that you'll get them, won't you, daddy?"

"Well, I..."

"Promise me. You've gotta promise me you'll kill the Lambs if they try to hurt me."

"Well...Okay. I promise I'll always protect you."

She smiled brightly. "I love you, daddy."

"I love you too, princess." He kissed her on the forehead. "Now go to bed."

She nodded, closing her eyes. "Good night, daddy."

"Good night."

Back in the living area, where he and Ayra slept, his wife sat before the Homevision.

"What's going on?"

"The Emperor is entering the plaza. He hasn't said anything yet."

Renk sat next to his wife on the couch, and turned towards the television.

From his opalescent throne, Solaris' Emperor Cain spoke, "My beloved children, you can be at ease. The Gazel Ministry and I planned the destruction of the gate long ago. The people chosen by god...we, the Gazel, will return to God's paradise. To the sleeping mother god...The time for our immortality has come. We have opened the door to 'Mahanon'...the place where god rests, the source of wisdom and power. The surface dwellers will no doubt use this opportunity to seize its power. However, there is no need to be concerned...As long as Solaris has this power. Let's show stupid beasts, the Lambs, our real power."

Fireworks erupted in the sky above the Emperor as another platform beside Emperor Cain rose. A golden-haired man stood on it.

"Wow! Krelian! Haven't seen his face in years," Renk said.

"Not since the Great Plague in the Worker Bee camps," Ayra spoke. "Must be pretty dire if he's showing his face in public."

"Children of the Emperor, please open your heart," Krelian spoke. "The gate we control was removed by will of the Emperor. However, there are foolish beasts here defiling our holy land with their feet. These beasts destroyed the gate and want to remove the Emperor from the throne in the confusion. This is a grave matter. The Emperor's throne has been polluted. We cannot rest yet. Those imbeciles have been caught and shackled like the dogs they are!"

Ayra looked at Renk with fear. "What what do they mean? The Lambs are already here!"

More platforms rose and from each one, a hologram was projected those of five Lambs, all sentient but not all human, chained down and helpless.

"Oh...my god!" Ayra spoke. "Is that them? Is that what they look like?"

Renk nodded and placed his arm around her, knowing she had never seen them before and was probably nervous.

"They're scary! What is that big one there? He's immense!"

"A demi-human, no doubt. He is kinda scary-looking, yeah," Renk said.

Ayra looked at them all quizzically.

"Still, though, I never imagined they'd look so much like us..."

"That kid there...look at his colouring...could he have been born here?" Renk questioned. "He's in an Ethos uniform, too."

"Well, if Krelian says he's a Lamb, he's a Lamb..."

Krelian went on. "To revive our progenitors, the Gazel of old, the day after tomorrow, these land dwellers will be disposed of in the Soylent System. So Etrenank and Solaris are safe for the time being. But it will require your constant effort. Please report all suspicious activity directly to your superiors. We must all work together to save ourselves from destruction."

Cain spoke again. "That is all. Stay well and work hard, everyone."

The Dedication ended in another shower of fireworks.

Ayra squeezed his hand nervously. "I can't believe they broke through... under our noses and we didn't even know... maybe... maybe there's more of them...?"

"Don't worry. If there are, they'll be flushed out. Krelian and the Emperor said things are under control. So they're under control."

"I suppose..."

"Hmmm..." Renk said, standing up.

Ayra also rose. "I wonder what the Emperor meant about returning to immortality... to the sleeping mother god? I don't get what they mean."

"I think it's good, anyway."

"I wonder what that means for us?"

"Probably just that things are going to get better instead of worse around here."

"Yeah, probably. But...I hope they're right."

"We have to believe they're right."

"Mmm..." Ayra spoke, pushing a button. The couch they had been sitting on turned into a bed.

She eyed Renk with a hopeful gaze. "Do you think we can ever be promoted to first class?"

"Well...if we both work hard and do our duty, then I don't see why not."

She smiled warmly. "Good. I'd love to have a garden some day. I'd grow all my favourite flowers, just like the ones in Arbot Plaza. I'd love to fill my house with flowers some day."

"You'll get that. I promise you. I'll work hard to give you all those things."

"I'll work hard, too."

"We both will. Now don't worry about the Lambs. You heard the Emperor. They planned for it to happen this way. Those Lambs are going to the Soylent facility. They have it under control."

"I know...but I'm still concerned."

Renk held her. "That's just you bein' you. Never let your guard down for anything. Listen, let me promise you something."

"What?"

"If the Lambs overcome this land, I'll protect you and Danie with my life. You two are the most important things in the world to me, and I'd never let anything bad happen to you."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

"Okay. I'll accept that."

"Great. Now I should get some sleep."

Ayra nodded. "Me too, I guess."

Renk pecked her on the cheek. "Good night, dove."

She turned out the light, and Renk sat sitting in the darkness. Strange thoughts went through his mind mainly Danie's question, "Why do we purge Lambs?"

Lieutenant Elhaym had asked them before their last mission on the surface, regarding the Lambs, "They're human...the same as us, right?" He had thought those kinds of feelings were unusual, especially since she was a Gazel. But he admitted to feeling the same way about their mission in Nortune, he just didn't have the background or rank to say so aloud.

He had no recollection of his life before coming to Solaris, so there was a good chance he had been born on the surface. Whatever his old life had been, he certainly couldn't recall it to miss it. Ayra had been born to two generations of third class worker bees, so didn't know the surface, and only had Solaris' visions of the surface and surface-dwellers, and Danie would probably be the same way. But he had just spent three months on the surface and had seen how things were there.

_I suppose not all of the Lambs deserve to be purged...there were some good people in Bledavik. Hmm...not to say some of 'em shouldn't be. That idiot in the black gear that Elhaym ran off with...yeah, I'd really love to get him..._

He looked over at his wife, her face peaceful as she slept, her slow, even breathing filling his ears with its familiar song.

_Ayra...you're not the only one who's worried. I wonder... does Emperor Cain have this as under control as he says? What's he hiding from us? Something big's gonna happen. I can't help getting this feeling in my gut..._

oooooooooo

Two days passed uneventfully in Etrenank, with the people happier in the news that they were safe from the Lambs. The Gebler Special Forces even began to believe it would be awhile before they would be called back into active duty. Gebler had been pretty much calm, with no activity within Solaris, or on the surface. Since pulling out of Bledavik, life had been more than dull.

Except for Finn Broyer. He had something other than Gebler or Solaris' well-being on his mind. Instead he had Seraphita on it.

It was their third date in as many days. Starry-eyed and light-footed, their relationship only grew stronger as they spent time together, talking and getting to know one another.

After spending a day together Etranstrolling hand-in-hand, Sera invited Finn back to her apartment to watch a movie and eat some popcorn. He anxiously accepted her request, because he had never been to the first class levels of Etrenank before, and was anxious to see them. He also wanted to see Sera's apartment. He had heard the apartments in that block of the city were much larger than anything he would have imagined.

"This is it!" she spoke excitedly, pushing in the code to open the door.

"This hallway alone is huge!" Finn spoke. He had also been impressed by the outside of the low-rise apartment. This was the form of housing for the 1st class non-Gazel, the highest rank any former worker bee could ever hope to achieve, and the one they all aspired to. Just seeing the size of the place gave Finn added incentive to work hard and get himself promoted.

"Wait until you see the inside! I've got five rooms!"

"Five rooms? Wow, that's big!"

"Yeah! I've got a living room and a dining room and a kitchen and a bedroom and a bathroom. And my bedroom's big! The shower's even got a little wall around it!"

"That's amazing. I can't wait to see it."

"It's so much bigger than the worker bee camps! They've only got one room there."

"I know. It stinks, too."

"Yeah. Well, here it is."

Sera showed it off with a flourish of her hands.

Yes, it was definitely bigger. Very much bigger, but...

It was a pigsty! The very sight of it made Finn's hair stand on end.

The one thing he couldn't stand was a messy living space. His own apartment was immaculate and squeaky clean. The guys often teased him about it, but it was just his way. The slightest bit of disarray would set off his balance.

"What do you think? Isn't it great?"

"Oh...yeah, it's wonderful!" he said, stepping in.

She kicked off her shoes and said, "Want me to give you a tour?"

"Well...I guess so, but..."

"Great! Follow me!"

Finn felt that closed-in feeling he always felt where there was too much clutter around him.

"Uh...just give me a second to take off my boots."

"Oh! Okay!"

He took his own boots off and neatly put them by the door. Then he picked up hers and placed them neatly on the mat. He also straightened the other pairs of shoes.

"Well, that's that. Let's start the tour! This is the living room," she announced.

He saw a stack of comics had fallen over in her bookcase. He neatened them quickly, and began to rearrange them in alphabetical order when she skirted him off to the next room.

"This is my dining room, only I don't really do a lot of eating here unless I get take-out because I really can't cook very good."

A chair in her dining room was piled high with papers and a sweater hung over the back. He picked up the pile of papers and put them in the recycler for pick-up. He took the sweater from the back of the chair and looked for a coat rack or something.

She pushed him into another room.

"This is my kitchen. I don't use it much, either. But I did try to make Tolone a birthday cake in here once. It was a disaster. It was as hard as a rock. Tolone ate it, though. Dominia refused to, though. I guess it didn't taste too bad, but..."

Finn tuned out her story, quickly observing the dirty dishes in the sink. For someone who claimed not to use this room much, it certainly looked otherwise. He took a pot which sat on the stove and put it in the sink. He then began to pile dishes on the counter to wash them.

"Finny, are you listening to me?" she asked.

"Oh! Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Of course I am."

"Oh, good! I'll show you my bedroom now!"

She dragged him across the living area to an adjacent hallway.

"This is the bedroom, and this is the shower! Check it out! I've got a neat wall here to cover me up when I'm having a shower!"

"Yeah! That's really neat!" he said, looking around desperately for a cleaner that would help clear the mildew from her shower glass. Before he could find anything even vaguely resembling that, she dragged him to the bathroom.

"This is the bathroom," she giggled. "Of course, you know what I do here."

"Uh...yeah..." he said, picking up a soggy towel from the rack and running it over her sink. When the pink hairs halfway down the drain would not untangle from some unseen force, he looked in the cabinet for drain cleaner.

"Well, that's enough of the tour! Let's just watch the movie! I'll make some popcorn and be right back!"

"Yeah! Great!" Finn said, looking around at what he should do first. He just couldn't leave the place looking like this. He picked up some of the clothes on the couch, observed them to see whether they were clean or dirty, and chose the latter option.

"Do you have a hamper?" he asked.

"Oh, yeah! It's in the bathroom!" she said. "Why?"

"Um...no reason."

She came out of the kitchen a couple minutes later with a bowl of popcorn.

"Finny...?" she asked, watching him as he straightened up her apartment.

"Yeah?"

"What are you doing? Are we going to watch the movie?"

"Well...uh, yeah. I'll be right over."

"Why are you cleaning my apartment?"

"Well...um...I just thought I...I was just trying to help. I guess you've been too busy to clean, right?"

"Clean? Oh, I do that sometimes, but I'm not very good at it. It's kinda obvious, huh?"

"Well...er..."

"Yeah. My friend Tolone says I'm a real slob 'cause I never clean my apartment. It looks like you're good at it, though. You must do it a lot, then. I guess it's kinda rare when the guy's all neat and the woman's a bit messy, right? Usually it's the other way around, right?"

"Yeah, I guess."

"You really don't have to do that."

"Oh...well, yeah. I really do."

She laughed. "Finn, you're so funny!"

He looked at her again. She was just so cute. At first he doubted his feelings for her when he saw the condition of her apartment, but how could he turn down that sweet laugh, and those sparkling eyes?

She sat on the couch, putting the bowl on the table. A little bit of the popcorn fell out of it and all over the floor. He reached for a broom and swept it up.

"Finn? Aren't you gonna come over and have some popcorn?"

He looked around the apartment. It looked presentable, he supposed. He could live with it. And even knowing she was a slob didn't turn him off, which surprised him.

He also plopped down on the couch next to her and she put on the movie. He had seen it before and had not been immensely impressed by it. That made it all the easier for him to be distracted by the occasional bits of disorganization around her apartment, but he tried to ignore them and enjoy himself. As the movie went on, it became easier. Sera's presence took away the feelings of insecurity he had when in messy surroundings.

"That was a good movie! I liked it a lot, what did you think, Finn?"

"It was okay. I liked the company more, though."

"Company? Oh! Oh, Finn, that's so sweet..."

He glanced at his watch.

"Well, it's late. I had a great time."

"Yeah, I had a great time, too. And thanks for cleaning my apartment. It was really sweet of you. You're so nice, Finn."

She kissed him suddenly, and it took him completely by surprise. That sealed it for him. She was the _one_. The one he had dreamed for all his life. Who cared if she was a slob? He could get over it. Perhaps the guys were right when they said he was a neat freak. Maybe he had to learn to live with things not being one hundred percent straight or clean.

"Let's go out again tomorrow," he said.

"Yeah. I'd love that. What should we do?"

"Maybe we can check out the races."

"The races? That sounds fun!"

"Okay, we'll do that, then. Same time. In front of the import store. Maybe that shipment of ariberries will be in and we can have some for breakfast."

"Mmm! I love them!"

"Well...I'll see you tomorrow, then..."

"Yeah..."

He leaned in and kissed her this time.

She was blushing as he walked away. He couldn't see that he also was.

**End of Chapter 1**

_This is one of what will probably be about five or six chapters. I currently have three finished. Really, it gets more interesting in later chapters. Please review and let me know what you think. I don't mind hearing criticism, honest. I've been around awhile and have a fairly thick skin. This chapter was written several years ago, and you can really see how my writing has improved from chapter 1 to chapter 5. If you're interested, please stick around. And enjoy._

* * *

_Xenogears, its situations, world and the Gebler Special Forces are (c) 2000 by Square._


	2. Etrenank, Fallen City

Gebler Special Forces - Chapter 2

**Gebler Special Forces   
Chapter 2   
Etrenank: Fallen City**

_Here's the second chapter! Really, it's more exciting than the first one. Battles aren't my forte, but I think I did a decent enough job here._

* * *

In the darkness he shot awake, his body caked in sweat. He had seen it all again, as he had since he had sworn off Drive -- the black images that he had held with him for over three years. 

He wiped his eyes free of the tears that streamed down his face, his body shaking all over. For once, couldn't he just sleep through the night? 

Vance rose, turning on his bedside light and sitting quietly on the end of his bed. 

"I can't take much more of this....why can't they just leave me alone?" he mumbled. 

He saw his rationed portion of Drive sitting over on his dresser, hidden behind his numerous personal grooming items. He hadn't taken any in three days, and was rather proud of himself. Even such a short span of time was a victory for him. He would have thrown it out and never looked at it again if only he wasn't given a new supply every week. Throwing it away would also be futile, since he suspected Solaris went through people's garbage. 

For a moment he was tempted by the yellow liquid staring back at him, promising to take the horrible images away. The blurring exhaustion caused by not sleeping was weakening his will. He knew it would only be a matter of time before he took it again. 

He stood, going over to the commode and reaching for it. 

"No..." he told himself aloud. "Never again....never again..." 

He wiped his eyes again. "This whole thing sucks. Solaris sucks, Gebler sucks...Drive really sucks. God, isn't there anything I can do?" 

He shook his head. "No. Just don't take Drive, and keep your mind clean, and you'll find a way out of this. You've gotta have faith in yourself, Vance." 

He brought out his thinking book and opened it to the next blank page, since he had given up on sleep completely. It was pointless, he knew it. Besides, it was so close to sunrise, there was no reason to even try. 

_Nightmares,_ he wrote. _Haunting me with memories of a time I'd rather forget. I can't get them out of my sleep, despite all my attempts to push them out of my conscious mind. The only thing that takes them away is Drive. But that stuff makes me feel so awful, and turns me into such a horrible person that I just can't take it anymore. I curse the people who failed in re-programming me and my mind that won't let it work. It would be easier to be a soldier if I couldn't remember my freedom, my family...all the things we're told to throw aside in Solaris. Or that Solaris rips away from you. _

I hate it here. I just want to leave, but I don't want to lose anyone else. Who would it be if I was to go? Who would they blame it on and execute? Victor, Knute, Finn, Renk...those guys are my only friends. Nobody is so valuable to Solaris that they're safe from recycling or re-programming. Except for me. They insist on keeping me alive to this misery. I wish I had been put to death, too. 

In many ways I envy our old officer, Lt. Elhaym. She left this place, and now she is free. I am forever trapped here, like a caged animal who paces back and forth, never able to accept its fate. I simply can't believe this is all there is. Work hard, get promoted. I don't want to accept that's all there is to it -- this empty existence I'm forced to live for a place I don't love and a cause I can't believe in. 

I want God to take me away from all this. I want him to send a guardian angel to take me from here. If that can only be through death, then so be it. I just want it soon. 

Please, God, answer me. 

He leaned back in his chair, his blue eyes looking up to the sky. 

"God, please...." he whispered. 

Then a squeal filled his ears. It was a red alert code. 

"All gear pilots to your gears....all gear pilots to your gears... Etrenank is under attack. I repeat, Etrenank is under attack...all civilians proceed to your closest shelter...I repeat..." 

Vance wondered for a moment if it was some strange sign, but he didn't have time to question it. If he didn't come to battle he would endanger his friends, and he wouldn't let that happen. He dressed quickly and stuffed the book and emergency rations in his pack, then rushed off to the Special Forces dock. 

* * * * * * 

Renk shot awake at the first sound of the alarm. He didn't want to admit to himself that he had expected this for days. Before he could comprehend his actions, he was rushing into his uniform. 

_I knew the Emperor was just paying us lip service. I could feel it coming. I don't know how, but sometimes you just get this sense..._

"Ayra...you'd better hurry," he said. "The shelter's not far from here. You remember where it is?" 

The quaver in his wife's voice went straight to his heart. "Y - yes... It's happened, hasn't it? The Lambs have come to save their friends..." 

"I don't know for sure...but it's a safe assumption." 

"Renk...I'm scared...." 

"I know, I know...I am, too. But...there's nothing you can do about it right now. Get Danie ready and hurry off. There's no time to waste." 

He took his ration of Drive from the cabinet and stuck it in his pocket. He decided to wait and take it after his wife and daughter were no longer there to see it change him. 

"I wanna take Mr. Bear. Is it okay if I take Mr. Bear?" Danie said as she clung on to a ratty teddy bear. 

"I don't see why not, just hold on to him tightly," Ayra said, hustling her to the hall to put on her shoes. 

"You'll protect us, daddy, right?" Danie asked. 

"Yeah. I will. You can count on that." 

Ayra kissed him quickly. "Come back safely..." she said. 

"I'll be careful." 

He kissed Danie on the forehead. 

"Mind your mom, okay?" 

"Yeah." 

"And don't be scared. Be strong for me and for your mom, okay?" 

"I'm not scared. Mr. Bear isn't scared, either." 

"Well, that's good. You both better hurry off." 

He watched sadly as they left. 

_Ayra, I know you always hate it when I go into battle. I can't blame you. You never know if you're going to come back or not. You can never know when your time's gonna come. I know it would do you a lot of good for me to leave the military and do something safe, but...I don't know how to do anything but work a gear. Or that's all I've been able to remember knowing, anyway. It's a job, and if I work hard we can get promoted, and maybe some day I won't have to do any real fighting any more._

He wasn't satisfied until they were both out the door. He hated the Drive ritual, but it was all a part of being in Gebler. The serum ran into his arm with a burning sensation that spread throughout his entire body. He could never really remember any negative effects it had on him -- only what Ayra had told him. But it enhanced his ability to use his gear, which was the whole point. And if the situation proved to be dangerous, he knew there was no other way. He had a couple promises to keep. 

* * * * * * 

Vance arrived at the gear dock last. Seraphita and the other guys were already waiting for him. 

"Hey, Vance! You're late!" 

"Sorry, guys. I'm here now." 

"No more time to waste, guys, this is WAY serious. There's this big, red gear tearing up the capital. I have Element duties to back up the Commander because he's going to engage the gear directly, so I'm leaving Renk in charge of you guys. Just do what you can to slow that gear down. You okay with that?" 

"Sounds good. Move out, guys!" Renk called out. 

Victor, Vance and Knute all headed for their gears. Finn and Sera remained back on the deck, merely staring at each other. 

"You be careful," Finn spoke. 

"You too," she spoke. 

One of Finn's gigantic arms went around her waist, and he pulled her closer to him. 

"Oh, Finn..." 

He leaned in and kissed her. As the guys watched, it seemed like forever. If they hadn't been in their gears, they would have cast each other somewhat shocked glances at the sudden seriousness of Finn and Sera's relationship. They hadn't known the two had spent almost all of the last three days together. 

"Goodbye, Lieutenant...." he whispered. 

"You'd better go..." she said. 

"Yeah. See you later." 

Finn finally broke free from her and ran to his gear. 

"Well, that was pretty damn fast..." Knute called out as Broyer powered up his gear. 

"Yeah, well, Sera's a great woman. She's just...so great..." 

"Alright, Finn, 'nuf gushing. We've got work to do. Move out!" Renk said. "Whatever you do...stay together. I want to get this over with quickly and get home." 

"There's just one gear? How hard could that be?" Knute spoke up. 

"Must be some gear to have all these troops after it," Victor spoke. 

"Impossible. It's just one gear. How...?" 

They flew outside Etrenank, into the skies where it hovered. There were plenty of explosions going on, but not even one was the destruction of the red gear. Rather, it was the red gear's reign of destruction. 

Vance looked around. He would have cursed his lack of Drive, had he not sworn off it so strongly. A bit of enhancement from the Drive couldn't hurt here on the battlefield. 

"I don't see him," Vance said, checking every scanner he had. 

Renk also looked around. "Look! There he is! By the side panels." 

The five of them headed towards the battle. 

A golden gear flew onto the battlefield, followed by an envoy of four more, keeping a safe distance. 

"Is that Commander Ramsus' gear? The Vendetta?" Victor asked. 

"That is one amazing gear..." Knute added. 

"Stop admiring the scenery," Renk called out. "Remember, our goal is the red gear..." 

They closed in on it, with which it stopped it's assault of the side panels. It turned and faced the troops with a cocky stance. 

"Oh? Well, now...this is amusing..." came the almost deadpan voice of the red gear's pilot. 

"Everyone, back off! This is between me and him!" came the voice of Commander Ramsus over their com equipment. 

"But....Commander....?" came another voice. 

"Elements! You, too!" 

"See reason! He's much too strong!" came the same voice. 

"STAY OUT OF THIS, DOMINIA! He's mine!" 

Gebler's elite troops backed off, leaving their commander-in-chief to his wishes. 

"Huh...." came the enemy gear pilot's voice again. "I don't have time to deal with the likes of all of you..." 

A golden glow surrounded the gear as it appeared to be gathering some kind of energy. 

Renk sensed there was something really wrong with the situation, so he responded. 

"Pull back! He's gonna go ballistic!" 

Renk flew off and his troops followed. 

They heard the explosion as several other regular gear troops were blown into bits behind them. 

"Whoa....that was close..." Knute said. 

"My tail is fried..." Victor called out. 

"Seriously? Can you still fight?" Renk asked. 

"I think so. If I can't, I'll pull back." 

"Fair. Just don't overestimate your abilities, Helm." 

"Right." 

"Commands?" Finn asked. 

"He's really strong...but we have to follow Commander Ramsus' orders. We'll stay back here and see how the Commander does. If he runs into trouble, be ready to step in. Protect the capital at all costs." 

Commander-in-chief Ramsus' gear engaged the red gear, wobbling slightly from the force of the previous explosion. 

"Commander, step back...your gear is damaged!" came the same female voice. 

"No! I can -- still fight...." 

"Ha ha ha ha ha...." came a low-tone chuckle from the red gear. "This one's got nerve...but I like it. Didn't I already rip your arms off once? Want me to do it again?" 

"You.....because of you....." 

Ramsus' gear attacked the enemy, sending a white-hot beam of energy towards it. There was a blinding flash of light, and it appeared like the crimson machine had been knocked back. But as the normal sunlight returned, the enemy still stood in his place with the same cocky stance. 

"Is that all you have? You're going to have to do better than that..." 

Ramsus tossed another ray at it, but nothing seemed to penetrate the gear's seemingly impenetrable armor. 

"Why.....won't you fall..? Dammit!" Ramsus shouted. 

The Special Forces watched and listened from a careful distance off. 

"Whoa....that's some gear...it's invincible!" Knute said. "I've seen beams like the Commander's rip battleships apart!" 

"If Ramsus' gear can't dent it, there's not much we're gonna be able to do," Vance said. 

"We've gotta try. That's our duty," Renk reminded. 

Vance thought, _Huh! Duty...I'd feel a sense of duty if I felt any loyalty to this country. The only thing which keeps me fighting here is fear._

Renk continued, "Besides, I have a promise to keep. Fight your hardest, okay?" 

The enemy gear put its metal hand on its waist. "Hmph. This is just wasting my time. Take this!" 

He blasted the main firing line. There was a man's scream, then a woman's. 

Vance saw that Ramsus' gear was immobilized, and another of the gears surrounding him was spinning out of control. 

"Commander!" came the female voice from earlier. 

"Sera!" came another one. 

"Sera?" Finn spoke. "Oh, no! Sera!" 

There were no more words from Broyer. He and Aegisknight were off to help the gear that was spinning out of control, which was clearly Sera's. 

"I can't stabilize....!" came her chippery voice, sounding distressed, but strangely controlled. "Oh, no! I'm on fire! AIEEE!" 

"Sera, hold on!" Finn called out. 

Another flying gear from Gebler's Air Force swooped down and took Sera's Grandgrowl in its talons before Broyer could reach her. It circled once, and then flew away from the battlefield. 

"Sera...." he whispered over the intercom. 

Vance thought, _Dammit! This is stupid! Why do we all have to fight like this? This is suicide! _

But isn't that what you wanted? 

He shook his head in an attempt to clear it, but it wouldn't clear. 

_I can't purposely do it. I'll risk my chance to see my family again, and I can't do that...I have to have a chance to apologize..._

"He's after the stabilizer!" Renk called out. "Stop him!" 

Vance hesitated a second. If the red gear kept attacking Solaris, then it would be no more. He would be free. 

Here he was, like a bird with the cage door open, wondering if he should take the chance and fly to freedom. 

But then he saw Finn in the distance, hovering in the air, devastated, also unable to react. Helm, Stratski and Renk were flying off to engage the red gear. His friends, his only friends, needed him. So he couldn't yet flee. 

He flew up to Broyer. 

"You okay, Finn?" 

"Sera..." he whispered. 

"I'm sure she's okay. That gear was one of ours. She's probably being taken to get medical attention right now." 

"Yeah....I guess you're right...." 

"We've got a job to do, right?" 

"Yeah....I suppose Sera would be disappointed in me if I gave up now. Alright. Let me at 'im!" 

They heard Helm's voice over their com. 

"Our orders were to try and slow him down. No more, no less. If it looks like it's not gonna be able to be stopped, then...." Victor added. 

"Then what?" Broyer asked. 

"Then we might have to forget it. We shouldn't get ourselves killed by this thing." 

"What are you saying? That we give up? Vic, that's not like you..." Knute said. 

"Well..." 

"Your Drive wearin' off, Helm? Get a grip on yourself and just stay with us!" Renk called out. 

There was a loud explosion. The red gear made a sudden motion for one of the side panels. It flew clear through it in a blaze of golden fire, then headed for the next one. 

"NO!" Renk exclaimed. 

A chain of small explosions rocked the side panel, breaking it into several pieces that slowly began to plummet to the ground. The red gear flew on to attack another portion of the city. 

"Whoa! He's still in one piece after THAT!?" Knute exclaimed. 

"Ter ena hveck coren..." came Victor's voice over the com. 

"Huh?" Broyer questioned. "I don't get it..." 

"I -- wait...." Knute spoke. "Say it again, Vic..." 

"Ter ena hveck coren....Evin sor ronunda ja." 

"Really?" Knute responded. 

"Neh..." 

"Hey, um...guys?" Vance spoke, mystified. 

"Nortuna?" 

"Neh..." 

"Okay, let's do it." 

"I don't know what the hell you guys are saying!" 

"Never mind, Renk. It's between me and Vic, right?" 

"This battle is over, Renk. He's much too strong!" Victor added. 

"You guys might not care either way what happens, but I've got Ayra and Danie to think about...I'm going!" 

"No! Renk, it's suicide!" Vance exclaimed. 

"If that's what it takes!" 

Vance paused and thought about it. Renk had almost been like a father to him. If he were to go down... 

"Then....I'm going with you...." 

"Me, too!" Finn said. 

"Are we with him, or not?" Knute asked. "I mean, these guys are our pals, too, right?" 

"I'm only at forty percent of my regular power..." 

"Come on....only as backup?" 

Victor sighed. "I'm with him....despite my reservations." 

The gear had destroyed seven of the eight panels, over 80 percent of the Solaris capital. It began to sag weakly in the sky, only being held up by the centre stabilizer, which was clearly the red gear's next target. 

"He's heading for the main stabilizer. He's really fast, so try to corner him..." Renk spoke up. 

"Roger that." 

They flew in formation and tried to block off the assault. But the gear merely ignored their presence and flew right through Knute's Swordknight, ripping its legs off, and then Victor's Wandknight, taking an arm. 

"Stratski! Helm!" Renk exclaimed. "Are you both alright?" 

"Augh..!" Knute called out. "My mobility's shot and I'm starting to drop, but I'm okay...Need a piggy-back, guys..." 

Victor flew down to grab him with his remaining arm. 

"I'm not hurt, either, but my gear's really suffering now. I'm going to drop out, guys.....If what I think's gonna happen happens, then you'll need to start retreating now, too!" Victor said. "We'll meet at the surface rendezvous..." 

"You two go...you can't be much good here. You'll only get killed," Renk said. "I'll take this gear on myself! Why don't you come and get a piece of me, huh?!" 

"Renk, did you just see what happened? He's just too strong!" Vance said. "We should retreat..." 

"Yeah, I know...tell me about it..." Finn said. 

"I don't care! We have to protect Solaris! We can't let him destroy it! I'll take more Drive, and that'll even the score!" 

"No!" Vance spoke up. "Don't take any more of that stuff, okay? Remember what you told me! It'll waste your mind!" 

"I've gotta take that chance! Ayra....Danie....We have no more time to argue about it!" 

Another loud explosion ripped through the air. The gear had spiralled around the main stabilizer, which had detonated the controls, throwing fire into the only remaining part of the capital, the main square. Etrenank tilted and quickly plummeted towards the earth. 

Renk stood silently, saying nothing more. 

"It's over.....It's over...." Broyer whispered over the com. 

"We've gotta get out of here....the shockwave alone could blow us to bits!" Vance said. 

Finn and Vance turned to flee, but realized Renk wasn't following them. 

"Hey, Renk! Come on!" 

"Ayra....Danie....no....no this can't be!" he exclaimed. 

"They're already dead....everyone's dead...." There was a deep sadness in Finn's voice. Vance could sense his friend's thoughts were also on their Lieutenant Seraphita. He didn't think the gear that had saved her was headed back to Solaris, but... 

Renk's voice came over the intercom, flaming with anger. "I'm going to KILL that son-of-a-bitch! He killed them! He killed them both! I won't forgive him!" He charged for the red gear, but was held back by Vance and Finn's rough grip on his gear's arms. 

"Let me go! That's an order! Let me GO!" 

"Renk, don't be stupid! There's nothing you can do now!" Finn spoke. 

"Let me at him! Let me go!" 

"Renk..." Vance said, his voice softer than usual. "It's over...let's go...." 

"It's...it's not over...." 

"Yeah, it is..." 

"Let me die....just let me die...." 

"Can't do that," Finn said. "You're like a dad to us. What would we all do without you?" 

"Finn's right....let's just go to the rendezvous point...." 

Renk fell silent. His gear went limp as the engines died. The last thing the two could hear over the com was the sound of his sobs. 

* * * * * * 

Vance had set his gear to auto-pilot, and was writing in his thinking book about the new revelation. He just couldn't hold in his excitement. 

_I couldn't help but feel an overwhelming sense of satisfaction as I watched Solaris plummet to earth, taking with it all the evil which had spawned from it. Even though I know how much pain it's bringing to Renk, I can't help rejoicing that I'm finally free. I'm beginning to dream of what life is holding before me. I can't know for sure -- I know the things I want to do, but how much of that is really in my grasp? Now I can find out for sure._

He looked over at Renk's gear, limp in Clawknight and Aegisknight's grip. That was the only bad thing about this situation. Renk was like a father to them. To see him in pain was terrible. 

_Pain heals, or it's supposed to. Renk will be okay. We're here for him. None of us will abandon him, I know that. We all think the same way about him. No matter what happens, we'll stick together. We're the Gebler Special Forces. We'll face what's ahead together or not at all._

* * * * * * 

They all met at the rendezvous on the southern tip of the Aveh desert. Victor and Knute were both waiting for them, but they were the only ones. No other gears had made it. 

"Hey, there!" Broyer called out, jumping from his cockpit. "Well, we all made it...we're all alive, it seems." 

"Alive, but I don't think well..." Vance spoke, pointing to Renk's gear. 

"Solaris....it's gone, isn't it?" Victor asked. 

Vance nodded. 

"Then Ayra and Danie...?" 

Finn shook his head. 

"Oh my God..." Knute said. 

"He didn't say anything the whole way here. We had to wrench him away from the battle. I think he just wants to die..." Vance said. 

"Yeah, I noticed he was kinda quiet," Finn added. 

Vance allowed himself to be lifted to Renk's cockpit. He braced himself to see the worst, and it was almost that bad. Renk's face was red from the tears. He held a photograph in his hand, the same picture of his family he had looked at often when stationed far from Etrenank. He always carried it on him, everywhere he went. 

"Renk?" 

He looked at Vance, saying nothing. 

"We're here. Everyone's okay. We're waiting for the mobile battleship to arrive." 

"Leave me here..." 

"Renk..." 

"Leave me..." 

"You have to come down." 

"NO! I SAID LEAVE ME ALONE!" he shouted rabidly. Vance had never heard Renk raise his voice like that, even under the influence of Drive. 

"Okay, if that's really what you want..." Vance spoke with a sigh. He walked away, but left the cockpit open so Renk could hear their conversation. 

"Well, no more time to talk. Let's go..." Knute said. 

"Huh? What? Where are we going?" Vance asked. 

"You ever dreamed of seeing the world, kid?" 

"Yeah, why?" 

"Well, we're planning on going home. Seeing the world is hard to do in Etrenank." 

"Home?" Finn questioned. "But Solaris..." 

"We don't mean Solaris. In mine and Vic's case, Nortune. I don't know where the rest of you are all from, but that where we're headed." 

"I -- I'm from Bledavik," Vance spoke. "I was born in Bledavik." 

"Wellll...not bad, kid. You remember?" Knute asked. 

"More than you guys think." 

"Not bad at all. Got any family there?" 

"No," Vance spoke darkly. "No family. I've got no reason to go back there." 

"Oh. Does that mean you're with us, then?" 

"Didn't say I wasn't. Nortune's good." 

"All right! What about you, Finn? Are we abandoning Solaris, or what?" Knute said. 

"The mobile battleship should already be heading this way to pick us up..." Finn said. "We can't just leave!" 

"We can...and Knute and I are going to. We don't care what you tell 'em. We're out of here. Who's giving me a lift? How's Clawknight holding up? Ready for passengers?" 

Vance nodded. "Probably one." 

"Excited, kid?" 

"This is the chance I've been waiting for." 

Finn's reservations were obvious. "I'm not gonna to lie for you guys. I'm gonna have to tell them you abandoned Solaris..." he said. 

"If you tell them that, they'll kill you for not trying to stop us." 

"I AM trying to stop ya! I just don't wanna rough you guys up or anythin'!" 

"Come on, Finn. Don't be like that. I know you're missing the Lieutenant and all, but don't let that destroy your chance to discover who you are." 

"What are you guys talking about?!" 

"God, you are dense, Finn," Knute said. 

"Hey, Knute...that's not fair. He's still programmed. No point in arguing with him. Let's just let him and Renk go back to Solaris and forget it." 

"No....wait...." Renk said, coming down from the cockpit. 

"Huh?" Vance questioned. 

"I don't want -- to go back to Solaris." 

"Really? Seriously?" Victor asked. 

Renk nodded lightly. "There's nothing left for me there. I -- I want to find out who I was before Solaris took me." 

Finn shook his head. "H - Hey, wait a minute here...Renk, what's gotten into you? You guys want to live here and become Lambs? Huh? What are you thinking!? We can't live with those guys!" 

"Never mind, Finn. Just come on. You won't regret it. I promise," Knute said. "I'll bet you're from Aveh. Somewhere here in the desert. Bledavik or Dazil...you're kinda dark like most people from Aveh." 

"Yeah, I'd guess that, too," Victor added. 

Finn sighed. "If you guys weren't my friends..." 

"You're coming?" 

"I'm not going back to Solaris alone." 

"Ah hah! Well, then, follow us," Knute said, crawling up into Clawknight's cockpit with Vance. Victor and Renk went into Wandknight. 

"Want me to pilot, Renk?" Victor asked. "Our gears were identical, so I'm familiar with the controls." 

Renk nodded silently. 

Finn stood alone next to Aegisknight, watching after his friends. Vance saw him there, and wondered what was going on in his mind. Finn had been the one most loyal to Solaris. If he were to ever find out where he came from...how would he react? 

_The ones with no childhood memories are the ones who were born on the surface. Finn doesn't have any recollection of his past before Solaris, so he has to be from somewhere. This might be cruel if he were second or third generation Worker Bee but...he'll thank us one day. I hope._

"Even if the Lieutenant's there, I probably wouldn't get to see her anymore since the Special Forces kinda just went kaput... THANKS TO YOU JERKS!" 

The other four ignored him as they settled in. 

"Um....guys..." he said as if just remembering something important. 

"What?" Knute asked. 

"Small problem." 

"What?" 

"We can't take the gears to Nortune." 

"Huh? Why not!?" Knute exclaimed. 

It dawned on Vance. Finn had worked in a gear factory before coming to Gebler so of course he would know, as well. "Oh, yeah." 

"Hey, kid. Tell me. Why not?" 

"My dad was a gear technician and he told me that all standard issue Gebler gears have tracking devices built in them." 

"Yeah, that's what I'm tryin' to say," Finn spoke. "That's what I was in charge of installing on gears when I worked in that factory for a bit before they sent me to the repair division." 

"Hmm..." Victor spoke. "A small snag, then. Do you know how to dissasemble them?" 

"Not without rippin' out the entire engine, and I kinda don't think I've got the time or tools to do it." 

"He's got a point, Vic," Knute spoke. 

"Yes, I know. Hmm..." 

"If we leave the gears here, they're going to know we left. They'll look for us." 

"But...if we make it look like we crashed...they'll think we're dead." 

"Ah, I get it. But how do you suppose we can make it look like we crashed?" 

"Well...my Wandknight and Swordknight are trashed already, so that's pretty simple. But if they investigate, and our bodies aren't in them..." 

"Say, we could drop them in the sea. They won't bother to look for bodies at the bottom of the sea. Come on, we're not that important to them." 

"But how can we dump the last gear? They can always track that one, can't they?" Finn spoke. 

"Hmmm...yeah, you're right...guess we'd better think of something else, then." 

"We'd better do it fast. We don't have much time," Victor urged. 

Vance thought, 'Hmmm... I wonder if the tracking device is run by the gear's motherboard, or if it's independent of everything...' 

"Say, Finn..." he asked aloud. 

"Yeah?" 

"I know it was a long time ago, but try to think back to when you worked at the gear factory..." 

"Yeah?" 

"When you were hooking up the tracking devices....was there a thin red wire that was attached to the bottom left corner of it?" 

Finn's face scrunched up in thought. "That was years ago, Vance! I dunno!" 

"Work in those places is repetitious. You probably could have done it in your sleep. Just go through the motions in your head and tell me if you remember that." 

Finn appeared to be doing so. He motioned with his arms as if doing it again. 

"Bottom left?" he asked again. 

"Yes." 

"Yeah, there was. Step fifteen." 

"Where did that go?" 

"I dunno. To another board...?" 

"Great! I think this can be done. But it's gonna take me a few minutes, so we'd better dump these gears and fast." 

"Yeah, but...how are we gonna dump all the gears?" Finn said. "There's always gonna be one left for them to track, you know?" 

"Not if this works out. Just trust me, okay? We'll use Clawknight to dump them all. Then I'll hide it and take care of the tracking device." 

"You seem to have it all covered." 

"Of course," Vance spoke with pride. "I'm a genius." 

"Oh, great. He's being like that again," Knute mumbled. 

"Yeah, but not even close to as often as he used to. He must have stopped taking Drive," Victor whispered. 

Vance had heard them both speak, but chose not to respond. They all knew he was a different person off Drive, too. He hated it when they called him 'kid', but somehow he tolerated it because it made him feel like a little brother to them. He had to admit he liked that feeling. 

"Speaking of Drive," Victor spoke up, holding up his ration. "What the heck are we going to do with this stuff?" 

"Pfffap! We don't need that stuff anymore. Dump it with the gears," Knute said. 

To see them do that made Vance feel both comfortable and uncomfortable. Comfortable that there would be no temptation, but uncomfortable that he might have no choice but to face his dreams. 

_Stupid, Vance,_ he scolded himself. _Solaris is gone. The nightmare is gone. You don't need Drive anymore. You can finally be you again. It's good they're dumping their Drive. I like them all better without it, too._

Vance looked around zealously as he fired up Clawknight, feeling many years younger than he was. If only the desert scenery was a little more interesting. 

_Remember.... Every bit of scenery you get to see now is a gift, so enjoy it. By the way,_ he thought, looking to the sky. _Thanks._

* * * * * * 

Vance had used his gear to dump the other four in the ocean, then hid Clawknight in the mountains behind them. 

"How much time do you say we have?" Vance spoke out. 

"Not much. I think I hear a rumbling in the distance. They're on their way," Knute said. 

"Then I'll do this quick." 

He rushed up to Clawknight's head, pulled out a small toolkit from his pack, unscrewed a panel, and began to work feverishly on the gear's components. The others watched in amazement as Vance did so, since it appeared like he knew what he was doing. They had apparently never seen this side of Vance. 

The youngest of the Special Forces eventually pulled a green board from the gear, and ripped off all the wires going to it. He lifted it up proudly, as if he'd won a wonderful prize. Then he dove back inside for more. He eventually came up with a few more pieces, which he stuffed into his pack along with the green board. 

"Yeah, now I'm happy. It's been so long since I've been allowed to fool around with this kind of stuff. The tracking device in Clawknight should be dismantled, if my hunch is right. Regardless, we should get out of here, anyway." 

"Are we taking Clawknight?" 

"I should hope not. I just ripped out the motherboard. It's right at the front, so it's easy to get to, not like the tracking device, which is probably in the back, like Finn said." 

"You ripped out the motherboard? So Clawknight's not going to work anymore? You couldn't just cut off the connection to the tracking device?" 

"Well, yeah, I could've but then how could I fool around with the motherboard on the road if I don't take it all the way out of the machine?" 

"FOOL AROUND!? This isn't a GAME, Vance! This is SERIOUS!" Knute exclaimed. "Now how are we going to get to Nortune!?" 

"Calm down, Knute. It's okay. I check it on my GPS, and the closest town is only sixty kilometres to the northwest." 

"We could walk it. It would probably take us the rest of the day and maybe a bit longer if we camp. Then we could rent a sand buggy to take us to the edge of the desert. There has to a be a place to rent sandbuggies. This is the middle of the desert, after all," Victor said in an attempt to calm his friend. "We could be there by tommorow morning if we camp overnight in the desert." 

"Yeah, well...I'd rather NOT have to walk, but..." Knute said. 

"The exercise could do us good, right?" Victor said. 

"Ugh! I guess so...." 

Victor looked at his watch. "It's almost two o'clock. The hottest part of the day is coming. We're not going to want to travel in this. We'd be roasted by three o'clock." 

"Then we'll wait here hidden in the shade and then head out later in the day." 

"I just hope Vance is right and that tracking device got broken," Finn said. "How could we explain ourselves now?" 

"Don't worry about it, Finn. I know what I'm doing," Vance said, already beginning to tinker with the green board. 

"You look like one of those hacks." 

"Hacks?" Knute questioned. 

"You know...those people who goof around with computers 'n stuff." 

"A hacker?" Vance spoke. "You've got it. That's what I did before I was in Gebler." 

"Really?" Victor spoke. 

"Yeah. I was a computer ace. Built my first computer when I was eleven using scraps my dad brought home from the factory. I know the innards of gears and computers like my own hand." 

"That's strange," Victor spoke. 

"What is?" 

"That kind of talent Solaris wouldn't waste in Gebler. What happened?" 

Vance looked at his friend, brushing him off with his glance. "Never mind. None of your business." His words had never been so cold off Drive. 

Victor clearly backed off. "Okay, sorry I asked, then." 

"Hey...I've been thinkin'..." Broyer spoke aloud. 

"What is it?" Knute asked. 

"If there's a tracking device in all Gebler gears, wouldn't that mean they could've found Lieutenant Elhaym?" 

"Hers wasn't your average gear, and she was a commisioned officer in a super-elite class," Victor said. "Maybe not." 

"That's a good point. I'll accept that." 

"Or maybe they didn't want to find her," Knute said. "Don't ask me why..." 

Victor adjusted his glasses again. "Regardless, we're here now, and the battleship is almost here. We should be quiet until it passes..." 

End of Chapter 2 

_Well, there it is. Chapter 2. Please read and review if you like it. Or even if you hate it. I really, really like to know what you honestly think, as long as you're tactful about it (AKA- no flames, please). 

* * *

  
Xenogears, the world and its situations are (c)2000 by Square, not me. This is a fanfic, after all. _


	3. Dazil the Beautiful

**Gebler Special Forces **

Chapter 3   
Dazil the Beautiful 

**_Notes:_** Well, here's chapter three of the story. Hope you people out there who are following this story enjoy this installment. Thanks! 

Hours passed and night fell as they headed north. When they could no longer stand they all made camp, hoping nobody would see their fire. They could see the town of Dazil in the distance, but had no more energy to continue further that night. 

"What the hell was that language, anyway?" Finn asked Stratski and Helm after remembering them using it back in the battle. 

"It's a dialect of ancient Kislev that was spoken by Victor's ancestors in Nortune. His dad forced him to learn it and he taught me some. We're probably the only people in this world who still know it." 

"That's why I was pretty sure nobody in Solaris knew it. I'll bet they monitor our conversations. I had to be safe, just in case." 

"I still don't feel right about this, guys..." Finn spoke. "If someone finds us..." 

"Nobody's gonna find us. They think we're dead. Besides, there's not a hell of a lot left of Solaris now, is there?" Knute said. "Just the main battleship, and there's nothing but Gebler in there." 

"Nah, I guess not. But still..." 

"What made you guys decide to do something crazy like this?" Vance asked. 

"Well....I began to remember," Victor responded. 

"Remember?" Vance questioned. 

"Yeah. When we were stationed on the surface in Bledavik, Knute and I went out one night to see the festival. I....don't know. When I was there....I began to get visions, flashes....of my life before I came to Solaris. I ignored them at the time, but then I started having dreams. I remembered Knute and I growing up together in Nortune. I knew we had always been friends, but I could never remember how we met. When I told Knute about it, he told me he was having the same dreams. We felt it was too big a co-incidence to ignore, so we tried to figure it out together." 

"That was right after we bombed Nortune. That's when we remembered it all. How we had been kidnapped, and sent to the facility in Etrenank for assessment and reprogramming." 

"I don't know what youse guys are talking about. Kidnapping? What?" Finn asked with confusion. 

"Solaris kidnaps Lambs from the surface to work as slaves. They wipe your memories clean to keep you from revolting, and deluge you with Solaris propaganda until you believe it. You probably don't remember it, Finn, but you probably were kidnapped from the surface, too." 

"I don't remember any of that..." 

"That's why you have your doubts, still. I'll bet if we ever go to your home town you'll start getting flashes, too." 

"Well....I still think we should go back." 

"Forget it," Vance said. "You can go back, but they'll only kill you for leaving in the first place." 

Finn fell silent, staring at his feet, and then into the fire. 

Knute pulled out a comb and brushed his hair vainly. "It's not like I have a huge attachment to Nortune, but I still feel bad that we bombed them." 

"Me too," Victor said. "It's still our home town. But orders are orders, all the same." 

"God, I hate the taste of these emergency rations," Knute said, putting away his comb and bringing out a dehydrated stick, coloured red. 

"The taste...just imagine what they put in these things. Ugh...worse than the cafeteria food at school." 

"I know. They actually expected us to eat that crap? What was the cafeteria lady's name again?" 

"Wasn't it 'Vi' or something like that?" 

"Oh, yeah. I remember. Cafeteria Lady 'Vi'-le. She was as disgusting to look at as her food was to eat." 

"You guys went to school together?" Vance asked. 

"Sure did," Victor said. "Miller Gordon's School for Boys. Private rich kids' boarding school. You know -- 'pack your kids away and don't think about 'em' type of school. Knute and I roomed together there. That's how we met, long ago when we were kids in Nortune." 

"I was ten, he was twelve. And were we ever hellraisers." 

Victor rolled his eyes. "YOU were a hellraiser. I merely went along with your schemes." 

"Oh, right, Vic. You didn't come up with switching the school's flag with a pair of long underwear or anything." 

"Well, okay. Maybe I thought of some stuff. But not even close to as often as you." 

"Your memory must still be faulty. But never mind." 

Victor shoved Knute until he fell over into the sand. 

Finn was still thinking about what they had said earlier about the memories and the kidnapping. He looked across the fire at Renk, who sat a few feet away, lost in his own world while fixated on the bonfire. 

"Uh...Shouldn't someone explain all this stuff to Renk? I don't think he knows what youse guys are talking about, either," Finn spoke. 

"It's too much to burden him with right now," Helm said. "Best to leave him alone. He's got a lot on his mind. Can't say I blame him. Ayra and Danie were his world and now..." 

Finn rose. "I'm gonna check on him." 

The others nodded and he moved to the other side of the fire to see how his friend was doing. 

"Renk, you okay?" 

He shook his head. He looked much older than thirty-five, the lines in his face growing deeper. 

"I -- still can't believe it...." 

Finn didn't know what to say. "I guess I can't believe it, either. Everything and everyone's gone. My neighbour was going to lend me his spring shoes...now even he's gone...it's just kinda weird. And Ayra was a great cook. I'll miss her and Danie." 

Renk sighed. "I promised them I'd always protect them, and..." 

"There wasn't nothin' you coulda done. That red gear was much too strong. Every gear pilot in Solaris fought against that guy and we got creamed." 

"I know...but....I still can't help thinking...I failed them..." 

Finn also sighed, sitting down completely. 

"Those guys don't seem to have a care in the world, ya know? I wish I could think this was the right thing to do..." 

"You're worried about Lt. Seraphita..." 

"Yeah." 

"I'm sure she's okay." 

"I wish I could think so." 

"You have to have faith in her. She's strong. You said you saw that other gear fly off with her. They've probably got her safe somewhere..." 

"Yeah, that's what the guys tell me, too. I guess I shouldn't worry so much, huh?" 

"Don't think the worst until you know it's the worst." 

Finn was silent, staring at the fire. He threw a rock into it and looked away. 

"Here you are so sad and you're helpin' me..." 

"I can't help it. It's just me. And..you're right, Finn. I couldn't have saved them. Despite my promise to Ayra...I realize that now. But.... I wish....I had a really good chance to say goodbye...." 

Finn nodded. "I'm glad you see that." 

Renk kept staring into the fire. 

"You want me to go away, don't you?" Finn asked. 

Renk nodded. "Yeah. Sorry." 

"Hey, it's okay. I understand." 

He got up and went back over to the others. 

"And then Knute and I changed the picture of male anatomy with the one of the female anatomy. It took Mr. Reck fifteen minutes to notice he was teaching the wrong stuff." 

"Well, if he'd have actually paid attention to what he was showing us and not just gone by memory, he wouldn't have had to look like a idiot, right?" 

"I wonder what happened to that old crow, anyway." 

"I don't wanna know. The guy's probably a fossil right now." 

"Yeah, probably. Like, how old was that guy...ninety eight or something?" 

"Seemed like it." 

Finn sat back down. "Hate to break up your fun, but I just wanna know when in the heck we're gonna get to that town..." 

"Well, as soon as the sun rises, we'll go. It's only about six more kilometres to Dazil, according to my GPS," Victor said. 

"So about another hour or so on our feet," Knute said. "The early morning sun won't get to be too much for us then." 

* * * * * * 

Dazil rose in the early morning sunlight. 

"Ugh! This place is full of Lambs..." Finn spoke as he peeked inside the town from the gateway. 

"They aren't going to bite. Come on. We've gotta get a sand buggy for our trip to Nortune." 

The five men walked into the desert town, looking around at everything. 

"This place is filthy," Finn spoke. 

"It's just dusty," Knute said. "I'm sure I'm a sight. You guys sure are." 

"Ugh...no, it's filthy." Finn ran his hand down an old cart which sat beside someone's house. A layer of dust fluffed off of it. 

"Look for a sign that says 'sand buggies'. You guys all know the language of the surface, right?" Victor asked. 

"I remember," Vance said. 

"I do too," Renk added. 

"Good." 

"There!" Vance said, pointing. 

"Alright, we're in business," Knute said. "We're going in." 

"I'll wait out here," Broyer said, not wanting to think of what it looked like inside the buildings in this dirty little town. 

"Hmm...okay, whatever, Finn." 

The other four went inside, leaving Finn alone. 

He looked around a moment, feeling a little strange. 

"Hmm...but this place....somehow I feel like...I've...." 

"Oh...my...god!!" came a voice from right in front of him. 

He looked at the woman who was tall, stout, but very pretty. 

"Finn? Finn, is that you?" she asked, coming right up to him. 

He looked at the woman seriously. Something about her seemed familiar, but he'd be damned if he knew exactly who she was. 

"Uh....yeah...." he responded. 

"Oh, Finn!" she said, flinging her arms around him. 

"Huh! Hey! Let go of me!" he said, shoving her off. 

She stepped back, puzzled. 

"Don't you know who it is, Finn? I've gained weight, but I haven't changed that much, have I?" 

"Um...sorry...I don't....who are you?" he asked. 

She sighed. "You're kidding, right?" 

"No. I'm not kidding. Who are you?" 

She put her hand on her mouth. "Don't tell me you have amnesia or something, because mom and dad are not going to accept that excuse! Where have you been all these years? You just disappeared without a trace! Nobody knew where the hell you went! You go on a buying trip and just disappear!" 

"Um....I'm sorry, I....I've gotta to go..." 

"Oh, no, Finn Broyer, you're not goin' anywhere!" She grabbed him by the arm. 

He pushed her. "Go away! Leave me alone, you stupid Lamb!" 

She fell to the ground, falling face first into the dirt. 

Finn felt a deep pang of guilt right in his heart. And that was when it came to him. He remembered who she was. 

She rolled off the ground, wiping sand from her face and tears from her eyes. Finn also found himself getting a little teary-eyed. 

"Vehra....Vehra....I'm so sorry...I didn't mean...." he said. 

He held out his hand, but she shoved it away. 

"I can get up myself, you moron! What did you do that for?!" 

"Vehra....I didn't mean to...I didn't remember who you were..." 

She shoved him, and he fell down. 

"Didn't remember....?" she spoke, placing a hand on her hip. "This is the thanks I get for teaching you how to fight, huh? You shove me down like some stupid bully? You'd better watch it or I'll pound you to the ground, little brother. You wuss." 

"Vehra....I don't want to fight you..." 

She laughed. "Such a change in tone. Oh, well. Good. I'd rather not fight you, either. So...why the weird reception?" 

"It's...a long story. I don't wanna tell it twice. Are mom and dad still here?" 

"Yep. And they've always held on to a hope you'd be back some day. Honestly though, I didn't think I'd ever see you back here. Come on home. We kept your room exactly the way you left it." 

"Well...um....hold on a sec. I'm with friends..." 

"Friends? Well, bring them, too. You know mom and dad won't care. They like your friends coming over. They're usually as benign as you." 

"They're in the sand buggy rental shop. They'll be right out." 

"Okay." 

Finn looked at the dark-haired woman as she looked back at him with a strange expression, almost as if she was trying to figure out if she was dreaming. 

_No, Vehra. You ain't dreaming. I'm really here. How long has it been now? Almost eight years. I was just a kid back then. Mom and dad must have gone outta their minds with worry. You too, though you'd never show it. _

So the guys were right. Solaris really does kidnap people for their own purposes. What scumbags. And to think I almost went back to those idiots. I wonder why they wanted me...? 

"Finn...?" 

"Yeah?" 

"What the HELL is a Lamb?" 

"Oh, uh....I'll explain all that, too." 

"Good. Because I'm completely confused." 

Knute came out of the shop. 

"Yeah, well....DASSA EST SHYS!" Knute yelled in Solarian to the shopkeeper. 

The other guys followed him back out. 

"Well, that worked," Victor spoke dryly. 

"Oh, and I'm supposed to THINK of packing surface money when I'm called to battle, huh?" Knute said. 

"We'll get to Nortune some other way." 

"Hey...we've gotta find a way to get money. I'm not walking to Nortune," Knute said. 

"Hey, hey, guys!" Finn called out, getting everyone's attention. "I want you all to meet someone." He threw his arm around the girl. 

"Well, you sure forgot about the Lieutenant fast, Broyer," Victor spoke. 

"Lieutenant?" Vehra questioned. 

"Oh! No no no...this is my big sister, Vehra." 

"SISTER???" they all questioned. 

Finn nodded. "I'm from here in Dazil, youse guys. But...I just remembered. Thanks to Vehra." 

"Lieutenant?" Vehra questioned again. 

"Oh, never mind. Don't tell mom and dad about that...well, let's go home. It's been so long, and I'm dyin' for some of mom's ariberry pie. You guys can come, too. The Broyer house is everyone's house!" 

"Who are these guys? Why are you all dressed in uniforms?" Vehra asked. "Have you been in the military? These aren't Aveh or Kislev uniforms." 

"Like I said, I'll tell youse guys everythin' when we get home." He addressed his friends, "We're almost there. We live in the centre of town. That item shop over there is my mom and dad's." 

"Your parents owned a store? You're kidding, right?" Knute asked. 

"Why is that a surprise?" Vehra asked. 

"We just don't see Finn the salesman type." 

"Are you kidding? Finn was our best salesman. He had this way of talking people into buying things they didn't really need or want...and even made the people forget they didn't need or want it later on." 

"Are we talking about the same Finn Broyer?" Victor asked. 

"I know he seems kinda dumb, but there's a brilliant salesman in there somewhere." 

"Vehra, you're embarrassing me, now..." 

"So? When you've got a talent, you shouldn't hide it. You should flaunt it, right?" 

"Yeah...I guess so..." 

Vehra led them all into a small house behind the store. 

"Who's that grunt outside?" 

"Griv? He's just a guy we hired to replace you. He's good, but not as good as you were." 

"Sit down, you guys. It's small, but it's comfortable." 

"It's immaculate..." Knute whispered to Victor. 

"So that's where he gets it from..." Victor said. 

"Mom! Dad! Come out here! I've got a surprise for you!" 

They heard the loud voices of two people in the hallway offshooting the living room. 

"Vehra, what is it? We're sorta busy back here!" 

"No, really. Come out. You won't regret it!" 

The shadows fell on the wall before Finn's parents entered the room. 

"Okay, Vehra...what is it?" her father, a man who looked just like an older version of Finn, asked, putting a large hand on his hip. 

His mother, a much smaller woman, but by no means frail, stopped in her tracks, and only stared at Finn, shock all too evident in her expression. 

"Finny?" she asked. 

"Finn?" his father said, also seeing him. 

"Yeah, mom, dad. It's me. I'm home." 

"Ohoohhhh!!" his mother said, running up to him and flinging her arms around him. She slathered him with wet kisses. 

"Ma...ma...that's kinda gross...ma...please..." 

She held him at armslength, looking him up and down. 

"Are you alright? Have you been eating properly? Have you been well? Oh, my little boy is a man now! I can't believe I missed you growing up!" 

"Well, Finn..." his father said, approaching him much more slowly and patting him roughly on the back. "Perhaps you'd like to explain where you've been all these years, huh?" 

"Oh, Ven..." his mother said, hitting her husband on the arm. "At least let the boy come in and relax first. Do you want some tea, dear? Oh...who are all these people?" she asked, noticing all the others. 

"These are my friends, ma. This is Knute and Victor...Vance and Renk." 

"It's nice to meet all you fine gentleman. Please sit down and make yourselves comfortable. Would you all like some tea?" 

"Yes, that would be very nice," Victor spoke. 

"Well, then...I'll put some on." 

His mother hustled off to the small kitchen in a corner of the room, which allowed her in on the conversation. 

"Vehra, could you get everyone a coaster?" she asked her daughter as she poured water into the kettle. 

Vehra rolled her eyes. "Okay, mom." She reached over for the many sets of coasters which were left all over the house in strategic places, and set them up so everyone had one. 

"These are vital in the Broyer home. Can't scrape the table all up now, can we? Makes me sick sometimes," Vehra said with distaste. 

"Vehra, coasters just keep the table from bein' destroyed," Finn said. "And that way they need less polishing." 

"Yeah, whatever," his sister spoke dryly. "I've gotta find a man and get out of this house so I can be a slob all day if I want to." 

Finn noticed his father's walk was slow, hunched over and stiff. He had always remembered his dad as a strong, healthy man who would take on the world if he was so inclined. His father looked so much older now. 

"What happened to dad?" he whispered to Vehra softly. 

"He was trying to lift a heavy load of boxes by himself, and his back hasn't been the same since," Vehra whispered. "He tried to do a lot of things by himself after you went away that he really shouldn't have been doing at his age, but you know, dad's stubborn. Wouldn't listen to us." 

Ven Broyer sat slowly in the easy chair that had been designated as his a great many years ago. 

"So, Finn...would you mind explaining where you've been for all these years, hm? Your mother and Vehra were worried sick about you. And you left a lot of work at the store undone." 

"Yeah, dad, I know. I'm sorry." 

"Well...no use complaining about it now. It's been done for ya. But I expect you're gonna make it up to me, right?" 

"Well....I guess so." 

"Good. Well, tell me, boy. I send you off on a buying trip to Bledavik, and you never even get there and disappear off the face of the earth. Why the dissapearin' act?" 

"It's sort of a long story, and I'm not even sure I can tell the whole story, 'cause I still don't remember or understand everythin' but...I'll try my best. Let me just start by saying I didn't want to go away. I was kidnapped." 

"Kidnapped?" his father questioned with slight doubt in his tone. 

"Yeah. I don't remember that completely clear, but I remember I was on my way to Bledavik. I only had about a couple hours longer to go, but night was fallin', and I was tired, so I decided to camp. I was sittin' alone when all of a sudden this light from above me blinded me and I couldn't see. I don't remember much after that. The next thing I remember, I was in some weird room. I couldn't remember how I got there or where I was from. But something deep within me kept me from caring too much. I learned the place I was now in was called Solaris, and the floatin' city I was in was the capital, Etrenank. It was a lot different than I was used to, even though I couldn't really remember what it was I was used to, even though now I remember. Things were more advanced technically there than they are here. A lot of the citizens are kidnapped from the surface and brought to be in labour and stuff." 

"Um...you mean to be used in the labour force, Finn..." Victor corrected. 

"Yeah, okay. And things were a lot more kinda... what's the word I'm lookin' for...well, um...the government didn't like us to say bad stuff about them and stuff." 

"I think the word you're looking for is 'restrictive'," Victor spoke. 

"Yeah, yeah. That's it, I think. If that's what that 'restrivitive' word means, then yeah. I mean, people got in a lotta trouble sayin' stuff they didn't like about the way things were, so you just didn't say it. But I never really thought those guys were really all that right, anyway. I kinda liked the place for some reason. The place I was livin' was kinda small, not much more 'n one room, but once again, I didn't really care. I was only happy I hadda place to live. I was given a job doin' some junk in a gear factory. I worked there for a year. Then one day we were workin' on this gear with an old, broken circuit that those Ethos guys couldn't fix -- and we knew it coulda gone outta control at any minute. I was workin' in the cockpit, tuning up some of the gauges when one of my co-workers accidentally turned it on. The gear crashed through the factory, and almost stomped on some people. I didn't really know what I was doin', but some instinct in me made me step into pilot mode and attempt to tame the gear. I'd never really ridden a gear before, but it was kinda like I'd done it all my life, ya know? I managed to tame it before it completely destroyed the place and killed everyone. Two days later, I was given a job in the Solaris Military, called Gebler, in the gear combat division." 

"I remember hearing about that incident. That was you, Finn?" Victor spoke up. "I'm impressed. But I know you're good with your gear, so I suppose I shouldn't be too surprised..." 

"Yeah, well, I was in the military for awhile, but I was still what they called a third class citizen, or 'Worker Bee'. But I was so good at gear combat, I was so much better then all the guys in my battalion, that I got promoted to the new battalion of elite gear troops, known as the Special Forces. These guys are them. I introduced 'em already. Because of that I got promoted to second class citizen, and I was given a bigger apartment to live in, and they began to pay me a small salary." 

"Here, being a second class citizen is a bad thing," Vehra spoke. 

"Ah, it wasn't so bad. I was most excited about the apartment. I could actually have a couple rooms instead of just one. Anyway, I just guess my life in Solaris wasn't as bad as it was for other people. It'd be a lot worse if I hadda remembered youse guys. But Solaris does some kinda thing with your mind that makes you forget your life on the surface and makes you love Solaris. They teach you there that people who live here on the surface are animals. 'Purge the Lambs', they always said, whatever that's supposed to mean." 

"Um...Finn, that means we had the right to kill Lambs at will for no reason, just because we felt like it," Victor spoke. 

"Oh. Well, then, I guess that's pretty bad, then." 

"Uh, yeah, I guess..." Knute said mockingly. 

"It's like something out of a book," Vehra said. "Really, really weird." 

"Yeah, well, it's true. Scary, huh?" 

"Yeah." 

"So, yeah, it wasn't all good. But...Etrenank was attacked a couple days ago, and it crashed into the ground. But Gebler's big battleship survived, and we were all waitin' at the rendezvous when Vic and Knute said they were goin' to Nortune. I didn't even want to leave until these guys convinced me to come with them. It wasn't until I saw Vehra that I even remembered where I was from. I still don't remember everything. Like, I have no idea who those people in that picture are," Finn pointed to a photograph that was propped up on the side table beside him. He stared at it. 

"Um...Aunt....M -- Mi...Mil - something. And I don't remember the guy at all." 

"That's your aunt Milda and uncle Tev. From Bledavik, you remember. You were gonna stay with them when you were on the trip." 

"I don't remember 'em at all. Well, I remember there was somethin' kinda irritating about that guy." 

"You probably remember the wrist burns. Uncle Tev always insisted on torturing you and me with 'em when he visited," Vehra said. "And aunt Milda, well...she always insisted you were younger than you were, and my little sister, so she always brought you the cutest little dresses to wear." 

"Dresses?" Knute asked with a chuckle. 

"Vehra...don't tell these jerks that!" 

"Don't worry, mom and dad would never actually make him wear them. Come on, that's just a little TOO weird, ya know? We'd sell 'em in the store or or they weren't too frilly or too small, I'd get 'em." 

"You'd sell someone's gift?" Knute exclaimed. 

"Well, what the heck were we gonna do with it? I wasn't wearing lace! No way, uh uh!" Vehra exclaimed. 

"Yeah, so, do they still visit much?" 

"Oh, they died," Vehra said. "They were out travelling in the desert when a sandstorm hit their buggy. You know, uncle Tev always insisted he could get through a sandstorm and end up no more than a quarter mile off his trail." 

"My brother always had more mouth than he did brains. He'd cut off his own head on a dare to prove he was a man. Stupid idiot," Ven said. 

"So he and aunt Milda got killed?" 

"Took three weeks to find 'em. They got so hopelessly lost, there's no way theyd've found either Bledavik or Dazil. The heat stroke got 'em." 

"Dad...tell Finn about what happened after he left," Vehra said. 

"Well, after a week, Milda sent us a letter, asking if you were coming. This got us worried, because we knew you had left in plenty of time, and there hadn't been any sandstorms reported. We sent out a search party to look for you. We eventually found the sand buggy and all your gear, but...you were gone. We knew you wouldn't have wandered out of the camp, we taught you better 'n that. We thought you might've been eaten by a Wyrm. But there were no signs of a struggle, so we didn't rule out the possibility you were alive." 

"I wouldn't have left the camp, dad. You taught me good." 

Ven Broyer stared at his son a long time, saying nothing. He slowly rose and walked over to Finn, who stood up to meet him eye to eye. 

"Dad, what is it?" 

Wordlessly, Ven wrapped his arms around Finn and held him. 

"Good to have you back, son..." he whispered in Finn's ear. 

"Dad..." 

"I missed you...I was so worried..." 

"I'm sorry..." 

"Oh, don't start. You couldn't help it." 

"So you believe me?" 

"Of course I do. You're too dumb to lie and come up with a whopper of a story like that. You never were much good at it." 

"Dad..." 

His mother came out with the teapot. 

"Tea time, everyone!" she said, carefully placing the pot on a bamboo mat. "Does everyone have a coaster?" 

"Yeah, everyone's got a coaster, mom." 

"Good, good," she said, pouring the tea. "It's so good to see you with so many friends, Finny," his mother spoke. "You were always so lonely, we worried about you." 

"Yeah, nobody wanted to play with him because he was a crybaby and a wuss," Vehra said. 

"A crybaby?" Knute asked. 

"A wuss?" Victor asked. 

"Vehra! Stop it!" 

"I taught him how to fight and stick up for himself, but it didn't do much good. He didn't like getting dirty." 

"Same old Finn," Knute spoke. 

"Yup." 

"I'll bet his room in that Solaris place was so clean you could eat off the floor, right?" Vehra spoke. 

"Oh, yeah," Victor spoke. 

"Well, some things never change..." she said. 

"Hey, there's nothin' wrong with wantin' yourself and your surroundings to be clean," Finn defended. "That's what mom always says, right?" 

"Right. You're a good boy, Finny," his mom said. 

"I used to call him 'Immaculate Boy'," Vehra said. 

"Hey! Don't call me that!" 

"Do you even know what 'immaculate' means, Finn?" Vehra spoke. 

"Of course I do! I was called it enough!" 

"Then what does it mean?" 

"Uh.....er....um....something about...virgins and..." 

"In that case, it means you're anal-retentively neat," Victor spoke. 

"Huh? Oh, yeah. I knew that," Finn said sheepishly. 

"Yep. Finn, still thick as ever. But...I love him anyway." Vehra hugged him from behind. 

"So...would any of you kids like a tour of the store?" Ven asked. 

"Yeah, sure. Why not?" Victor spoke up. "What about you, Knute?" 

"Okay." 

"Yeah," Vance agreed. 

Ven looked at Renk, who sat quietly on the couch, staring at his feet. 

"Something bugging him?" Ven asked. 

"Dad...never mind him. Just show the others around, okay? I'll catch up." 

"Okay, whatever. Come on, kids. Follow me." 

Finn sat next to Renk on the couch. 

"You wanna go somewhere quiet?" 

Renk nodded lightly. 

"Come on. You can lie down in my room. It's sort of small, but it's clean and cool, and not noisy like it is out here in the living room." 

Finn led Renk out of the sitting room, and into the room at the end of the hall. Renk walked in and Finn whistled. 

"Wow! Mom's been dusting the place every day, I bet. It's exactly as I remember leaving it." 

"It's -- very clean." 

"Yeah, well, I like it that way." 

Finn bounced on the bed a few times, like a child who'd eaten too much chocolate. "Yeah, this old, familiar bed. Nothing like a familiar bed, eh, Renk?" 

The eldest of the Special Forces was looking out the window at the far end of the room and not saying anything at all. 

"A familiar bed...there's not going to be such a thing for me now. Not if Ayra's not there beside me." 

Finn wasn't sure what to say. 

"Sorry, Renk. I wasn't thinkin'." 

"It's alright. I'd just like to be alone for awhile." 

"Sure. I'll catch up with the guys, you get some rest, okay?" 

Renk just continued to look out the window. Finn decided it would be best to leave him be. 

* * * 

Renk walked around Finn's room slowly, seeing the man Finn had once been, years ago, before Solaris had come and changed his life. Of course everything was neat, and had its place. There was a poster of some female singer on the wall, very tastefully done, and she was very cute. Very much Finn's type, Renk could see it. Finn also appeared to have something for comic books, which was obvious from his bookcase. But most shocking of all to Renk, there was a book of scriptures from the Nisan Church on the bedside table. It looked like it was read often. 

"I had no idea Finn was religious," Renk whispered to himself. "He probably had no idea he was religious." 

A teddy bear sat upon his pillow. It was also worn, but still impeccably taken care of, as if it had been one of Finn's first toys. 

"Finn had a teddy bear...at his age? He mentioned it was eight years ago. So he was sixteen when he was stolen from his parents. Probably out on his first trip alone. Damn Solaris. They ruin the lives of everyone. Rip families from one another. Husbands from wives, fathers from daughters." 

His eyes welled with tears again as he thought of his loved ones. The bear reminded him of Danie. 

_Oh, Ayra, Danie...if only I'd known, I would have brought you with me. I would have protected you. I'd have found out who I was here, and we could have lived happily. Now...I'll never see your shining eyes again, Ayra, or hear your merry laugh, Danie. I'll never know what kind of a woman you'd have been. But...I imagine you'd have been beautiful, graceful, full of happiness, like your mother. You'd have been loved very much. _

Damn you both for leaving me. Damn that red gear. Damn Solaris. Damn it all! 

I can't see the path ahead. For me, there is only blackness. I don't know which path to take so I'll merely follow, and hope that one day I will be led back into the light. 

I said you'd have been much loved. That's not entirely true. Rather, it's that you are loved, and you will always be loved. And never, ever forgotten. 

* * * * * * 

The day passed into night as Finn led them all around the sights in Dazil, as he remembered them. The small town had changed little, and almost everyone Finn ran into remembered him. Finn's mother had prepared a grandiose dinner for the group of men, which they heartily ate. It was the best thing they had eaten in days. Right afterwards, Finn's mother hustled them off to bed. 

"You can sleep here on the floor, as long as you're not going to move around a lot and kick anything over. If not, there's Finny's floor. His room's not very big, and probably there's only enough room for one." 

"Renk's probably got the bed, so I'll leave him to it," Finn said. "But there's room for one more guy on the floor. I'll sleep in the living room. I'm too big to sleep on the couch, so one of youse guys can have it." 

"Understood," Victor said. "We'll take the living room, too, right, Knute?" 

"Yeah, sure. You want the couch?" 

Victor shrugged. "Whatever. My feet might stick out of it. It's better suited to someone your height, Knute. Shorty." 

"I'd kill you if I didn't want to mess up Mrs. Broyer's nice, clean floor." 

"Yeah, sure you would." 

"I'll sleep in the bedroom with Renk," Vance said. 

"Sure. I'm going out for some air," Finn said, leaving his pals to sort out the sleeping arrangements on their own. 

He breathed in the crisp, clean air over the desert night. The nights were shorter at this time of year, and the stars lit up the sky in a spectacular light show. 

Vehra joined him outside. 

"They're really bright, aren't they?" she asked. 

"Yeah. Didn't see them like this in Solaris. Something about having too many lights around." 

"Yeah, you've missed out on a lot of things. Do you remember when we used to sneak out here in the middle of the night and watch the stars together?" 

Finn thought back. "No." 

"Well, we did. One night dad caught us, and was he ever hopping mad. We got in such trouble." 

"I remember something about him being mad. But I can't remember why he was." 

"Well, that was it." Vehra sighed. "I'm sorry." 

"Huh? Why?" 

"For doubting you. For doubting you'd be back." 

"You really didn't think I'd be back?" 

"Well...not really." 

"Hey, it's okay. It was kinda a fluke I ended up here, anyway." 

"I like to think it was fate." 

"Fate?" 

"Yeah. Your rendezvous was really close to Dazil. I just happened to be walking down the street in just the right place to see you. If I'd decided to go the other way, I'd have never run into you, and I probably would have never seen you again. Something made me take the long way today. I can't explain it." 

"That's weird." 

"Yeah, it sure is. But...it made me run into you, and it's great to see you again." 

"Yeah, I'm happy, too." 

Vehra brushed the hair out of her eyes. "I like your friends, too." 

"Yeah, well, they're good guys." 

"Your friend Renk is kind of quiet. Like he has a lot on his mind." 

"He lost his wife and kid when Etrenank fell, and he's really broken up about it." 

"Oh...I see." 

"We're givin' him some space to be alone and stuff if he wants to. We're all just hopin' he'll be okay." 

"These things take time, Finn. It's only been a couple days, right, and it's still so fresh. Give him time. He'll be alright, with any luck," Vehra said. 

"Yeah, I guess." 

"Something's bugging you, too. Is there something on your mind, Finn?" 

"Nah. Not really." 

"Finn Broyer, don't lie to me. I can always tell." 

"It's nothin'. Forget it." 

"It's that 'Lieutenant' your friends mentioned, right?" 

"Well.....yeah, it is." 

"She your girlfriend?" 

"Well, yeah. I guess so. She's....she's just great." 

"You're worried about her, right?" 

"Yeah. I don't know whether she's dead or alive or whatever. I just wish I knew." 

"What's her name?" 

"A couple things. Lieutenant Owens. Lieutenant Seraphita. But I call her Sera. Her friends call her 'Sera'. She thought of me as a friend. More than a friend...I hope." 

"Did you kiss her?" Vehra asked. 

"Yeah. More than once." 

"Then she's more than a friend, then." 

"Yeah, I guess." 

Vehra rocked on her feet a moment. 

"Dad...was talking about you staying here in Dazil and working for the store again. But I don't know what you want to do. I know you've probably got to find your girl. But...dad's not a young man anymore, and nobody's ever been able to replace you as a salesman. It'd be wonderful to have you here again. But...I don't think it's fair for us to even ask you. You've been through so much, and you have such wonderful friends. You don't even remember everything about us anymore." 

Finn stared off into the night. "Yeah, I know. But...it doesn't mean I don't love youse guys." 

"But you love Sera, too, right?" 

"Yeah. I do. Even though she's a slob, I love her." 

"Wow...that _is_ love, then." 

"Yeah...but...I don't know if I'd only be searching to find out the worst. It's better to be able to hope we'll be able to see one another again, then to find out she's dead. I know dad and mom really need help with the store, and even though I couldn't help it, I can't help feelin' a little guilty for not bein' here and helping out. I think I wanna stay here with youse guys for awhile, and remember who youse guys are. Then, when I know things are fine and the time's sorta right, I'll look for my buddies and Sera." 

"They're going to move on to Nortune, aren't they?" 

"Yeah. As soon as they get the money together to rent a sand buggy, they're probably gonna go." 

"How dangerous is it for them to stay here?" 

"Well, I dunno. Depends on whether Solaris is looking for us or not. But to be safe, it's better they get outta here before they can track 'em. It'll be easier for one person to hide than five." 

"Yes, I see. You don't have any money?" 

"Well, we've got money, but it's Solaris money, and you can't use it the same way here. They took surface money in Solaris, but the sand buggy guy didn't want Solaris creds." 

"Well, I'm sure mom and dad could give your friends some money to rent a buggy and to help them settle in Nortune. It's an expensive place, and they'll need all the help they can get." 

"You'd do that for them? Oh, Vehra, that's so nice!" 

"Yeah, yeah. Your friends mean a lot to you. And it is nice to see you with real friends. So we'll help them because they were so good to you." 

"Thanks, Vehra." 

"Don't mention it. Say, do those guys have somewhere to go when they get there? To Nortune, I mean?" 

"Well...I dunno. I didn't think about that. You think they'll be okay?" 

"Hmm..that depends on whether they have people they know there, like a family." 

"I know Victor and Knute are from Nortune, but they never said anythin' about family. Vance is from Bledavik, but he doesn't want to go there. Maybe he's got no family. Renk hasn't talked about where he's from. I don't think he remembers. But he's too sad now to think about all that." 

"Well, I'm sure either Victor or Knute will have family who can help them out. You've just gotta cross your fingers and hope." 

"Yeah." 

"So, are you coming inside?" 

Finn nodded. "In a couple minutes. I kinda wanted to just stay out here for a bit and stuff, like I used to." 

"Okay." Vehra pecked him on the cheek affectionately. "Good night, Finn." 

She left him alone to look out over the Dazil night. 

_Who woulda ever thought? That Solaris would crash down and I'd end up here, back where I belong? That I would even remember that I once had a place to belong? If anyone'd told me that last week, I'd have laughed my ass off. But -- it's here, it's happened. A lot of stuff's still foggy, but I remember a lot of things and people I didn't even know were missing. Now I kinda understand why I'm like the way I am. I'm a little of mom and a little of dad... I know now who the Broyers are. Instead of one, I am now four. Even though...there's still one missing. _

The woman who might one day become a Broyer. Maybe. Perhaps I always knew it. Sounds kinda dumb. I've only known her for three days. But Sera's made such an impact on my life...I never believed in love at first sight before I met her. But...now I don't even know if she's alive or dead. I want to believe she's alive, but my brain says she has to be dead. Maybe I should stop chasin' shadows. Put her memory in the past and go on. Meet someone else who I can love. But there just won't be anyone quite like her. 

* * * * * * 

A young girl screamed and it was followed by his own. He tried to turn away from the horrible images, but they wouldn't allow him to. They held his head tight on the scene...the horror of what he had done to them burning into his mind. 

"No...no....let me look away....don't make me watch anymore!" he pleaded. 

"When one commits a crime, they must suffer the consequences. It is because of what you did that they must suffer like this!" a harsh man's voice barked. 

He choked back bitter tears, closing his eyes, the only thing he could do. But he still saw the whole thing through his eyelids, he didn't need to see to imagine. 

His eyes snapped opened, and the only scream left was his own. 

It took a moment for him to realize where he was. Finn's house in Dazil. Far away from that time he would rather forget that his dreams wouldn't allow him. 

"Hey....Vance...." came Renk's voice softly in the darkness. 

"Um....did I wake you up? Sorry..." Vance apologized. 

"Never mind. I wasn't sleeping that good anyway." 

Vance nodded. 

"What's up, kid?" 

"Nothing. I'm okay." 

"Doesn't sound like it." 

"Renk, do you have any Drive left?" 

"No. Why?" Renk asked quizzically. 

Vance rose in a daze. "Maybe one of the other guys has some left. I have to have it. I have to have it..." 

"Hey, hey, now wait a minute!" Renk said, grabbing Vance's arm. "You don't need that stuff anymore. Besides, the others let theirs sink with their gears. I watched 'em do it, and so did you. What's going on? Have you been sleeping good? We've all kinda noticed you've got these dark circles under your eyes." 

Vance said nothing as he felt a piece of his sanity slip away. He had thought escaping from Solaris would take away those horrible dreams, but this had proved that his problem was far from over. 

He kept shaking his head, as much as the quaking in his body came over him. He couldn't help making himself as small as he could, hunched against the bed. 

"I'm just so tired...why can't I sleep...why can't they just let me sleep?" 

"What? What won't let you sleep?" 

"The nightmares! Those damn nightmares!" 

"Nightmares?" Renk questions. 

Vance shook his head more vigorously, but said nothing. 

"Vance? Are you gonna be okay?" 

"I don't know...I don't know...I thought when Solaris fell that they would go away..." 

"I don't understand...what nightmares?" 

Vance opened his mouth to speak, but quickly shut it. It had weighed so heavily on his mind, but he still couldn't talk about it. Not even with Renk. 

"Never mind. Never mind, okay? I'll be alright. Just let me sit here quietly. I'll be okay." 

"Are you sure?" 

"Yeah. It's happened before. I'll be okay." 

Renk nodded. "If you insist. But...feel free to wake me if you change your mind." 

"Worry about yourself, Renk. You've got a lot on your mind without taking on my problems." 

"Hey, isn't it my duty? Aren't I kinda like the dad of all you guys or something? Didn't you say that?" 

"Yeah, I guess. But...I'll be fine. I'll have to be fine." 

"Okay. But I'm here. Now I'm going back to sleep." 

Vance nodded as Renk crawled back in bed. 

The young man stared into the darkness, thinking. 

_It's all my fault, you know. The reason I'm being punished with these bad dreams is to make up for the sin which gave me them. If only I hadn't been so desperate, maybe they would all be here with me now. _

No, I'd be dead. I'd be dead with Solaris and all the Solarians. Had I not done it, I would have never entered Gebler, and I'd have been a sitting duck. I wouldn't have even known what hit me, the red gear was so fast. 

But why do those thoughts make me feel so guilty? Because I know they're selfish, horrible and so typically -- me. Why do I always think only for myself without considering the consequences? That's what got me into this. 

I'm free now, but I'll never gain true freedom until I end the war within my mind. If only someone or something could help me end it. Something more permanent and less harmful than Drive. 

* * * * * * 

They all met outside the store that morning at sunrise. Finn's parents presented them with enough money to make it to Nortune. 

"That's very generous of you," Victor said. "Thank you very much. To be honest, we weren't quite sure how we were going to get the money. We were considering just walking there, though it wasn't a desirable option." 

"Well, now you can get there in an eighth of the time," Ven Broyer said. "It should only take ya about a week to get to the edge of the desert, and another day or two on foot once you reach the Kislev border. I hear it's opened now that the war's finally over. You should have no trouble crossing." 

"That's good to hear," Victor spoke. 

"Where's Finn?" Vance asked, not seeing him in the small crowd. 

"He'll be here. He had something to tell you guys," Vehra said. 

"Hmm..." 

The large former Special Forces troop stepped out of the store and joined his friends. He had shed the Gebler uniform in exchange for light cotton robes. 

"Hey, Finn...you don't look ready to go. What's with the duds?" Knute said, regarding Finn's desert clothes. 

"Guys, I'm not gonna come to Nortune." 

"Finn..." 

"I'm gonna have to follow my path, and right now it leads me here, to my folks' shop. I've been gone almost eight years, and I've gotta lot of catching up to do. I wanna find out who I am, ya know? When the time's right, I'm gonna come to Nortune and see how youse guys are doing, but right now, it's best I stay right here." 

Knute nodded. "We understand, Finn. I'm just glad everything worked out for you. You have to follow your path, just like Vic and I are following ours." 

Finn nodded. "Okay. I'm glad you guys get what I'm sayin'." 

"If we're ever passing by, we'll pop in. And we know the address of this place, so we can write if anything exciting happens to us," Knute said. 

"Yeah, I'll write you, too." 

Victor and Knute looked at each other. 

"Yeah, okay. If you can find us, whatever." 

"Oh! I get what youse guys are sayin'. Well, you can mail me your address when you find out what it's gonna be, okay?" 

"Fair enough. We've got a deal." 

For a long time, all was silent between them. 

Finn grabbed Vance, Knute and Victor in a strong bear hug. 

"It's been fun, really. I'm gonna miss youse guys!" 

"Ugh! AGH! Let go, Finn! Ow, that hurts!" Vance exclaimed. 

"Oh, my pretty hair...he's wrecking my hair!" Knute cried. 

"You are so vain, Knute..." Victor mumbled. "Ouch..." 

"Um...could you put us down...?" Vance said. 

"Oh, uh.....Sorry, guys." And Finn released them. 

Knute pulled out his comb and quickly fixed his dishevelled hair. 

"Can I borrow that?" Vance asked. 

"EEW! No. I don't know if you've got lice or something." 

Vance sighed, and tried to fix his hair with his fingers. 

"We'll go rent the sand buggy. Thanks again for the money, Mr. and Mrs. Broyer," Knute said. 

"Yes. Thank you," Victor chimed in. 

"It was no hassle. Just go, go. Find your paths, kids. My son's gonna do just fine here, I know it." 

Vance, Victor and Knute walked off, but Renk stayed a little longer. He approached Finn quietly. 

"Renk...?" Finn said questioningly. 

"Good luck. Your sister and parents are great people," Renk said quietly. 

"Yeah, thanks, Renk. I hope you feel better, too. You've been like a dad to me, when I didn't remember my dad. And I still don't know if my real dad is as good to go to with problems and stuff as you were. I'll always remember that." 

Renk looked genuinely touched. "Thanks, Finn." 

Finn gave him a more gentle hug. "See ya someday soon." 

"Count on it." 

"Good." 

"Well, I'd best follow the others." 

Finn nodded. "Yeah." 

He didn't want to watch them go, but he couldn't help it. He had spent over a year with the Special Forces, and he had grown so attached to them all. He looked upon them like brothers. Even Knute, who could be a real jerk. 

"Bye, guys...may God be with you..." he whispered just as he stepped back into the Broyer household. 

End of Chapter 3 

_Unfortunately, it might be awhile before there's a chapter 4 to this story. I have chapters 5 and 6 mostly written along with the epilogue, but chapter 4 keeps stumping me. Anyway, it's title is "Nortune, City of Fortune", for when I do finish it. I'm working on the fic all the time, but my life has been busy as of late, and I've decided to re-write chapter 5, too. I haven't abandoned this story -- it's just taking me a bit of time to finish._ _Xenogears, the world and its situations are (c)2000 by Square, not me. This is a fanfic, after all._


	4. Nortune, City of Fortune

Chapter 4 ****

Gebler Special Forces  
Chapter 4   
Nortune, City of Fortune __

Well, here it is, finally after two and a half years! Chapter four is done. It's almost twice as long as the previous chapters, so be ready for it. I still need a beta reader for this chapter and the entire story, so if you're interested, just e-mail me from my profile. Be aware the rating for this chapter is PG-13 due to language. 

* * *

Days passed as they traveled through the desert. 

Vance alternated the odd catnap and tinkering with Clawknight's components, because naps were all he could allow himself before the bad dreams overcame him. His body was clearly drained, and everyone noticed he was on edge. When Victor or Knute tried to jibe him, Renk tersely told them to leave him alone. Otherwise, Renk was also quiet, still engulfed in his own grief, and sleeping almost as little as Vance. 

A week later, the remaining Special Forces members reached the edge of the desert and left the sandbuggy with the Kislev border guards. It was true that the borders had once again been opened up for free passage. It would only be another day or two until they were back in Nortune. 

Vance was having one of his short naps and Renk had gone for a walk, leaving Victor and Knute alone around the fire they had set on the open plain. 

"Say, Vic, I bet you're not gonna run into your old man's arms when we get back to Nortune, eh?" 

"I don't even want to see that old fool. Never gave a damn about me, feeling's mutual." 

Knute nodded. "Nah, I don't really want to see my parents, either. You know they'd chide me about taking off like that. Tell me how I'd wrecked my life. I'll show them. I'll make something of myself one day." 

"That being said..." Victor added. "What do you suppose we do when we get to Nortune?" 

Knute closed his eyes for a second, trying to come up with a quick answer. But he found none except the truth. "Hmmm...I hadn't thought about it. What do you think?" 

"Well...we're gonna need to get jobs, I guess. Put our lives back together and do something else." 

"Do you think the Kislev military needs gear pilots?" 

"I think the Kislev Military's currently on standby, now that Shakhan's been overthrown and the new king of Aveh wants peace. They're probably sending guys home rather than drafting them. Besides, their gears are old and all beaten up, and they'd be hell to ride. We've ridden older, but still, Solaris gears can spoil a person..." 

"When was that? What beat-up gears did we ride?" Knute asked. He couldn't remember doing that at all. Then again, there were huge chunks of time he couldn't remember just yet. 

Victor fell silent for an awkward moment. "Did I say that? Forget it." 

Knute shrugged, choosing to ignore it. "Hmm...well, I'm not becoming a city guard." 

"What's wrong with city guard?" 

"City guard is WAY beyond me!" Knute said. "I've been there, done that. Don't tell me you don't feel the same way." 

Victor took off his glasses, glanced at them in the firelight, and then rubbed them clean with his shirt. "Yeah. I see where you're coming from," he said. "But what else do we know how to do?" 

Knute thought about it again. "I know we know how to do lots of stuff, but...none of it's really useful. Not here, anyway." 

"Yeah, I've been thinking that, too. And there's not just us to think about. What about Vance and Renk?" 

"I wouldn't worry about Vance. See him tinkering with that thing he took out of Clawknight? He'll find a good job doing something with computers. And Renk...well, just because city guard is beyond us, doesn't mean it's beyond him. Besides, I don't think he's ready yet. Give him a couple months, and maybe he'll feel up to working. We can look after him until then. After all he's done for us in the last couple years, it's the least we can do for him." 

"Yeah, you're right." 

Knute shook his head. "This is too much to think about tonight. Let's worry about it in the morning when we get there." 

* * * * * * 

Steam rose from the Kislev capital of Nortune, coating everything around it, especially in the lower ranked blocks, C, B and D. Ninety percent of the population lived in the Residential C block, while five percent were criminals who lived in the D Block Prison. B block was dedicated to industrial use. The other five percent lived in the prestigious A Block. This was where Knute and Victor had both been born. Tucked far on the outskirts of Nortune, as far from the prison as possible, the area also managed to be absolved of most of the steam, which was a by-product of power generation. The people lived well in large homes, the celebrities, the CEOs, and the rest of the affluent. The only person of wealth in the town who hadn't taken residence in A block was Kislev's own Kaiser Sigmund, who chose to live in the same building as his office for convenience and security reasons.. 

"This place hasn't changed at all," Knute said. 

"Yes. Still steamy....except up in A block, I'm sure." 

"Yeah. Those guys take the hard-made energy from B block and don't have to suffer like everyone else. Always thinking too much of themselves." 

"I know." 

Vance walked a bit farther ahead of the group. "So this is what this place looks like from the ground." 

"It's the world's largest city. Ta da. Nortune. Home of the Helmholzs and Stratskis." 

"You said you guys aren't going home, though," Vance said. 

"Well no, we aren't...but Nortune is still ours even if that's not with our families. We still did grow up here. And there were some friends I wouldn't mind looking up. It's nostalgia too, I guess," Victor said. 

"Besides, if we're going to get a job anywhere on this world, it'll be here. You'll like it here, Vance. A high-tech haven. Sure, it's still not Solaris, but it's as close as you'll come on the surface," Knute agreed. 

The boy nodded. Victor could tell it was a genuine sentiment from Vance, so he let it be. "I guess for now we can get ourselves a room at the inn until we're settled in, and then we can find places of our own once we've saved up a bit. How's that sound, Knute?" 

"Good, good. That'll work." 

"Uh huh. But let's still take a step at a time. It's late, it's been a long walk, and I could really stand for some sleep. Let's get a room and start looking for a job in the morning." 

* * * * * * 

The next morning when Knute rose, he realized Vance was already awake -- either already awake, or hadn't gone to sleep yet. The boy had turned the small desk in the far corner of the room into a workbench that was already covered in a menagerie of spare gear and computer parts. At first Knute didn't dare approach him. Besides, he had to look perfect for the trip into B block. He and Knute had gone out for some local clothing after checking into the inn the night before, so they wouldn't stand out or be spotted by Solarian spies. 

When Knute got out of the bathroom after about an hour of preening himself, he realized Vance was still busy working. He'd never seen him into anything quite that much before, so he became curious. 

"Working on anything interesting?" Knute asked. 

"Don't know yet," Vance responded, not even looking up from his work. Knute noticed Vance's hands were a little bit shaky, and something inside Knute told him to mention it. 

"You should get some sleep, Vance. Look, you're not doing so hot." 

"What the hell would you know?" he replied again, and his hands became even more shaky. "Leave me alone, Knute." 

"Hey, I was just worried about you. You're shaking." 

"My hands are fine. Go away." 

"Whaaatever...." Knute responded, shaking his head. _ If I knew we hadn't thrown away all our Drive with the gears, I'd swear the squirt was on it again... _

"You ready to go, Knute?" Victor asked him. 

"Yeah." 

"Finally.....man, you're as bad as a woman sometimes." 

Knute stuck out his tongue. "Pppth." 

Victor rolled his eyes at the sentiment as he usually did, and turned to go. 

"Hey, you guys..." Vance called out, still not looking up from his work. 

"What?" Victor asked. 

"When Renk woke up for a few minutes, he told me to tell you both good luck." 

Victor nodded. "Tell him thanks. We'd better go. See ya, Vance." 

Vance acknowledged them with a small wave that was more a token gesture than a true sentiment. Knute shrugged it off, and turned back to the task at hand. 

"Where do you think we should start?" Knute asked. 

"Hmm...perhaps the factory district?" 

"Factory? I suppose I could do that for awhile. I haven't done it yet. And with the war ending, they'll start to put their money in commerce again. My dad must be ecstatic." 

"Yeah, mine too. They hated it when the war flared up because it was bad for business." 

"Can't make money selling anything if everyone's money is going into buying armor and weapons. Wonder if the business is even around anymore." 

"Your dad probably wrangled it and got into the armor and weapons business." 

"Yeah. Your dad, too. Anyway, let's just look and see what's available." 

* * * * * * 

A whole day had gone by, and Victor and Knute had pretty much exhausted all their options in the factories in the west end of B block. 

"Let's just try this one last place. You never know," Knute said. 

"Yeah, okay. What is this place? Another weapons factory? You know all the other ones before have been in the process of shutting down." 

"I know. But you never know. Asking won't hurt." 

Victor shrugged then stretched. " I can't believe we've been at this all day. I almost forgot how nerve-wracking looking for a job can be. At least Solaris places you. You don't have to go through this agony." 

"Well, if they place you in a job you hate, then I'd rather look," Knute said. 

"Hey, did you have a problem with being a soldier in Gebler?" 

"Not me. But I knew people who hated what they were doing. Sure, if they saw you had talent in something else, they'd move you up, but..." 

"Yeah, well....looking back it sort of worked sometimes." 

"Sometimes, I guess. I wonder how that chick who owned the import store ever got to start her own business. Wonder if she had to apply for it specially." 

"Probably had to sleep with Krelian or something." The thought made Victor shudder. "That Krelian guy still gives me the creeps. If I never see him again, it'll be too much." 

"Yeah, tell me about it." 

The pair stepped into the main office where a lone receptionist sat. She still appeared to be somewhat busy, though the two noted there was not much noise coming from the direction of the factory. 

"Uh huh....no, we're not going to be slowing down production until the peace agreement with Aveh is officially signed. But I'm still not sure if that means we're hiring. I suppose it couldn't hurt to ask the boss, though. I'll call him out. Please, gentlemen. Have a seat." 

Another office, another boss. Victor really hated it. He had never been passed over so much before. It had always been so easy -- walk in, get the job. His training for the Special Forces had been hard, but he never thought at any point that he wouldn't make the cut. And here he and Knute had been told 'sorry' so many times just in that day alone...what if it would be like this for a long time? 

Eventually a man entered the lobby. He was tall, svelte in form, grey-haired, and, by the way he carried himself, important. 

Victor's eyes went wide as he beheld the man who he hadn't seen in years. His father, Kroner Helmholz, was a powerful man in the business world of Nortune. But greater still was the power he had over his son. 

"Oh, great. What's HE doing here?" he whispered quietly to Knute. 

"What? Who?" Knute said, also looking up. "Ah...oh, no. But... I thought your dad owned a sandbuggy company. This is a weapons factory. And what the heck would the CEO be doing down here with the riffraff?" 

"He probably bought this factory when the war heated up again. And...my dad was always a 'hands-on' sort of guy. But no time to ponder it. Let's get out of here before he sees me..." 

"I'm with you," Knute said, already standing and walking towards the door. 

"Oh, gentlemen! Please don't leave! Mr. Helmholz said he would speak with you since foreman is busy." 

"Yes, gentlemen," Victor's dad spoke. "Please come in." 

The commanding voice ripped into Victor's head. An old feeling came over him -- the one that froze at the sound of his father's voice. He had never been able to ignore him or disobey him in his presence. Not with that booming, imperative voice. 

"Hey, Vic? Let's go..." Knute said, shaking on the arm. 

Victor shook his head silently. "I - I..." 

"Wait a moment," Victor's father said. "Don't I know you from somewhere, gentlemen?" 

Knute tugged at his arm, but instead Victor chose to turn back towards the receptionist's desk, staring at the older man, but not saying a word. 

"Victor..." the man's voice bellowed. It was hard to tell exactly what was meant by his tone, but it was enough to completely draw Victor in. It had been so long since his father had spoken to him, but the effect was still there. 

"Father..." he spoke in response for lack of nothing better to say. 

"Why...Victor, it really IS you. I wasn't sure. You were just a boy when you ran away." 

"Yeah.... I -- I came back..." 

"What brings you back to Nortune?" 

His father's voice was cold, emotionless. Victor would have preferred it for his father to be mad. For once would the man show some sort of sign that he cared? 

"Just came back. We're looking for a job." 

"Hmm...a job? Aren't many of those, I'm afraid." 

"Doesn't seem to be, no..." 

"And that's originally why you were here, I'm supposing. You didn't know I own this factory now. Weaponry was a good business, but if this treaty gets signed, there's not much potential for profit in the future. I've had to lay off 75% of the workers in this factory as it is. Of course, I do still have the parts factory, and it's going well, but my days in weaponry are over." 

Victor knew what his father was basically saying, "Forget it. I'm not giving you a job." and something about that really pained him. But he couldn't let his father see his disappointment. He remembered once hearing his father whisper, "My son is weak-willed. He's too dependent on me. I'll have to send him away to teach him about self reliance. The Academy helped me. It will also help him." 

After that, Knute became Victor's family. Even though their parents had known each other, they had never met until they both attended school at the Academy. Knute was two grades younger than Victor, but Knute had been there since his schooling began. When Victor and Knute had been given a dorm room together, they quickly became inseparable. Victor became like a big brother for Knute, while Stratski revitalized the serious Helmholz. 

"So...there are no jobs for us," Knute asked to clarify what Victor already knew. Yes, he knew his father wouldn't be as generous as a father perhaps should be. 

"No, I'm afraid not. Not in my company." 

"Well, I'm sorry I wasted your precious time," Knute said with a slightly sarcastic tone Victor would never dare use with his father. Then again, he wasn't trying to stop Knute from saying the things. After all, Victor would say them if he has the ability to stand up against this man. But his father only nodded, not even seeming phased. 

"However...if you both made some contacts, you might find your task easier. I'm having a party at my mansion tonight, and a lot of important people are going to be in attendance. You're both invited, if you wish." 

A party... Victor remembered them... noisy, but dignified. But the faces had all been strangers when he was much younger. Now some of them might be people he knew and went to school with, but... did he really care? 

"We'll think about it," Knute said as if reading Victor's mind. "Let's go, Vic." 

Outside the door, Victor stopped a minute, resisting the temptation to go back inside. 

"Ugh... I hate the way that guy's got control over me. Let's just keep walking, Knute." 

Knute nodded and led them away. 

Victor could only look at his feet as he and Knute headed back to the inn. Knute could understand the disappointment in his friend's expression. Kroner Helmholz was not a man one wanted to make angry. The couple times in Victor's life that he had tried to disobey him, he was punished severely, usually with a humiliation so great that it had beaten him into submission. Knute hated the effect the powerful man had on his best friend. He just wanted to punch Kroner Helmholz for all the coldness he had shown towards his own son. 

"Your dad snaps his fingers and you beg. It's always been like that, Victor," Knute said, not intending to sound like he was lecturing, but that's how Victor took it. 

"I can't help it. He's a very commanding person. I just hear his voice and I freeze. It's been that way since I was little." 

Knute sighed. "Ever since I've known you, at least. I don't have a problem like that." 

"Yeah, well..." 

"Vic, your dad doesn't matter. What I meant was...it's okay that you froze like that. Didn't matter, anyway. Gave me a chance to give him a piece of my mind..." 

"Please, Knute. Don't get in trouble because of me. It's not important." 

"Hey, what are buds for, right? And like hell it's not important. That man's treated you like crap your whole life. One of these days, I'm gonna hit the man, honest." 

Victor remained silent, so Knute decided to change the subject. "So...are you going to go?" 

"I think so. You? 

"No way. That's not my scene." 

Victor cleared his throat, as if he almost said something he didn't want to. "It's not really my scene either, Knute. But I'm a little curious to see where some of the people from school have ended up." 

Knute thought about it. When he and Victor had left Nortune, they had left behind that life. The first night, over a crackling fire, the two of them made a pact never to return to that world. It was a memory so vivid to Knute, more vivid than most of them had been. It was that promise, that memory, that he held on to so closely when things had looked down on their short journey here on the surface. 

"One night. Just to see some of the old gang, see what they've made of their lives. But that'll be the end for me." 

"I know. Me too. It's sheer curiosity with me. But I wonder...." 

"Wonder what?" 

Victor shook his head. "Nothing. Never mind. If that's meant to come back to you, it will. I'll just have to count my blessings it won't happen." 

"You're holding something back? Hey, that's not fair, Vic. You know I still have a lot of missing pieces." 

"Yeah, well....that's one piece I hope you go on missing." 

"Is it really that bad?" 

"I thought so. You'd likely disagree." 

"Then you should tell me." 

"In due time, it'll come back. I'm not telling you, Knute." 

"I hate you, Vic." 

"Yeah, well...it's for your own good." 

"Well, okay. But it had better be...." Knute looked at his feet. He hated the holes that were still in his memory, but Victor was right. They'd come back when they were important. 

Knute saw his semi-casual clothes and realized that outside his Gebler uniform, he had no other respectable outfit to wear to the party. 

"Say...I don't have a suit." 

"I was thinking it would probably be good enough if we took off the robe portion of our uniforms. Still looks sort of military, but it doesn't look too funny." 

"Hmmm...could work." 

"I hated that stupid robe part, anyway." 

"Yeah. Whoever designed Gebler's uniforms had no taste." 

"Hmmm. True. So should we invite Vance and Renk?" 

"Nah. They'd be bored to death. Besides, I don't think Renk would be in the mood and Vance might make an ass of himself." 

"Off Drive, he's a completely different person. Even though he has been a little snarky lately." 

"Still...why torture him with a boring party where he doesn't know anybody?" 

"Yeah, good point. Never mind, then." 

Knute and Victor stepped up to the inn silently. 

"Say...." Knute said, almost like an afterthought. "I just wondered...do you think my parents will be there?" 

"Probably." 

"I don't know if I can face them, Vic." 

"Ah, come on. You're curious to find out what happened to people, right?" 

"Yeah, I guess so. Alright. Let's get ready." 

* * * * * * 

The party was rather extravagant, held in a large ballroom of the mansion that had been Victor's childhood home. He approached it with a bit of apprehension, but then gained his nerve when he realized he was not a stranger here. 

"Ah, hello!" came an older voice which approached Victor and Knute quickly. The face that matched it was a family friend of the Helmholz, but Victor had never liked him. However, that didn't mean he could pretend. 

"Mr. Tenek," Victor said, hiding his true feelings behind a smile. "How are you?" 

"Oh, things have been just great, just great! I never knew the war flaring up would be so beneficial to my business. We decided to expand and blah blah blah..." 

Victor looked desperately for an opening, but there was none in sight. Knute was also looking around. After a minute, Knute nudged him. "It's Porland." 

Victor looked off in the direction Knute was motioning to. So it was Porland Devera. Back at the Academy, Porland had often been a third member of Victor and Knute's partnership in crime. He was a little bigger than when they had all been in school together, but he still appeared to be the same Porland with the boisterous laugh. Victor's eyes met with that of his old friend, and Victor lightly waved. 

"A friend of yours?" Mr. Tenek observed. "Ah, yes, yes. Gentlemen, I completely understand! You want to see your friends -- not yammer on with an old crow like me. You know, this reminds me of a time when..." 

Victor and Knute ducked away before the man could go any farther. 

"Why if it isn't Vic Helmholz and Knute Stratski!" Porland said, approaching them. 

"Hey hey!" Victor held out his hand for a high five but it was ignored. 

"So what have you pair been up to?" Porland asked. 

"Not much..." Knute replied. 

"Aaah, I thought so. As my father and I both theorized, we knew you'd come crawling back when you grew tired of your game -- whatever it was. Now maybe you can do something respectable with your lives..." 

Victor felt a distinct urge to hit his old friend, but held himself back skillfully. Porland went on, ripping in to how much of a mistake it had been to leave, his completely facetious tone only grating on Victor's nerves. 

"Well, what would you know?" Knute asked with a completely straight face. If Victor hadn't been so peeved himself, he might have actually tried to stop him. "You wanted to go with us, but you chickened out at the last minute. And until you've been through what Vic and I have been through, don't you DARE trash us...have a NICE day, Porland, you overstuffed coward." 

Knute walked away with his back straight with pride. Victor couldn't think of many moments where he had been as proud of his pal. 

How could people change so much? To think Porland had once been one of his very best friends so long ago. 

The others they ran into weren't much better. They met up with several more whom they had chummed around with in a younger day, when they all vowed not to become their parents. They all had. Shallow, arrogant, with money being the most important thing in their lives. Was it fate? Would he and Knute eventually end up the same way? 

"Well, that was yet another simply depressing scene, don't you think, pal?" Knute said after the latest friend had smited their foolishness. Despite the calm, almost deadpan way it had been said, Victor knew it was Knute's way of trying to cheer himself up. 

"Yeah..." Victor replied. "You know, I've seen enough. I've had it with this crummy party. What say we split?" 

"Hey, that sounds great.... but didn't you want to look around a bit before you go? You said you wanted to, and you haven't been in this house in a loooong time." 

"And probably not ever again." 

"Yeah, well...you know you want to see how it's changed." 

"Well, yeah. Wanna come?" 

"Nah. It's just a big house. I'll stay down here. I'll just hide in the corner where nobody will bug me. You go on." 

"'Kay, then. Won't be long." 

* * * * * * 

Knute watched as Victor walked off, then he retreated to a corner where he thought people might leave him alone. But there was one person who noticed him. 

"Wow! It's been a long time since we've seen your face around here, sir! Knute Stratski, how are you?" 

The voice was familiar, but despite all of Knute's efforts, he couldn't place the face. But what was instantly clear was that this man was not like the other partygoers. He held a tray of cocktails in his hand, so he was obviously a servant. 

"Um....sorry....it's been a long time, so I don't remember..." 

"It's me, James. I used to work for your parents. I suppose you might not remember me. You spent a good portion of your life away at boarding school." 

"Ugh! Tell me about it. I'm sorry I don't remember you -- James, was it?" 

The man nodded. "It's not a problem, sir. I'm sort of used to being forgettable. After all, I'm only the help. Um... were you looking for your mother? She's over there by the punch bowl." 

Knute looked over and saw that James was right. For a moment he hesitated. He hadn't planned on ever running into his parents again, and here his mother was. He watched her carefully, and there was something wrong with the entire image. Knute couldn't put his finger on it at first. But when he did, it was clear. __

Where's dad? He and mom were always inseparable at these things. Weird they wouldn't be together, and weird mom isn't surrounded in friends like usual, too. She hates the quiet... 

"Well, I suppose I should get back to my work now. Please take care of yourself," James said. With little more, he dismissed himself. Knute wasn't paying much attention. He was still staring at his mother. 

"Well..." Knute breathed, "here goes..." 

The very fact she was not surrounded in friends was certainly strange. But despite the bad feeling it gave Knute, he still approached her. 

"Hello.... Mother..." he said politely. 

It was another few seconds before the woman turned to face him. Her icy eyes chilled him with their very glance. Yes, he knew she could be cold, but never quite like this. 

"Oh...you...." she spoke lowly, her tone remaining suspiciously unemotional. 

"Mom..." 

She turned away from him. "Don't call me that." 

Her words struck him, but he didn't know what to say at first. "Um... mother, it's Knute... your son..." 

"I am aware of who you are. Of who you were. I couldn't ever forget the way my son looked. Just as I will never forget the devastated look on your father's face when he realized you'd abandoned him. Because of you, I lost the most important thing in my life." 

The most important thing? Knute knew what that was, but how could he believe it? It would explain why his dad wasn't there at the party, but...it couldn't be true that he was dead.... It just... 

"Mom...where is dad? He's not..." 

"He is!" she hissed. "And you killed him.... So now I am alone.... And the last thing I need is you. You are not my son anymore. Leave me be..." 

How could it be? What was his mom talking about? This didn't make any sense... 

"Mom..." he said again, almost a whisper, but she didn't hear it.... Or didn't acknowledge it. Not hearing it he could take, but ignoring... 

"You'd best do as she says, sir," James said. Knute hadn't even seen the servant approach. But he was welcome if only to break a bit of the tension. 

"But..." 

"She doesn't want you around anymore, and you know she's a stubborn woman... Come on. I'll tell you what happened." 

Knute nodded while taking one more look at his mother's turned back. James led him to a quiet corner of the party. 

"Tell me...what happened?" Knute asked. 

"Not long after you left, your father died. It was a massive heart attack... he was dead before he even hit the floor. Your mom, though...she couldn't accept it. She's gone a little bit... off. I guess that's the nice way to put it. She pushed away everyone... even her closest friends. She became impossible to work for, which is the main reason I'm working for Kroner Helmholz now. She was always looking for someone to blame, so she chose you, convincing herself that your father died of heartbreak over losing you. Your father was her world, and when he died, so did she on the inside. Nobody can reach her. So... it's best to leave her to her misery." 

Knute heard the story, but didn't want to believe it. How could things have changed so much? It wasn't like he had expected a magical reunion or anything, but this was still so... wrong... 

"Are you okay, Mr. Stratski?" 

"Uh.... Yeah...I'll be...I'll be fine. Just let me stand here and be alone for awhile." 

"Alright. You're sure you don't need anything?" 

"Actually, there is something you can get me..." 

"Yes, sir?" 

"I'll have a.... Heck, just get me something hard from the bar. Surprise me." 

James nodded, then walked away. Knute was happy for the silence and time to reflect. 

* * * * * * 

The Helmholz mansion had changed very little. It was like Victor stepped back in time, to a day when he was much younger, much greener, and a lot more optimistic. Victor wandered the second floor in near silence, the only sounds coming from the far-off party. __

It's been a lot of years. I hardly remember how many.... It's almost like this isn't my house.... 

Nonsense. This is your home. You aren't a stranger here... 

Then why do I feel like one? 

This has never been the place I remember most fondly... I remember my dorm room... the one I shared with my best friend... my little brother... that's where any memories resembling fond in my mind rest.... 

This is just a big house. Just....a big house.... 

Why did I decide to come back here? What did I expect to find? Acceptance? Old friends? Perhaps, but I come here only to find that....everyone but myself and Knute I have become one of -- them. I should have expected that. They care about nothing but money. I suppose when it was the only pleasure in your childhood, it sticks. At least I had my best friend.... Knute's been by my side the whole time. Everyone else is just an old smile. Many of my memories haven't returned yet. Or maybe I just...didn't have many worthy of remembering ... 

Victor stopped when he reached the doorway of a familiar room. He hadn't been in his bedroom in many years, not since the final summer he had been home from the academy. 

He pushed the door open slowly and was a little shocked by what he saw. But not in any way surprised. 

His bedroom had been turned into an office, his things long gone to who knew where. His only place in the entire house was no longer his. __

Figures....this proves I was never anything but in the way for him. He doesn't even keep any tiny piece of this huge house that I can call my own.... I truly am a stranger here... 

"I didn't expect you'd ever return," came that commanding voice from behind him: his father. Though the anger over his bedroom disappearing rose inside of Victor, he could never release it. Not before this dignified figure who had such power over him. __

I hate him. Why can't I stick up for myself? Why do I always let him push me around? 

"Well, I did return...." Victor said because it was all he was able to. He glanced at his father and once again saw no emotion in his eyes. He had always been such a cold man... 

"I see that, yes. It appears as if you've been in the military." 

"Well....yes....that's true, but I'm certain you wouldn't know the country." 

"I don't recognize the uniform, but I'm sure you aren't lying to me." __

I never have been able to lie to your face, father. I've never been able to do anything but cower at your words. And in return I have been given nothing but this kick in the teeth. Can't you for once just tell me if I mean anything to you at all? 

"Listen, I've been thinking about earlier today," his father said. "And I don't think it's necessary for you to waste your time looking for a job in a factory that is well beneath people of our class. It so happens I do have a position open for you in the accounting department. Of course you aren't certified yet, but you could work up to that." 

Victor stared at his father. He would have been touched by the gesture if only it had been anything different than the grand plan his father had always had for him. Since Victor was a child, his father always had this fixed idea of his son becoming an accountant, then working his way up in the business to take over for him. And here he was with this 'great' offer which would just prove how right Victor's father was about him. 'Weak-willed'. Not a son but clay to be molded into whatever shape was desired. Was he going to allow himself to be bent yet again? 

No. Not this time. 

"Well....I don't think that would be in my best interests right now." 

His father cast a glance at him carefully, but Victor couldn't figure out his expression. "Are you certain, Victor?" he replied, his voice somehow...different. 

"I'm certain." 

"Well, if you ever change your mind, the offer will stand. I suppose I should return to the party now. You should, too. There's nothing up here of interest anymore. And I suspect you should get back downstairs. When your friend Mr. Stratski finds out about his father's death, then he's probably going to need you." 

Victor watched his father leave silently. Nothing of interest, indeed. His father had destroyed whatever familiarity Victor might have had in this large house. 

Victor's thoughts moved to his father's last statement, which was the one that concerned him most. __

Knute's father? Dead? But...I have to get back down there. 

* * * * * * 

Knute still watched the party, sipping his drink slowly. He wanted to get drunk, completely blasted, but something inside him stopped him from losing control. He just wanted to leave, never come back to this stupid world. Hell, he didn't even want to be in Nortune anymore. Dammit! Why had he even come back here in the first place? There was nothing but pain here! 

Like a light through his darkness, he caught sight of her sunny ringlets bouncing in the distance. At first her face was merely familiar, but when he finally had a chance to get a better look at her, a flash of memory overcame him. He remembered her name, her soft skin, her gentle kisses... and the look on her face that last night he had laid eyes on her. 

* * * 

"We're going to run away. All three of us - Victor, Porland and I." 

"Run....away?" Lolessa spoke, shocked. 

"Get away from all this. Find out who we are! It will be great.... out on the open road. seeing the world..." 

"Really...?" 

Knute nodded. "I want you to come with us." 

"Me?" 

"Lolessa, I love you and I want to be by your side forever. You've always talked about getting out, too. Now's your chance! Come with us!" 

"Well....I don't know..." she said. "It's so sudden." 

"We aren't going until tomorrow night. That gives you a day to think about it." 

She walked a few feet away from him. "I don't think I can do it. There's... well... I have school and my friends, and.... but.... oh, Knute, I just don't want to lose you!" 

"I'll come back for you. Once I discover who I am, I'll come back for you. Don't forget that." 

* * * 

That had been his promise, but one he had not been able to keep... until now. Why had Victor not told him about his first and only love? 

No matter. Now she was here before him, her golden curls bouncing as she ran up to him. "Ohhhh, Knute...it's been so long..." She spoke, her voice a sweet song. After looking him over a couple seconds, she took him in an embrace. He didn't know what to say. What could he? This was like he had never left. 

"Lolessa...it's been....forever..." he whispered in her ear. He had missed this so much without even knowing it. 

"Oh, Knutie, Knutie, Knutie...has it been five years already?" 

"Yeah...five long years..." 

"A lot's happened since then," she said. 

"Oh, that's for sure...but for now...just keep holding me, alright?" 

Lolessa squeezed him tighter, and all the coldness and sadness in his heart melted. This endless moment filled him with a deep sense of security and love. What did it matter that he had been disowned by his own mother? Lolessa, the woman of his dreams, was here. 

"Hey YOU!" said a weasely man Knute hadn't even seen until he opened his mouth. He opened his eyes to see a familiar face. Neddy "Nedward" Schlumberger had been a year younger than Knute when they both attended the Academy. Neddy had been the butt of many jokes, not just from Knute and Victor, but all the boys. He was a spindly boy, as spindly as he was now, as a man. His voice had an adenoidal quality and his disposition had always left something to be desired. He had been the most spoiled boy at the academy because of his coddling mother, and he knew it. He loved to rub it in the faces of the other boys. Even with so many missing pieces in his memories, Knute could never forget Neddy. Permanently, anyway. Not that he didn't want to or anything... 

"Hey, HEY! Neddy! You're here, too?" 

The short man approached them. "Of course I am, self absorbed preppy-boy! And get your mitts off my wife!" 

The words struck Knute like a kick in the teeth. _My wife..._ Neddy hadn't really said that, had he? 

"Oh, Neddy-poo, don't be so silly. Knutie is an old friend of mine," Lolessa said casually. 

"Old friend?!" Knute exclaimed. "Lolessa, this isn't true! You're not really married to.... HIM.... are you?!" 

"Well, yes. Of course. He's my snuggie-poo." Lolessa put her arm around Neddy and pulled him closer. 

"Lolessa... weren't we going to get married? You have that ring I gave you and everything!" 

"Oh, yeah. That. I sold it." 

"You...sold..." Knute felt chills fill him. "But...I...you...we...I wasn't... I love you, Lolessa. We were going to get married when I got back." 

"Oh. You took too long. I mean, I thought you'd be back in a day or two, but six whole long days went by and I just couldn't wait anymore. So when Neddy comforted me, we fell in love and, well...*tee hee*!!" 

"Yeah," Neddy interrupted. "I mean, what kind of jerk would abandon his fiancée like that?" 

"You stay out of this, you little weasel!" Knute said, lunging for him. 

"NO!" Lolessa intervened. "Knutie, don't! Don't hit him! It's not going to change my mind! Neddy is my snookums. We had a great thing once, but it's over. I don't love you anymore. But if you want, we can still be friends." __

FRIENDS FRIENDS FRIENDS.... Her words echoed in Knute's mind mockingly. He felt his heart fill with anger, betrayal and utter sadness. Before he could control himself, he exploded. 

"NEVER MIND! I don't want to be your fiance, friend or anything else! I don't want to have anything to do with you ever again! Just leave me the hell alone! I hate you! I hate you and this entire damn city! goddammit, I hate myself!" He was shaking all over as he said it, even though he didn't truly know why he was saying what he did. In reality, he just wanted to wish Lolessa away to some place safe and quiet where they both could live together in peace and happiness, far from Nortune, Solaris and the whole damn war. But...she didn't love him anymore. This was truly over. The girl who he had subconsciously wanted for all those years in Solaris...was gone. And he really didn't have anyone to blame but himself for going away in the first place. If only he had never left. 

He felt a familiar hand on his shoulder, and Victor's voice speaking in a comforting tone. "Hey, Knute...let's get out of here, okay? Lolessa isn't important." 

Knute took one last glance at Lolessa, who seemed unfazed by anything he had said. She tipped her head and spoke to Neddy in a bubbly tone, "Gee...do you think I hurt his feelings?" 

Knute merely shook his head in disgust and walked away, Victor following him closely. 

"What happened?" Victor asked. 

"She's married..." Knute said lowly. 

"Married?" 

"She married...HIM!" 

Victor stifled a laugh. "That nerd? You're kidding, right?" 

"Hey, don't laugh!" 

"Oh -- I'm sorry... I'm not laughing at you...It's just....oh, man... Isn't THAT typical..." 

Knute ignored Victor's laughter and stared at his feet again. Victor stopped laughing and asked, "Are you okay, Knute?" 

"Yeah, well...I'll be fine, I guess...." he spoke, his tone very unsure. 

"I never liked her, anyway," Victor added. 

"I know......" Knute looked up at Victor, who looked awkward. "Why did you keep her a secret from me? That was the secret, right?" 

"Yes. And as for why......she's a dink. I mean, I've seen rodents with bigger IQs than her. Knute, you're a smart guy, and you deserve better than her. Believe me... And I've been proven right. She's broken your heart, as I always suspected she would. The way I look at it, she's not worth it if she'd marry a jerk like him." 

"I guess, but....I loved her...." 

"I just thought it would be less painful for you if you never remembered her at all. But I knew I couldn't hide it from you forever. I knew she'd be here. She's always at these big parties. And I knew she never would have waited for you. I know her type." 

Knute didn't respond. He only kept glancing at his feet. 

"You want to ditch this party?" Victor asked. 

Knute nodded. 

"Yeah, me too. This just isn't my scene. Let's get out of here." 

Soon the pair were far out of A block, and on their way back to the residential district. Knute was still silent, lost in his own thoughts. __

Lolessa....how could she do this to me? I loved her so much... and dad...you were so charismatic and strong....I looked up to you. I just... didn't want your life. Maybe you died... because you were sad I went away? 

Nonsense. You packed me up and sent me to school because you were too busy to deal with me on a daily basis. If you cared about my presence, you wouldn't have sent me away. Maybe you were always ashamed of me? Well....I'm going to prove you wrong. I'm going to make something of my life. I'll show you all that you pushed away someone great. As long as Vic's by my side, I can do anything I want. 

"My father and I had a talk..." Victor spoke suddenly. 

"Huh? What about?" 

"He asked me to come work for him. He has a position for me in the accounting department. I'd have to work up to being certified, though." 

"Accounting? How dull." 

"Yeah, I know." 

"Wasn't that your dad's grand plan for you all along?" 

"Yeah. That's how he got started. He always thought it would be a viable career for me, to teach me the way the business works...." 

"Well, you're not going to take it, are you?" 

"No. I don't think so. If tonight taught me one thing, it's that I was right for leaving that life. I don't fit in to that crowd. Besides, an accountant? How dull..." 

"Good. That's a relief." 

Victor nodded. 

"So...what are we going to do, then?" Knute asked. 

Victor shook his head. "I don't know. Just plug along. There's bound to be something out there we can do. We've only been out there a day. Just because one area has no work, doesn't mean there aren't other areas that do." 

* * * * * * 

When they got back to their room at the inn Renk was asleep, and Vance was still working on something under the desk lamp. 

"Hey, Vance..." Victor greeted. 

"Hi...." he said in an aggravated tone, not looking up. 

"That was a waste of an evening," Victor spoke. 

"Ssssh! I'm on to something here!" Vance snapped. 

"Ooooh...touchy...." Victor responded, walking over and glancing over Vance's shoulder. "What is it?" 

"Give me a second....just back off!" 

Victor raised his hands and did so. Vance had been so on-edge lately. He decided to leave him alone. 

Knute sighed and sat down, pulling off his jacket. Victor sat beside him. 

"You sure you're alright?" 

Knute nodded. "Yeah. Just leave me alone for a bit, okay?" 

Victor nodded and rose again to get ready for sleep. Knute also rose and went into the bathroom. He shut the door quickly, and Victor knew why. Knute had too much pride to cry in front of anyone, not even him, his best friend. 

"Okay, I'm done. Wanna see?" Vance announced. 

Victor nodded and went over. 

Sitting on the desk was a wild assortment of parts. Victor noticed his GPS had become a part of it. 

"Um...did you ask me if you could use that?" 

"You weren't here to ask," Vance replied. 

Victor shrugged. "Oh, well. It didn't work, anyway." 

"Exactly. That's the point. Actually, the GPS itself wasn't broken. The command centre it gets its signals from got busted, or rather, destroyed when Etrenank blew up. So I decided to take the components and utilize them to adapt your current GPS into a device which taps into electromagnetic fields in the earth, hence this big magnet I pulled out of Clawknight. It will guide the..." 

"Vance...VANCE!" Vic interrupted. "Can you speak a plain language? Lamb or Solarian, I don't care, but not what you're speaking." 

"I am speaking Solarian if you'd just listen." 

"No, you're speaking techie! Make it simple. I'm a technical idiot." 

Vance sighed. "It's a GPS. It just works now. Simple enough for you? I made it so we don't need the control center that used to be in Etrenank." 

"And it works?" 

"It should. I built it." 

"Yeah, well, we should test it out, anyway." 

Vance looked deflated. "Whatever," he said coldly, then went back to it. He punched some numbers into the GPS' control pad. 

"I told it to look for Dazil. It's thinking about it..." 

The machine beeped, and Vance looked at it. "It says it's at co-ordinates 20 north and 151 east. We're at 39 north and 122 east. It's not to the exact degree, but close enough." 

"Wow, I remember that -- that's right! Hey, kid, you're pretty good at this stuff." 

Vance beamed proudly. "Of course. I'm a ace." 

"I'll believe you from now on." 

"You'd better." 

"But I do have one humble question..." 

"What?" 

"Why do we need a GPS now that we're here in Nortune?" 

Vance looked at his invention, then back up at Victor. "I don't know. I just wanted to do it. Maybe it will help someone else someday." 

Victor saw a strange change in his friend's expression. Vance thinking of someone other than himself? Impossible, was he hearing things right? 

"Helping others...didn't know you had it in you." 

Vance looked insulted. "Yeah, well, that proves what you know! Forget it. Just leave me alone. I need to do some finishing touches. Tomorrow I'm going to work on a communicator so we can monitor transmissions from the control ship. You'll like that invention." 

Victor knew he had made a mistake. "I didn't mean I hated it. I just don't think we're going to have a use for it. I didn't mean to get your back up, kid." 

"Yeah, whatever. Just let me work....okay?" 

"Okay.....um....good night, Vance." 

"Huh! Good night....say is Knute coming out of there? I've gotta go." 

How could Victor respond to that without giving Knute away? 

"I think he's taking a shower. You know how he is about cleanliness, and this place is so steamy..." 

"He'd better hurry up and do it then, because I'm gonna pee myself if he doesn't finish in five minutes!" 

Victor went over to the door and knocked. "Hear that, bud? You've got five minutes, or Vance is gonna pee himself!" 

"I'll be out in a minute! Dammit, just leave me alone, already!" Knute called. 

Victor thought, _Well, it's time for Victor to escape Crabbyville and go to bed. He's gonna wake up in the morning and hope everyone's much happier and less willing to bite his head off. _

"You two work it out. I'm getting some sleep." 

* * * * * * 

The next three days proved just as hopeless as the first one had been. Knute's mood was still basically mopey, though Victor could tell he was trying to keep his humor up. The constant rejection was really beginning to bother his friend - Victor could tell by the way Knute's nomally proud, deliberate strides were more like a hesitant shuffling of his feet. 

"Say, Knute...maybe we should stop by a bar and have a drink before we go back?" Victor had to admit he could use one, too. 

"Yeah, okay," Knute responded halfheartedly, but then perked up. "But we've gotta keep an eye on you, welterweight. You know how quickly alcohol floors you, and you're too heavy to drag back to the inn." 

Victor found it hard not to laugh. "Yeah, yeah, I know. Don't remind me. I'll be careful. Let's just go," Victor said, entering the closest one, Knute trailing behind him. 

"What can I do ya fer, gentlemen?" the barkeep asked. 

"I'll have a beer," Knute said simply. 

Victor nodded. "Yeah, me too." 

Within seconds, the two had their beer. 

"Aaaah...This is going to hit the spot, I tell ya..." Knute said. 

"Hey, Knute..." Victor said with less wistfulness than he had all day. "Let's toast. I mean, my dad's a jerk, you've been dumped and disowned, and we can't find a job. So... we'll toast to looking ahead, and not letting all this crap ruin us." 

"Hey, now you're talking! Toast to our buddydom forever, my bro." 

A grizzled old man who was sitting next to Knute looked up at the two men, puzzled for a moment. 

"You...It's you..." he spoke, loud enough to make Victor and Knute put down their drinks and stop toasting. 

"What are you talking about, old man?" Knute asked. 

"You're Knute Stratski...and you're Victor Helmholz." 

"Eeeeeyeah..." Knute said. 

"The Hopes..." the old man whispered. 

Victor tried not to gasp when the man said it, but it was apparent that title meant nothing to Knute. 

"I don't know what you're talking about, old..." 

"No, Knute...hold on," Victor said. "You just don't remember him yet. Manarin...it is you, isn't it?" 

Manarin Oliveret... Victor remembered when that name had meant power... strength... a great dream he shared with others. Single-handedly, Oliveret had organized a rebellion, gathered men from all over Kislev... all with the dream of overthrowing Kaiser Sigmund and his monarchist government in favor of a new democracy, free of war and strife. 

However, what Manarin had in power, strength and respect, he lacked in youth and charisma. For that, he enlisted the help of his two proteges - two rich boys who had left their aristocratic life behind to fight for a greater good in Kislev. 

Victor and Knute were the leaders of the resistance movement...or at least in face. The fact Oliveret was more of a fighter and wasn't really interested in leading a nation made him pass on the honor to the young boys. It was waiting for them when they finally won. 

* * * 

"Yeah! Yahoo!" Victor called out as the gear he was fighting fell backwards with a crash. Ah, the feeling of being in a gear was like nothing else. 

The first time he had stepped inside one of the huge mechas, it was like he had found a lost friend. The members of the Resistance Army were amazed at how quickly Victor had learned the basics. Knute's abilities were on-par, though. This was what made Manarin pay attention to two boys from Nortune's A Block. As their skills with the gears continued to rapidly grow, so did the respect they received from the Kislev Liberation Army. Manarin dubbed them the "Hopes" and promised them a place in the new order. 

But they had really just been kids back then....so many mistakes...now hidden with Victor's silence. 

"You bastard...that was a cheap move..." said Knute's voice through Victor's communicator, sounding very perturbed. But Victor remembered what had happened the previous day. 

"Oh, and like your cheap shot yesterday was COMPLETELY fair..." Victor responded. 

"That was different," Knute said as his gear tried unsuccessfully to rise to its feet. "My cheap move was at least somewhat honorable. Yours was just cheap." 

Victor rolled his eyes. "Whaaaaatever." He held out his gear's hand to Knute's and helped pull it up. 

"I'm hungry," Knute stated. 

"Well, Manarin said Della prepared a mini feast for us so we'd have luck tomorrow when we storm Kislev." 

"Then let's go get some grub, man," Knute said, opening his cockpit and descending his ladder. 

Two other men came up to the pair as they turned to leave. Brilland, the taller of the two older men, was the commander of the Resistance's Gear Battalion. "Hey, Knute, Victor...if you want any of our gears to be left for the battle tomorrow, you'll ease up on us, 'kay?" 

"Brilland, it not our fault that you suck," Knute replied. 

Brilland hit him lightly on the arm. "Yeah, I know I suck at gear combat compared to YOU two, we all do, but that doesn't mean squat when Lockner's shouting in my ear about needing special parts or spending all night fixing the gear I just wrecked because you guys chewed it up." 

Lockner replied, "I spend more time fixing them then you all do battling in 'em. You think I LIKE slaving in a hot workshop because some stupid gear pilot doesn't know how to freakin' duck? This one's gonna be a week-long job, and the war'll be all over by then. Thanks a lot, Brilland. You're all gonna have to be a lot better than THAT tomorrow to get anywhere. Which is why we should let the REAL gear pilots go off and get something to eat. YOU!" Lockner said, pointing at Brilland. "Bring me my tools!" 

Brilland sighed. "See you two tomorrow, fellows. Big day, right?" 

Storming Kislev...it had been the day before, hadn't it? The excitement in the base was obvious as people, both tense but hopeful, wandered the halls of the large house that had turned into the Army's stronghold. Everyone waved to the two as they walked towards the small dining hall. Most of these people had become Victor's friends. What had happened? Had he inadvertently betrayed them all? Were none of them left in Nortune? 

The cook's merry smile filled Victor with warmth, just as much as her hearty homemade soup. Della was like the mother Victor never had. 

"You boys off playing with those gears again?" she asked. 

"I whipped him," Victor spoke with a smile. 

"Hey! You were being cheap!" Knute retorted. 

Della laughed. "I swear, those things are like an extension of your limbs. Most men twice your age who have spent years in gears aren't so good." 

"I guess we both have a knack," Victor said. 

"You sure do. Which is why you two are the Hopes. You're going to lead us into battle and help rebuild Kislev into a strong, democratic nation. Now you both eat up. Want you two to stay strong for tomorrow." 

It was the night before the first strike against Kaiser Sigmund and his monarchy. Of course Victor remembered it now. He remembered this place fondly - the base for the Kislev Liberation Army - The Resistance to most. 

"Hey, if you're doing the cooking, then that's not a problem at all," Knute said in a flirting tone. "Not like it matters. Your smiling face is all the food I need." 

Della began blushing and walked back towards the kitchen singing. 

"You're sickening," Victor said. 

"You'd make more women blush if you bothered to play the game." 

"Hey, aren't you in love with Lolessa?" 

Knute scoffed. "Hell, yeah! But who says a little flirting is harmful?" 

Victor put his face in his hand and shook it. "You're impossible." 

"Mmmpg...nuffing m'possible 'bout me," Knute said with a full mouth of food. "You jus' don' understand me. munch" 

"I understand you too well. That's the problem." 

Knute feigned a hurt expression. "Come on. You know I'd never cheat on Lolessa. Why would I? She's the most gorgeous thing around." 

Victor tried to keep his face even and hide his contempt for Knute's fiancée. "Yeah, if you say so." 

"Hey, I know she's not your type," Knute said, then took a long sip of soup right from the bowl. When he swallowed, he continued. "I wouldn't cheat on her, just like she'd never cheat on me. We're completely devoted to each other, man." 

"Yep...guess so." 

Victor tried to hide his doubts about that through a mouthful of food. 

Manarin approached the table and leaned on it with most of his weight. 

"Hey, Manarin," Victor replied after he finished chewing. 

Manarin nodded, but then gave Knute a wicked glare. "Hey, Knute..." he said, sitting down in a chair and moving as close to Knute as possible. He put a large arm on Knute's shoulder. "Knute, my boy... I hear you're flirting with my wife again." 

Knute didn't look at him. He only nodded, chewing on his food, but looking nervous. 

Manarin continued. "Heh heh! If you weren't going to be one of the future leaders of Nortune, I'd be kicking your ass right now." 

Knute looked ready to spit out his food on the table. Manarin stood quickly and hit Knute affectionately on the back. "Heheheh! Easy, boy. You know I'm kiddin', right? Like Della would even LOOK at a runt like you when she can have good ol' perfect me!" 

Knute swallowed his food quickly, but grimaced as if he hadn't chewed it enough. "Perfect my ass," he responded. 

Manarin just laughed. "Well, you two keep eating. You're gonna need to look your best when you're going before the city as their new leaders, right?" 

"Hell, yeah. Won't my dad be surprised!" Knute said. "Surprised to see I made something of my 'worthless hide', eh, Vic?" 

"Well, we shouldn't celebrate yet. We've got the drive, but this fight might go on a lot longer then we think it might," Victor said. "Hate to put a damper on things, but we do have to be a bit realistic." 

"Pessimistic is more like it," Knute said. "Ignore him. He always sees the bad side of things." 

Manarin nodded. "But I'm afraid he's right. War isn't easy, boy. And it is possible that we might be fighting longer than we think. But what matters is that we will win, right?" 

The two nodded and finished off the last couple bites of their meals. 

"Don't you two worry about a thing," Manarin said. "My guys have got it under control. I've just got out of a meeting with Hamel and he's got our strategy down. Tell ya, it's a damn good plan, too. But like I said, don't worry about it. I'll brief everyone in the morning. Now don't you kids stay up too late now." 

"We won't, Manarin," Victor spoke. "I'm sort of tired, anyway." 

Manarin lightly patted both of them on the back. "Then good night, boys! Kislev's destiny awaits!" 

Full and tired, Victor and Knute walked back to their bedroom in the safe house just outside the destroyed town of Asimila, to the north-east of Nortune. 

"I am so ready for bed," Victor said, then yawned. "Big day tomorrow. You excited?" 

Knute nodded. "Yep. Who knows what will be different this time tomorrow." 

"Uh huh." 

"I'm ready for some shut eye, too, but there's just one more thing I've gotta do first." 

"What?" Victor wondered. 

Knute didn't respond at first. He went inside and took his boots off wordlessly instead. 

"What do you have to do?" Victor asked again. 

"Just something. Don't worry about it." 

Victor's curiosity had been piqued. "What?!" 

"Leave me alone, Vic." 

Victor noticed something in Knute's hands and grabbed for it. Knute tried to keep it but Victor was faster. He looked at it and saw it was a letter. It was addressed to Lolessa, in Nortune. Victor decided not to read the letter inside. He didn't want to destroy such a fine meal. 

"Knute, you know you can't mail this." 

"Aw, come on, Vic. I just want her to know I'm okay and that I'm coming home soon." 

"No! You know we can't mail anything to Nortune from the base. Knute, you know that." 

"Aw, come on! They aren't going to notice one little letter." 

"And if they do? Knute, we can't take that chance." 

Knute's expression was truly pitiful, but Victor had learned how to ignore it long ago. 

"Knute, I'm sorry. I know what Lolessa means to you, and I know she deserves to know you're okay. But what will it matter if it's going to be all over tomorrow?" 

"Don't be stupid, Vic! You said yourself this might not be over tomorrow. And then what? Huh? Lolessa goes on wondering if I'm alive or dead? How long should I expect her to wait and wonder? And what if I don't make it, huh? I want her to at least know I died doing something worthwhile!" 

Victor was appalled. "You tell her what we're doing here?! Are you stupid?!" 

Knute grabbed for the letter, but Victor's considerably taller frame kept it well out of his reach. 

"Vic, don't make me hit you, man...." Knute said with venom. Victor quickly backed away, completely believing his friend's threats. He'd never seen Knute so furious before. Especially not at him. But he wouldn't give Knute back the letter. That would be sacrificing the cause he had been fighting for and believing in for months. And he could hardly believe Knute would be willing to risk it all so easily for a girl who didn't deserve him, anyway. 

"You've always hated Lolessa! You're doing this to hurt her!" 

"No!" Victor said. "I'm doing this for the Resistance! For Kislev! I can't let anyone, not even you, compromise our cause!" Victor ripped the letter into pieces quickly, then threw them back at Knute. 

For a moment the room was silent, but the tension in the air was heavy. Knute's expression turned from anger to hatred, his brown eyes flashing. "You fucking BASTARD!" he retorted and swung at Victor before he could even comprehend what had happened. Victor fell to the ground, clutching his jaw. He should have expected Knute to react like this. Lolessa was one topic he could get quite rabid about. But regardless, Victor stood his ground. 

"You know I'm right, Knute," he said, not even trying to get up. It seemed Knute had backed off and was staring at his feet, not daring to look at him. 

"Don't talk to me," Knute said quietly, his tone still hateful and very serious. "Don't ever talk to me again..." With that, Knute left the room quickly. 

Victor thought for a moment that Knute might try to re-write the letter and send it, but he knew Knute's pain was partly due to the fact he had realized he couldn't. Love could be such a difficult thing, especially being apart. He knew how much it had hurt Knute to leave Lolessa in the first place. But still... the serious, hateful tone... 

Victor felt his throbbing chin, but it didn't hurt as much as the pain in his heart. Victor wondered whether Knute would ever talk to him again. If he knew Knute, he'd probably never forgive him if something happened and Lolessa went on never knowing... 

To win Kislev only to lose his best friend in the world would be pointless. All the years they'd been together, all the fun times they'd had...no, they couldn't be over in an instant. 

Victor slowly stood and looked at the torn up letter, scattered over the floor. He closed his eyes, fighting the temptation for awhile, but then he scooped them up. Victor couldn't let it end like this. Not with he and Knute never speaking ever again. 

He didn't read the letter, even when he had pieced it together. That was a private thing. He only taped it together on the back with the crude, thick tape they made in Nortune, then addressed another envelope to Lolessa Guin in Nortune. 

As he called the pigeon and tied the letter to its leg, he felt a strange numbness. He crossed his fingers as he sent it on its way, and prayed quickly for the safety of the Resistance. His only comfort was in remembering Knute's words, "I just want to tell her I'll be home soon. And if I don't make it, I want her to at least know I died doing something worthwhile." 

Doing something worthwhile... Victor had never done anything more worthwhile in his life then fighting with the Resistance. Whether his life was to go on, or end the next day, he wanted to be by Knute's side. His best friend, his soul brother...forever. 

The light outside the window of his room glowed brightly, almost blinding him. And then.... 

The next thing he remembered was being spoken to in a strange tongue. But worst of all... __

Who am I? Who...? Why can't I remember my name? 

The young man who was standing next to him had long, white hair and was familiar... but he'd be darned if he could remember his name, either. 

The other two men in the room were the ones yattering on in the gibberish, making Victor nervous. 

"What's going on? Who are you?" 

"It's pointless. They won't talk to you," the man with the white hair said. 

"You...you understand me?" 

He nodded. "Yeah. But I don't have a damn clue what's going on, either." 

Victor fought for a piece of memory, but the only thing he was sure of was that he had seen the white-haired man before. 

"Do I - know you?" Victor asked. 

"Hell, I'm not even sure if I know myself right about now," the white haired man responded. 

"Gentlemen..." one of the gibberish-speaking men said finally in some way Victor could understand. "So good to see you've both made an almost full recovery after your accident. You may not remember who you are, and it's only natural, given the circumstances. So I shall tell you. It's much easier to cope with the memory loss when you know about yourself." He walked over to the white-haired man. "You are Knute Stratski... you are an orphan, single and are from Sector 115 Worker Bee camp. You are a gear pilot in Gebler. Your rank is private, yet you have much talent. You will be working alongside Corporal Jensen of patrol force platoon F." 

"Knute...Stratski..." the man said, trying out his name. __

Knute Stratski...that name sounds familiar...but why? 

"And you..." he said, pointing right at him. "You are Victor Helmholz. You are also an orphan, single, and live in Sector 110 Worker Bee camp. You are also a gear pilot in Gebler. You are very talented in gear combat, as well. You will be under the command of Corporal Schazen of patrol force platoon B. Your hard work has not gone unnoticed, gentlemen, yet it would not be proper for us to promote you at this juncture, given your current condition. Is that clear, gentlemen?" 

Victor Helmholz... Somehow it seemed right, but... the name was all he had. 

"You will both be required to re-establish yourselves in the Solarian tongue in order to perform your duties. We will provide you will classes which you will be required to pass, unless you wish to be demoted. Is that clear, gentlemen?" 

Victor nodded, for he felt he had little say in the matter. 

"Very well, then. That will be all, gentlemen. Allow the guards to show you to your rooms. Remember...work hard, get promoted!" 

The guard led Victor away with a simply wave of his hand. The man in plain brown armour was completely silent the entire way out of the complex, not even daring to look at Victor during their journey. He didn't mind at first - he was too busy seeing Solaris for the first time, and somehow being amazed by all the strange things he was certain he'd never seen before. But as they entered the Worker Bee camp, with its high wall of faceless, characterless abodes, he decided to ask the guard something that had been on his mind the entire time. 

"Hey...so what happened to me? What kind of accident was it?" Victor asked the guard as he was led into the camp. 

The guard shrugged. "I don't know. We aren't really told about what happens on these levels much." 

"And Sector 110?" 

"No. Not there, even though I live there," the guard said. 

"Then you must know more about me than what they told me." 

"No. I don't know you." 

"No? But I live here, don't I?" 

"You might. Maybe you didn't before. In-out...in-out...people come in and out of this place so fast. Getting promoted, getting demoted. Maybe you lived somewhere else before the accident. Or maybe you did live here. I don't know everyone." 

Victor shrugged. He wasn't satisfied with the answer, but he chose to accept it. 

"This is your home." 

Victor stepped into the tiny room and didn't recognize a thing. It looked lived-in, but it didn't feel as if he had lived in it. 

"I'm certain it will all come back to you in time. And if it doesn't, don't worry about it too much. Life is so fulfilling here! There's no point in mulling over the past," the guard said. 

"Yeah, uh...I guess." 

"Well, I'll leave you now. Tomorrow another guard will show you where to take your classes and where to go for work. You're lucky! I dream for a job in Gebler! Work hard, get promoted!" The guard bowed lightly and left. 

Victor looked around. No, there was certainly something wrong about this. But... who was he to say or judge? Everything had been so carefully worded as to not arouse suspicion. The Solarians just said he had amnesia... it was the best way to assimilate the kidnapped Lambs. Both brilliant and horrible. 

Victor quickly adapted to life in Solaris, deciding it easier to accept his position then worry about if there was more to it than an accident. He caught on to the Solarian language quickly, as did his classmate, Knute. As good as they were at catching on, their teacher was not sad to see them go. The time he spent fooling around in class with Knute was the most familiar thing about this place, and once again, they became fast friends. 

From the moment Victor stepped into a Gebler gear, it was as if he had done it his entire life. Even though in retrospect, he and Knute had only begun learning how to pilot gears when they joined the Resistance, he felt as comfortable in a gear as he did when he chummed around with Knute. His skills improved quickly, and he became so good at piloting that he was promoted to the elite Special Forces and given an identical gear to that of his new commander, Renk Elcide. 

Not much after Victor's promotion, Knute was also promoted to the Special Forces. Now both out of the Worker Bee camps, the two moved into apartments across from each other in Etrenank, and Victor completely forgot about the strange circumstances that had brought him to this city in the clouds. 

* * * 

Victor set his eyes upon Manarin again, who was so sick, thin and pale - a shadow of his former rugged, strongly-built self. 

"You two..." he grumbled. His breath reeked of alcohol, and his eyes were glassy and bloodshot. "You... Helmholz and Stratski....how dare you come back here? It's all your fault, you immature fools..." 

"W-what?" Victor asked, shocked. He hadn't imagined seeing Manarin again would be like this, that the old man would react such. What had happened while they were gone? 

"Because of you, I lost everything. We lost everything. We looked for you two for days, but poof it was like you vanished! Without the Hopes, we lost our will to fight. We...lost hope. Kaiser Sigmund found us and brought his army to slaughter us. I'm one of the only ones left. Even Della died at their hands...I have nothing left. And it's all your fault." 

Victor was stricken by their words. All his friends from the Resistance killed... how could things have changed so much just by he and Knute not being there? 

"GET OUT OF MY SIGHT!" Manarin screeched suddenly and rose from his stool. "Ya both deserve to be dead for what you did! Murderers!" 

Knute looked completely bewildered, but Victor chose to back away. "I'm not thirsty anymore. I think we'd both better go." 

"Yeah, go! Go, you fools! What were you thinking mailing a letter from the base to Nortune, eh?! What were ya, stupid!? Well, they found us, thanks to you and this goddamn letter!" 

Victor saw Manarin pull out a tattered piece of paper, taped together crudely. No...it couldn't be...? 

"I keep this damn letter with me to remind me how goddamn stupid I was trusting a bunch of lovesick kids to something important! Damn bastards shoved it in my face as the base burned around me..." Manarin walked up to Knute and pushed him. "What were you thinking?! Goddammit, what were you thinking!? Stupid lovesick fool!" 

"We really are going now," Victor said quickly. He threw the money for the drinks on the bar, took Knute's sleeve and quickly departed. 

Numbness filled Victor's entire body. He remembered the Resistance... They had all been his friends. He even hoped to run into some of them down here on the surface. Maybe that had been why his mind had desired to return to Nortune... but because he had actually decided to mail that letter.... 

But of course. By that time, Lolessa would have been seeing Neddy. Her father was a general in Kaiser Sigmund's army. Why _wouldn't_ she betray them? Even if she didn't, the chances of it getting intercepted were greater than average, given her father's position. Oh, why did he mail that letter? Della, Lockner, Brilland... all his friends... gone because of that letter... 

"What's going on, Vic? What was that guy talking about?" Knute asked. 

Victor sighed. "The Kislev Liberation Army. You don't remember it, do you?" 

Knute was silent as if he were attempting to gather his memories. "The name seems familiar. Is that from that chunk of time I can't remember?" 

Victor nodded. "Yeah. But...I suppose with all you've been through this week already, maybe it's good you don't remember it just yet." 

"I suppose it will come back. After all, Lolessa did. Much as I wish it hadn't." 

"Mmmm..." Victor nodded. He shook his head sadly. "Let's just go back to the inn." 

Knute nodded in agreement. "Say...do you think we made a mistake coming back here?" 

"You wanted your memories back, didn't you?" 

"Not if they're only going to depress me." 

Victor sighed. "Well, we're here now. There isn't much else we can do about it now, right?" __

Knute...if you didn't want your memories back, I'd pack up and head back to Dazil right now. Finn is so lucky he's surrounded in people who love him. What I wouldn't do for a family like his. 

The pair arrived back at the inn and were surprised to see Renk standing outside, looking up at the sky. 

"Lot of stars tonight," he replied, his voice hollow. 

Victor also looked up. "Yeah. Amazing over the city." 

Renk nodded. 

"How are you feeling, Renk?" Knute asked. 

The Captain nodded. "Okay, I guess. But..." 

"But?" Victor asked when Renk paused. 

"Nothing. Nothing you two would understand. Just...kind of a feeling I'm getting. That something bad is coming, right? Ah, it's stupid. I just can't seem to put my guard down for a minute." 

Knute put his hand on Renk's shoulder. "Hey, it's no problem. But... don't worry. Solaris won't find us here." 

"I know. That makes logical sense, Stratski, but... Nah, forget it. Just a stupid feeling. I'm assuming you two didn't have any luck?" 

"Nah..." Victor spoke, his voice distant. He was still thinking about the letter as the guilt threatened to clamp down on his throat. 

"You okay, Helm?" Renk asked. 

"Yeah, I'm alright, too. I'll be alright." 

"Well, okay. I'm going to bed. I'm still really tired," Renk said. 

"You sleep well, Renk," Victor replied._ I know I won't... _

"Say, Vic..." Knute said just as he moved to follow Renk inside. "What was he talking about with that letter? What did I do? What happened?" 

Victor looked at his friend, and didn't know how to say it. "It's nothing you did. I'm the one who did it. And... well... we'll both deal with that when the time comes that you remember it. I don't think I should tell you until you remember it. You might see it differently than I did." 

Knute put his hand on Victor's chest to prevent him from going inside. "Look, I'm tired of you keeping stuff from me. Just tell me, okay? If you think I'm gonna get all mad at you or something, then why don't you just have the balls to deal with it now instead of later? I hate being in the damn dark!" 

Victor pushed by him, not daring to make eye contact. How could he tell him what had happened? How close they had come to never speaking again? How could he allow even one small piece of the blame he now felt to be shared by his best friend? 

"I don't want to fight with you anymore, Knute. Really. Please, just forget it." 

"We're fighting now, aren't we?! Goddammit, Vic! Just tell me the truth! Stop hiding stuff from me! What did you do? What did_ I_ do? I need to know....come on..." 

Victor sighed again. Knute sure was stubborn, and, sure enough, would always end up getting his own way. __

Just like he did with the letter... 

No, don't think about the stupid letter. Just tell Knute what happened... 

"Okay. I'll tell you what happened....but please don't be mad with me, Knute." 

Victor told the entire story to his friend, who still looked bewildered through most of the story. Maybe he never would have remembered it on his own. Whatever Solaris had done, it worked much better and had been much harsher on Knute's brain than his own, for sure. But now that Knute knew the truth about the Resistance and what had happened that night, he felt a bit of tension off his soul. 

"What the hell was so horrible about that?" Knute asked. "So I was being an asshole, and you told me so." 

"Yeah, but..." 

"Hey, man...don't worry about it. It obviously didn't scar me so badly that Solaris couldn't erase it. Hell, I don't know if I'll EVER get all my memories back. Which is probably a good thing, because Nortune sucks, and so do the memories from this place.. God, I hate it here," Knute said. 

Victor laughed slightly. He guessed Knute wasn't mad. He'd know it if he was. Knute didn't hold things in like that. Not like he did. He kept everything inside. 

But...the past was the past. Maybe the destruction of the Resistance had been his fault, or perhaps not. Maybe they already knew where they were...there were too many things he didn't know in order to feel guilty about it. He'd put it away until another time. Bring it out when his mind was much clearer for thinking. 

"Yeah, I hate this place, too," Victor agreed. "Still...I wish we hadn't been sent to destroy this place back when." 

Knute nodded. "I'm glad the mission failed, too. I guess it's still home, whether I like it or not." 

Victor only stared up at the stars, saying nothing more. 

"Say," Knute said, "do you think this is going to work? Do you think we're really going to find a job?" 

Victor shook his head. "Dunno." 

"Do you think we need a new strategy?" 

"Maybe we do. What do you think we should do?" 

Knute looked at his nails a second. "Well, I was thinking...we might do better if we try applying to places separately. I'm not suggesting we should split up for good or anything, but they're more likely to hire one person than two. And that way we can cover more ground faster. What do you think?" 

"Well, it's a plan, and right now we really don't have one. So let's give it a shot for a day or two. See how it works out." 

Knute nodded. "Of course it'll work. I'm brilliant." 

Victor rolled his eyes. "Of COURSE you are..." 

* * * * * * 

The next morning, Victor had decided to take the northwestern end of the city around the arena, while Knute headed off to the northeastern sections. 

Things in the northwestern end were quiet as the D Block prison came nearer. Victor had also never been to this end of the city, except once or twice as a child to see the Tournament. 

He passed a small door along the far end of the arena and noticed a small sign hanging from it, reading "Help Wanted." Victor shrugged, wondering what sort of work would be available, and went inside. 

It was a dark inside as Victor had expected, but nothing had prepared him for the stench which predominated the air. It was familiar...but not so familiar that he could instantly identify it. That was likely a good thing. 

"Be right there," a voice from inside an off-shooting room said. "Here about the job?" 

"Uh..." Victor said, trying not to breathe too much. "Yeah..." 

"Okay...one minute. Feel free to have a seat..." 

Victor looked around and saw two wooden chairs at a small table. He quickly checked them for splinters, then sat down when he was satisfied. 

"Well, well, well...if it isn't "THE GREAT" Victor Helmholz!" 

For a moment, Victor couldn't place the face of the short, skinny man who now stood before him with a crooked smile. _ Someone else from the Resistance? No. Someone from school? No.... hmm... Solaris? Definitely not. _

"Oh, I'm hurt!" the man said. "I mean, in theory, I know I was a nobody, but I'd expect at least you to recognize me, Vic." __

Vic... Someone who would call him Vic. Only Knute and his closest friends from school called him that... 

"It's me! Shimm!" __

Oh, yeah... Crystal clear... "Uh..." 

The man pouted. "You really did forget me. Well, I should have figured as much..." 

Victor wished he could remember what his status with this Shimm person had been so he'd know how to best fake a good impression. After all, it appeared as if this person might possibly be the boss. 

"Uh...sorry... my memories... have been kinda scattered recently. I'm sure it's nothing personal." 

The one named Shimm narrowed his eyes, completely non-plussed. "Yeah...right." 

Victor fought desperately for the identity of this 'Shimm'. There had to be some reason why he couldn't remember, even with a name. __

Probably the forgettable type, Victor thought to himself. 

"Okay, let me give you a few hints, then. Your mansion. Summers. Garbage can." __

Garbage can! Oh YEAH! No wonder... As Victor suspected, completely forgettable. In fact, he was sure he'd have forgotten Shimm even without Solaris' brain job. This guy Shimm had been born like a barnacle while Victor was growing up, always bothering him. As the son of two of the Helmholz servants, he had always been there in the mansion, trailing Victor like a shadow. In the hall, in the family room, in the garden...in the bathroom! Victor could barely stand it! Maybe if Shimm hadn't been so irritating, it might have been bearable having him around so much. But Shimm's constant chatter would grate on any saint's nerves. In that regard, being sent away to boarding school most of the year was a great mercy. 

Summers became bearable when Knute and Victor joined forces against his shadow. Not that Shimm ever got the hint, even after being dumped into the garbage can almost daily. Dense...annoying...clingy...that was Shimm in a nutshell. 

And now Victor wanted a job from him. 

Victor hated irony. __

Ah, well, he thought. _Roll with it and do you best. It's all you can do. _

"Ah HAH! Now I remember you, Slim Shimm." 

The man shuddered. "Don't call me that..." 

Victor fought the urge to say "Call you what, Slim Shimm?" but then he remembered why he was there. 

"Okay, I won't." 

Shimm looked surprised, staring at Victor with his mouth slightly agape. "Wha-hoh! Very different from the Vic I used to know. I'm surprised you didn't use that to your advantage. You would have before." 

"Yeah, well..." Victor said, because it was all he could bring himself to do. 

"Sooo..." Shimm spoke, leaning on the wall. "You need a job now, do you?" 

"Uh..." Could Victor swallow his pride and fathom working for.... 

"Yeah, I need a job," he replied, deciding that this was his only choice. He was doing this for all his friends, and his own pride didn't matter at that moment. 

"Hmmmmm....well, you're probably over-qualified, seeing as you went to a hoity-toity school, and all." 

"Do you think I'd be here if I was qualified for more?" 

Shimm turned away. "It's yucky work." 

_Yucky?_ For a minute, Victor paused, but then remembered again how badly he needed a job. "I can take it," he said. 

Shimm chucked. "Hmmm...the prospect of having you work for me is appealing. Well, okay. You start at eight tomorrow. Right here." 

Victor tried to get excited, but found it hard. Then he supposed that he could do any job for awhile until he thought of what he wanted to do long term. 

"Thanks, Shimm." 

"Oh HOH! Believe me, this will be LOADS of fun..." 

Victor turned to leave, but then stopped when a question came into his head. 

"Say, Shimm? Your family has worked for the Helmholzs for generations. Why didn't you decide to stay?" 

Shimm broke out into that irritating horse laugh again. Victor could hardly believe he'd never grown out of it. "I thought about it...and realized that staying would be an easy way out, but...then I realized...I didn't want to work for you. Have a good day, Vic." 

* * * * * * 

"Hey, you got a job? That's good!" Renk said when Victor announced it to the group. 

"Hey, great, Vic!" Knute said, even happier than Renk was. "Then maybe my day will come soon." 

"Yeah, hope so..." Victor hoped Knute would have better luck than he did... He sighed and sat down on one of the beds. 

"Heyyyy, what is it?" Knute asked. 

"Do you remember Shimm?" 

Knute went distant for only a couple seconds. "Oh, yeah! Slim Shimm, your shadow!" 

"Weird you remember him when I barely could." 

"Your mind probably didn't WANT to remember him. I wouldn't. So... what about him?" 

"Well, ah..." Victor paused, knowing the news would become a source of endless ridicule from Knute. But what were friends for, right? 

"Shimm...is my boss." 

There was a pause and a stunned expression from Knute. But it was quickly broken by a loud guffaw. 

"You are such a good friend," Victor spoke dryly as Knute continued to laugh. 

"I - I know...but Shimm...Your BOSS! What's that little weasel doing now?!" 

Victor realized that he hadn't actually asked what the specifics of the 'yucky work' were. 

"Well...something at the Arena." 

"Really, now? Doing what?" 

"Uh, well...I'm pretty sure he works in the stables...or something." 

"Stables?! You're a stable boy!" Knute laughed again. 

"Shut up, Knute," Victor said, dryly again. 

"Sorry...sorry...oh, my ribs...Ohhh, hey wait...Why would a gear battle arena have a stable?" 

The thought seemed to strike them both at once. Victor's face paled. "The...They have a Rankar... don't they?" 

"Uh - well... Been nice knowing ya, Vic," Knute said, and laughed again. 

"Shut up, Knute..." 

* * * * * * 

"Uuugh!" 

Victor crinkled his nose as a smell unlike anything he had smelled before assaulted him. 

The Rankar, a giant dinosaur-like creature, was used in the Battling Tournaments at the Arena. But where there were animals, there was waste, and that was someone's job to pick up. Namely him.Victor had seen the huge pile and his eyes almost fell out from the shock. 

"...and of course you have to pick that all up and take it to the incinerator," Shimm said, putting a shovel in Victor's hand. "It's gotta be done before the Rankar finishes its battle. You've got about two minutes." 

"TWO MINUTES?!" 

"Uh huh. So you'd better hustle. Good luck, Mr. Helmholz." 

For a stunned second, Victor could only stare at his project. But then he remembered "two minutes" and saw the Rankar's jaws around him and turning him into lunch. He decided he'd best get to work. Furiously he shoveled the pile, and he got discouraged when he saw he had barely made a dent. He began to dig faster and faster. The crowd rose up in cheers in the background. Victor heard the Rankar's roars form the arena and his heart fluttered into a panic. He didn't think he had ever worked so fast... 

"Ah...I see you're almost done....impressive," Shimm said from outside the cage. 

"Don't....have time....to talk...the Rankar..." 

Shimm began to chuckle softly, and quickly it became roaring laughter. Victor realized Shimm was laughing at him. 

"What?!" 

"You new guys...always...fall for that trick..." 

"TRICK?" 

Victor was hardly amused. He was covered in dung from head to toe, and already exhausted from shoveling so quickly. 

"Don't worry. The Rankar has two stables. He makes such a mess, we clean one stable while he stays in the other one. Besides, the keeper has him under control. You're completely safe." Shimm laughed again, a hearty laugh. "I woulda thought you, the practical joke king, woulda seen way through that trick. Guess you're not as good as they say....but I am impressed with your work. Never seen any scoop up so much shit in so little time. I think this is going to work out great! Well, keep working and get the stall spotless. I'll be back shortly to see how you're doin'." 

Shimm left Victor steaming mad. How could that little weasel have gotten the better of him like that? Well...Victor couldn't leave it like that. He would have to get even. But... how? He needed to take some time and think about it. He knew he would have plenty of time as he shoveled away. 

Victor continued to work, his mind half on his revenge, and half on how much the job sucked. __

I could not, and would not do this my whole life if I could help it.... but for now... until I find something better, this will have to do... no matter how much of a brain-drain it is. 

"Say, Vic," Shimm asked later when he sauntered by to check on him. 

"What?" Victor half groaned and half snapped. 

"I was wondrin'...what a rich kid like you is doing in a job like this? I mean... you have the chance to be anything you want. You can go to the best schools, make connections. Things people of my class just can't do as well, if at all. I was just the son of a servant....I didn't have the opportunities you did. So now I'm stuck shoveling shit my whole life." 

Victor thought about all he had been through since leaving the school. Had it been worth it? Would he have just been better off succumbing to his father's will and becoming an accountant? He supposed it wasn't a bad job, really...compared to this one, it was a great job - just boring. He could live with boring. At least it was boring and respectable. But could he let his father win? Never. That would be worse than working at the stables. 

"I see what you mean, Shimm," Victor said. " I made some mistakes in my life. Big ones. But...I'm still young enough to fix them. Do you think I want to shovel shit my whole life?" 

"Who wants to?" Shimm asked. "I think the only job worse than this one is probably the guy who scrapes the road kill off the street. I saw a guy doing that once, and it made me feel better about my job." 

"Yeah, probably..." Victor said. He had seen war...fought in one... killed, and almost been killed... but in 'this' world, none of it mattered. He hadn't been a hero in Solaris... and he was far less here. But at least he was a member of Gebler's elite force. Here he was only good at shoveling the dung of mindless beasts. 

"Well, keep working. I'll tell you when you can take a lunch." 

Victor nodded. Now his mind was filled with many more thoughts. Should he, or shouldn't he? Could he let his father win? But....just maybe....his father was right.... 

* * * * * * 

The dusk had fallen over Nortune by the time Victor arrived back at the inn. Knute was outside, looking around in the lobby. 

"So....how was your first day?" Knute asked right away. 

Victor grunted. "Don't ask." 

"That bad?" 

"You know, that Shimm kid is as much a pain in the ass as he was when we were kids. Now he's prancing all around like he's better than me because he's got seniority over me. I don't really much care HOW long he's been shovelling shit before me. I'm going to SO get back at him tomorrow. Say, maybe you can come work at the stables. I'd have seniority over someone, then." 

"Huh! No thanks. I've got a better job lined up." 

"Oh you do, huh? Where?" 

"The Enchantment Escort Service." 

"You must be kidding," Victor spoke. 

"No. They accepted me on the spot. Pretty good, huh? I always knew a simply perfect face like mine would be in high demand." 

"Are you fully aware of what your tasks are, Knute?" 

"Sure. Escorting women. What could be better?" 

"Geez, you're awfully naive, Knute. I really don't think we're THAT desperate yet." 

"Desperate? I don't know what you mean..." 

Victor eyed him suspiciously. "You really have no idea, do you?" 

"Idea of what?" 

"Oh, geez.... If you don't know, I think I'll just let you find out for yourself. It's your body and your life. As long as you can live with yourself..." 

Knute thought about it. "Oh, THAT! Oh, don't worry about that. The lady said this isn't that kind of escort service." 

"Suuuure it's not." 

"Hey, she gave me her word." 

Victor rolled his eyes. "Whatever. So when do you start?" 

"I've got an assignment for tomorrow night. I've gotta show up at the office at five. They'll fit me for a tux, and then I'll go pick up my cutie. Hey, why don't more guys use this to meet women?" 

Victor didn't say anything in reply. He was still too stunned that Knute would ever consider something so stupid. "Well, just don't do anything you're going to regret." 

"I told you it's not that kind of escort service." 

"Okay, okay. Whatever. I'm going inside." 

* * * * * * 

Victor had planned his day very carefully. He did as he was asked, and even let Shimm continue to boss him around. Nothing Shimm said or did would sway Victor from his plan, however. He had made his decision, and if he was going to go, he'd do so with a good laugh. 

"Now make sure this stable is spotless. I know you only just cleaned it, but the Rankar had another good win and was especially frisky today. Uh, and could you kinda pick up the pace? You're working much too slow today." 

Victor knew it was a never-ending cycle of shoveling Rankar poop and other such unpleasantries. He almost felt bad for poor Shimm. Almost. 

Victor looked around a corner. Shimm had gone into his office, and would probably be gone for at least fifteen minutes. Just enough time... 

* * * * * * 

Shimm emerged from his office to check on Victor and see whether he was done. But when he arrived at the stable, his heart stopped. 

Torn clothes were strewn all over the ground, covered in blood. The gate at the back of the cage was opened wide, the hinges squeaking slightly. The sound of the Rankar's roars came from the distance. 

"OH NO!" Shimm exclaimed, blanching as he saw it. "I know I joked about it, but it's never really happened! Ohmygod VICTOR!!! H-HELP! THE RANKAR'S LOOSE! IT'S EATEN MY STABLE-BOY!!!" 

Victor watched the entire scene from a corner that was in shadow. This was even better than he expected. Shimm was completely wrecked. Victor saw a dark stain form on Shimm's pants, and he held back laughter. No. This was too good to destroy just yet. 

Shimm began to run around in circles, having no idea what to do or how to proceed. He was screaming, "The Rankar's loose! The Rankar's loose!" and a bunch of other things Victor just couldn't make out. Ohhhhh, this was sweet revenge for the joke Shimm had played on him the day before. And Victor always had to have the last laugh. 

He wanted to hold out for longer, but he couldn't help it. Shimm looked so ridiculous, running around aimlessly and screaming at every shadow. 

"Relax, Shimm. The Rankar's secure in the far stables," Victor said, stepping from one of those shadows. 

Shimm turned to stare at Victor and screamed. After a couple moments, Shimm screamed like a woman and pointed at Victor like he'd seen a ghost. "V-Victor...you're....you're not..." 

"Nah, nah. Just a little joke." 

Shimm's expression turned to one of scorn. "That wasn't funny. I nearly had a heart attack." 

Victor scoffed, "Too bad. Poor Shimm needs a diaper." 

"Shut up!" Shimm said, trying to cover up his mess with his hands. "You are aware I'll have to fire you for this." 

"Ah, who cares? I quit. See ya, Slim Shimm." 

Victor headed back to the inn quietly. Yes, he had made the right decision. He only hoped Knute would forgive him for it some day. 

* * * * * * 

Knute looked at the piece of paper the company had given him, then looked at the large house in A Block, not that far from his own in childhood. Oh, he remembered who lived here, though he wished that had been one of the things his memory had chosen to blot out. He had hoped this job would be a chance to meet some beautiful, single ladies, but when he had received this assignment, his image had been shattered. 

"Oh, please...oh, please...oh, please...don't let her recognize me..." he chimed quietly to himself as he waited on the doorstep. A well-dressed man answered the door. 

"Yes?" he asked. 

Knute stood dumbfounded a moment, not knowing quite how to respond. 

The butler looked perturbed. "Might I ask what your business here is?" 

Um....I'm, um...I'm from Enchantment Escort Services. My name is Kn.... Karl. I'm here to pick up..." 

"Ah, yes. Lady Lavand. One moment, and I will call her." 

Knute hoped that somehow Lady Lavand had a young niece visiting her, though he knew it was too much to hope for. He knew that when he saw the old lady coming into the hall all dressed up to go out. 

Oh, yes...he remembered Lady Lavand...a crotchety old friend of his mother's who had always lingered at the edge of his life like a bad seed. 

Knute could still feel her pinching his cheeks in an act of affection gone horribly wrong. _"OOOOH!! You're such a cuuute widdle boy! Cheeky cheeky!" _He could hardly believe the old woman would still be alive after all these years! She had looked ancient twenty years ago. Thank goodness he had been just a child when he last saw her. Less chance she'd recognize him. 

"Well, well, well....aren't you a cute young man? Boy, that service knows my taste by now. They always send me a fresh, polished one. I like polished ones..." 

The way she said 'polished' made Knute's skin crawl. 

"Uh...I'm Karl," he responded. 

"Ah HAH! Karl! What a studmuffin they've sent me tonight. I'm so excited!" 

Knute breathed a sigh of relief. At least it seemed the old woman hadn't recognized him. At least that was turning out alright. 

But another chill went up his spine when Lady Lavand stealthfully reached behind him and pinched his posterior. He had never seen an old woman move so fast...or any woman...or any human, for that matter. 

He gulped, trying to ignore what she had just done and keep a strong face. "I guess we should go..." he said quickly, maybe in the hope it would speed up the evening. 

"Go? We aren't going anywhere..." 

Knute looked at the old woman quizzically, suddenly not liking this situation one bit. "Um...but aren't I your escort?" 

The old woman cackled...a familiar cackle from the nightmares of his childhood. Why couldn't his memory have blocked this? 

"I love them naive... Come here, sonny. I'll show you a good time!" 

She grabbed his arm and pulled him inside. Before he got over being stunned, she was on top of him, trying to rip off his clothes. He remembered the slobbery, wet kisses, the hairy lip...oh the horror! If he was going to have a first time, it was certainly not going to be like this and certainly not with this woman of all people! 

For someone her age, she was deceptively strong. At first he couldn't push her off him. But then he realized he'd have to throw his entire body weight into it if he was going to break free. 

"OOFFF!" he shouted, pushing the old lady off him. This caused her to roll several times before hitting the wall. He jumped to his feet and ran desperately for the door. 

"Oooh...a spunky one..." Lady Lavand shouted out as Knute reached the door. But he didn't dare wait around for her to come after him again. Before he dared slow down, he was halfway back to B Block. His pace slowed to a walk, then to a slow shuffle. He didn't want to get back to the inn too quickly. He hadn't yet decided what he was going to say to the guys. 

* * * * * * 

Victor had been silent most of the evening. He hadn't seen Knute since he had gone off to work. After quitting his job, instead of going back to the inn right away, Victor had decided to go for a long walk around the city and think about things and how they were quickly going to change. He also wondered how he could tell Knute. His friend would be so disappointed in him when he found out. 

When he finally got back, Victor had found a place by the window where he could look out on the entrance of the inn. He wanted to catch Knute before he came in and got too comfortable. Knute had been so mad at him a few days ago for keeping things from him. So...he decided that, for once, he wouldn't wait. 

Though Victor's watchful eyes were on Knute, his ears were on what was happening behind him. Vance had taken his last creation, the GPS, and created a new one - this one a tracking device. Still, there was little use for it in Nortune, but Victor decided he wasn't going to say anything this time. Vance seemed so proud of it, and Renk seemed impressed, so why would he stick his nose in it? 

"It's almost finished. Just about another hour or two, and I'll try it out. You're sure you don't mind, Renk?" 

"Mind being a guinea pig to one of your new toys? Yeah I mind." 

Vance must have looked a bit disappointed, but Victor wasn't looking at either one of them. He could only judge so by the couple seconds of silence between his friends. It was confirmed when Renk responded, "Hey, kid, you know I'm kiddin'. I don't mind helping you out at all. I need a walk, anyway. I haven't had a good drink in weeks. Maybe I'll head out for a beer and hope it isn't as lousy as the stuff was in Bledavik." 

"Well, when I do get it working, just go wherever you want out there. I should be able to find you if all goes well. But hey, I'm confident this one's gonna work great. I'd test it in here, but that's kinda pointless. Now if I'd put the tracking device on Knute, then we'd know exactly where he is right now." 

"Probably in that chick's bed," Renk said. "Poor Knute. He's a sucker." 

"Sucker?" Vance said. "What if she's pretty?" 

Renk laughed. "I doubt that!" 

Victor did his best to laugh along with them, but he found it hard. No, Knute was going to hate him for this. But maybe he could help him see reason. 

Eventually, he saw Knute approaching and he rose to go to the lobby. 

"I'll be back in a few minutes, guys, "he said to Vance and Renk as he left. He then sighed, knowing it was time. 

Knute didn't come inside after about a minute, so Victor went outside and saw Knute standing outside the inn's door, looking up at the stars. 

"Hey..." Knute said when he saw his presence. 

"Hi, Knute." He walked up beside him and also decided to look. You couldn't see much out here - not like it had been in the open desert. But certainly more than they had ever seen in Solaris. 

"What's up?" Knute asked him, tearing him away from his view. 

"Nothing much. I quit my job." 

"Uh....yeah. Me too." 

"Um hmmm. I supposed you wouldn't be able to do it." 

"Nah." 

Victor sighed. No more reason to delay this any longer than he had to. 

"We've almost run out of the money Finn gave us," Victor said. "After tonight, we have no more for the inn. And only enough for two more days of food." 

Knute paused, and Victor could tell that it hadn't been a surprise to his friend. Knute finally replied, "I'm beginning to wonder if it's in our best interests to commit a crime to be put in D Block. At least we'd have a decent place to sleep." 

Victor didn't like Knute's response. "You're kidding, right?" 

"Don't be shocked if I'm not." 

Was Knute really that desperate? Well then...maybe this wasn't the wrong decision. 

"Well, you can do whatever you want, Knute. I know what I have to do." 

Again, more silence. Victor hated it. 

"You're gonna go back and work for your dad, right? You're going to become a boring old accountant." 

Victor sighed. "I don't see I have much choice. I have to eat." 

Well, there it was. Out in the open. And it didn't ease Victor's heart one bit. 

"Huh! I should have supposed as much." 

"Don't be mad, Knute." 

"I'm not mad!" he snapped. "I'm just..." 

Knute walked farther ahead of him, but said nothing more. 

"You feel betrayed," Victor said. Of course it was true. He was going back to the world that they had both vowed never to go back to. He probably would, as all their friends before them, become his father. Why wouldn't Knute feel betrayed? He would if it was the other way around. 

"I do not feel betrayed," Knute replied, but Victor could tell the halfheartedness in his answer. 

"Yeah, you do. Admit it. You feel betrayed." 

Knute turned to him. "I thought we were a team. I thought we stuck together through everything." 

The anger in Knute's eyes as he spoke was enough to make Victor's heart sink. But he wasn't the one who was wrong! But how could he explain it? Explain the thing that seemed so obvious to him? Knute was still younger than he was - he didn't understand... 

"We still are a team. But...this is different. We're not kids anymore, Knute. This isn't Solaris, and this isn't a game. This is reality. We have to live somehow. Life on the surface sucks, but it's the way it is." 

Knute still said nothing. 

"Brother..." Victor said, as if it would help. He knew deep in his heart that it wouldn't, though. 

"Don't...don't even try..." Knute said. 

"I can find you a job in the company, too. I'm sure there's a job in PR you could do. You've got charisma. The customers will eat that up." 

"Forget it." 

Victor shook his head. "What is it, Knute? Your pride? Come on, it's not a bad job. And if you're good at it, you can make a lot of money." 

"I don't want money!" he exclaimed. 

"What do you expect me to do for you then, if you won't let me help you out?" 

"I don't want your help, okay?! Just leave me alone!" 

He stormed off into the night, and Victor chose not to follow him. After all, what more could he say? Things just couldn't be the way Knute wanted them to be. 

"You just want to be by my side and do everything together..." Victor whispered to himself. "You've always looked at me like a big brother, but...it's time to let go, Knute. I have to go my way, and you have to go yours. It doesn't mean we have to stop being friends and stop hanging together, but...it's gonna take some adjusting for both of us. I'd be lying if...I didn't think going back was gonna be hard on me, too." 

* * * * * * 

Knute walked on in the Nortune night, lost in his thoughts and memories of the past. __

It's as I thought. This was a bad idea. And now we're all suffering. I mean, we were better off in Solaris. There we had talent and a title and a decent apartment and decent pay...here we have nothing. If I had known what life was going to be like here, I never would have longed to leave! 

We vowed to do everything together, Vic. When we decided to run away from school to 'conquer the world', we stuck together. We made a pact that we'd never become our parents, that we'd never go back to that life. That led us to join the Kislev military. We didn't need anything but each other then. Soul brothers, we called each other. Even when Solaris kidnapped us...not even reprogramming could make us forget our friendship. But now, something as simple as reality...is going to rip us apart. 

I wish I was still sixteen, alone on the open plains of Kislev, trying to decide what I was going to do with my life. Had I known what would happen, I would have probably chosen a different path. Maybe when we joined the Resistance, Solaris had a chance to see something in us that meant something to them. It's not like I really loved gear combat or anything, but I was good at it. But here...I never finished school. I never aspired to anything much in this world. My mom wanted me to go into high finance, become a stock trader, but I never really liked the fact she had set up my life without asking me what I wanted, so I resisted anything she suggested. I think I regret it now. If I had been older, more mature, maybe I would have seen things more clearly. 

I'm just a loser in this world. 

I've never been anything but a loser. 

A sparkle in the sky caught his eye, and he was drawn to it. It was as if the stars were falling from the heavens. Glints of light rained on the town, showering it in a beautiful light show. 

"What the hell?" Knute asked. "This is weird..." 

He chose to go back to the inn. As he entered, he saw Victor and Vance at the window, also looking at it. 

"What do you suppose it is?" Victor asked. 

Vance shook his head. 

"I was gonna ask the same thing," Knute said. 

At that moment, a strange feeling overcame Knute. He felt so much stronger -- like he could take on the world and the Emperor all by himself. Take on the Emperor? He hadn't realized until that moment that he had never considered taking on the Emperor before, even though he had always had very little respect for him. Had there been something holding him back before? 

"Do you guys all feel that...?" Victor asked aloud. 

Knute, Vance and Renk all nodded. 

"It's -- fantastic!" Knute exclaimed. "I feel invincible!" 

"Me too..." Vance spoke. 

A scream pierced their ears from not far away, but that was not the first one. Many screams began to rise into the night. 

"What's going on?" Knute questioned. 

A creature broke through the window in the room next to them and ran off. It was hideous, whatever it was. 

"What the hell was that?!" Knute said, pointing to the creature. 

"I don't know. But even the ugliest demi-human doesn't compare to that thing..." Victor said. 

There was a strange noise from the corner of the room which caught everyone's attention. They all turned around to investigate. 

Renk was hunched over, making even more noises. 

"Renk?" Knute questioned. 

"G-G-Ghack...!" was all Renk could manage. 

"Renk?!" Vance exclaimed. 

"Guhah....gurk...!" Renk spluttered. "H -- Help -- me...." 

Knute and Victor ran to his side. 

"What is it? What's wrong?" 

"No....no...." Vance whispered, as if he knew. 

Before their eyes, Renk's form changed. His spine bent and he was left with a hunchback...his skin became dark and withered until the bones in his hands were visible. Whatever was happening it also seemed very painful, and Renk's screams filled all their ears. 

Vance had turned away from the scene, hands over his ears to block out the screams. That was all Knute could see besides Renk's change. 

"My....god!" Knute breathed. He had never seen anything like this before. His mind wanted him to turn away, but his body wouldn't allow him to. What was happening to their good friend? In all his years, he had never heard of this. It filled his heart with dread. 

Renk's mutation stopped. Knute was still paralyzed, unable to process what had just happened. How could one easily comprehend such a thing? 

For a long time, there was silence in the room. Then Vance made what sounded like a sobbing sound, and ran for the washroom, slamming the door. 

"Renk....?" Victor asked, his voice also bewildered. 

Renk looked at his hands and felt his face. He walked slowly over to the mirror on the dresser, and gasped. He looked for a long time, as if trying to fathom it himself. 

Eventually he turned and looked at them all, the pain, fear and humiliation in his eyes, and he began to bolt towards the window. 

The other two were too shocked to react. They could only stare as Renk jumped through the window and sped off into the night... 

END OF CHAPTER 4 __

Well, it's about time this chapter is finally off my chest. However, unfortunately, chapter 5 is even less done than chapter 4 was when I first posted this story and promised it 'soon'. But now that I don't have to concentrate on this one anymore, it'll be easier to go. I think the next chapter will be back under 15 pages again. 

* * *

Xenogears, the world and its situations are (c)2002 by Square, not me. This is a fanfic, after all. 


	5. The Plains of Kislev

_A/N: Okay, this is a long one. I'd like to thank K'Arthur for beta reading this chapter for me. I know it was a long undertaking! I also apologize about the silly-looking scene breaks. The uploader doesn't like my six asterisks, so I've settled on ten "o"s. It's the best I could think of, and it works (I hope)._

**Gebler Special Forces: Chapter 5**

**The Plains of Kislev**

Victor stared in bewildered silence, as did Knute, who stood beside him, staring after Renk as his form disappeared into the night.

The chaos on the streets was obvious as screams, both close and from afar, rose from the night. Renk had not been the only one to change, that was certain. But...

Victor had completely forgotten about Vance, who now came out of the bathroom cautiously.

"He's...gone?" Vance asked, his voice as quiet and scared as a child's.

Victor could only nod in response. "I don't...he's...yeah, he's gone..."

Vance rushed over to something that had been left on the bed. Victor hadn't noticed before that there was a small hand-held device lying there, a green light on it flashing away slowly.

"I'm going after him. I can't let him die. I won't let it happen," Vance said, quickly gathering his things.

"What's going on? What is this? What happened?" Knute asked, his tone both numb and horrified.

"I don't have time to explain it. Let's just hurry. And be battle ready," Vance said.

Victor waited for Knute to move, but he was still in shock. He could barely make sense of it himself. One minute they were all together, probably for what would have been the last night. Vance and Renk were working on some sort of experiment with the machine. Knute had just returned to the room... The sky had lit up with falling stars... Then...

Nothing about it made sense.

Regardless, he trusted Vance. Somehow the younger soldier knew something that he didn't. If Vance said to be battle ready, Victor decided it would be in his best interests to listen.

"Hey, Knute...snap out of it, will you? We've got to go and look for Renk."

Knute sat down numbly on the bed. "Yeah...I...guess..."

Victor sighed, feeling a bit better knowing that Knute was snapping out of it. He took Knute's pistol out of the drawer and gave it to him. "Okay, then. Let's get out of here."

oooooooooo

Several hours had passed, and the only light on the open plain was Vance's small worklight.

"Think you'll have it fixed soon?" Helm asked Vance, who was looking at the small device he had created as a tracking device.

Vance was completely bewildered as he looked at the small device in his hand. "Must be a loose wire or something. But I can't think anymore. I'll look at it again in the morning and hope Renk doesn't remember that he's got the thing hooked up to him."

Stratski stretched. "That's actually sort of good. I'm exhausted. I can't walk anymore."

"Yeah. I think we should all get some rest. I've had a long day. There's nothing we can do until morning, anyway. I'm sure Renk will be okay. We'll pick up his trail tomorrow. He's probably closer than we think," Helm stated.

"Yeah, he probably is. I mean, how much can he run, anyway? He's older than all of us," Stratski chimed in.

"You'd be surprised. He has amazing speed and strength now," Vance spoke absently, almost as if it was only to himself.

Helm gave Vance a confused look, but Vance chose not to elaborate further on it.

Helm eventually said, "Well, I still don't think he'll get that far. So don't worry about it."

Vance nodded. "Well, I'm going to just rest quietly for a bit. See if I can clear my head. I might be able to think better with a bit of rest."

"I'm just going to stay up for a bit longer," Stratski said. "We'll be quiet so you can rest."

Vance nodded, turned his back from them, and lowered his head onto his arms. Resting in a quiet place helped him rejuvenate slightly, and he knew he would need it. He fought the urge to close his eyes entirely, despite how the exhaustion ripped through him.

It was pointless even trying to work on his broken device at the moment. Instead, his mind drifted back for a moment to when he'd given Renk the other half.

"And this thing is supposed to do what, exactly?"

"It's a tracking device. You leave this little receiver with something or someone who might get lost. If you do end up losing it, you can use this other piece with the light lead you back to it. The light blinks faster the closer you are to it and should beep when you've found it. It works on things within this room, but I designed it to be used for long range, and I haven't tested that function of it yet. Which is why I'm giving it to you. How deep are your pockets?"

"This thing won't fall out. They're pretty deep. So what do you want me to do?"

"Just...go somewhere. Somewhere sort of far from here. I'll wait about fifteen minutes for you to get there, then I'll come and try to find you. Assuming it works alright."

"Oh, it'll work. Your other stuff seems to."

"Yeah...but everything still needs a test."

"Heh. Happy to oblige. Besides, it's about time I get outta this stuffy room and go for a good walk. I'm actually in the mood. How about that?"

"That's great, Renk. So you're feeling a bit better?"

"Yeah...a bit. Enough for a good walk in the night air. You should be getting out, too. We both need to get out of this room for a bit."

Vance sighed. For a brief moment, it had seemed like Renk was going to be okay. And everything changed so rapidly...

Vance brought out his book again and began to write.

_I really shouldn't be stopping to write in this, but I'm tired, and I admit that I can't think anymore. After tonight, there's little chance I'll be able to sleep, either. Seeing Renk...like THAT...brings back too much. So I'm letting my mind rest by writing this. It's the only thing I can do._

_  
Thankfully, my tracking device was working fairly well until a few minutes ago. I'm not sure what the problem is, but I'm pretty sure it's on my end. I can't think of what I've done wrong. As I said, I'm far too tired to figure it out right now. I'm glad I made the thing, though. Co-incidence that Renk and I were just about to test it when this happened. I don't know how long we would have searched in that city for him. He bolted right for the city outskirts, and seems to be wandering out here, in the Plains of Kislev. I only hope that when we find him, it won't be too late to do something. _

_  
Not that I know what to do. Or even if it's really safe to do so. But I can't abandon him. Not this time. Now that I have some control over things, I'll change things. I won't let history repeat itself._

Vance put his journal in his pack quickly and leaned back into the grass. Regardless of how hard the ground beneath him was, he didn't feel it. He'd been fighting sleep the entire time he'd been writing, that incessant urge to sleep. He'd managed to catch the odd catnap in the days they were in Nortune, but only when Renk was awake and watching to see if he was beginning to dream. Now there was nobody to wake him if it happened. And he still wasn't ready to face his nightmares.

Stratski and Helm had already fallen asleep, it seemed. Good. They wouldn't know he was planning to stay up all night. He couldn't tell them why he feared sleep so much. They'd laugh and say he was weak, he knew it. Vance knew that was a bad reason, but who liked being ridiculed?

Vance looked up, and saw that the sun's orange glow was tickling the edge of the horizon. Sunrise already. How long had they been out here travelling, following Renk? All night. And likely they would be all day. Vance hadn't thought of how he'd capture Renk when or if they did catch up to him, but he supposed that would be another thing to deal with when the time came. There were too many things that couldn't be said for certain.

He looked at his device again, trying to focus on it instead of thoughts of sleep. Now that he'd cleared his mind slightly, he saw that the problem with the tracking device had just been a loose wire. He cursed himself for missing such an obvious problem, but supposed it was just that he needed more sleep. He quickly re-soldered the wire and tested it. The green light flashed again, humming softly when Vance pointed it towards the north-west. Renk hadn't gone much off course, it seemed.

Vance wanted to stand and announce that they could continue on, but his legs wouldn't co-operate. Instead, he felt his eyelids close, and he couldn't fight to keep them open. At least until he saw a light shining in his eyes from above. Vance jolted awake and saw the gear approaching them from a distance, its lights trained on their makeshift camp.

Helm and Stratski were also up and staring towards it, looking alarmed.

"I don't like this..." Stratski mumbled to himself, but everyone could hear him.

"Nah..." Helm replied.

"It's not one of Solaris' gears...it's too makeshift," Helm said, and Vance agreed. This gear wasn't graceful enough to be one of the Gebler fleet.

"It's definitely coming this way..." Helm spoke. "Should we hide?"

"Where? There's nowhere to hide," Stratski said quietly.

Vance's eyes never left the gear as it landed about fifty feet from them. He stood quickly, holding his pistol in check as the cockpit slowly opened.

At first, the person standing there seemed threatening, especially since the pilot's large form ran from the cockpit towards them. But then Vance felt foolish upon realizing who it was.

"Oh, thank God youse guys are okay!" came the voice.

"Finn!" Vance exclaimed.

"Oh, Vance, Stratski, Helm...I'm just so glad youse guys are safe!" Finn grabbed Stratski in a bear hug which nearly strangled the life out of the smaller-statured man.

"Uh...urk...it's good to see you too, Finn...ugh...now let me go..."

"Oh, uh..." Finn released him. "Yeah. Sorry."

Stratski coughed in response.

"Wait..." Finn said, surveying the crowd. "Where's Renk?"

The silence became thick. Stratski opened his mouth to tell him, but the look in Finn's eyes told that he had already figured it out.

"No...not Renk, too..." Finn spoke numbly. "It can't be true..."

"Yeah...it is..." Helm said.

"Sorry, Finn."

"Is he still alive?" Finn asked.

"We think so. We're looking for him. He ran out this way, but we haven't found him yet."

Finn sighed in relief. "Well then, there's a chance...a bigger chance than mom and Vehra had..."

"Them, too?"

Finn was silent as if remembering it all. Vance remembered how close Finn had been to his family, and for him, losing them would be a terrible blow. And they had been such nice people...

A flash of memory came over Vance, but he shook it off. This wasn't the time.

"I'd rather not talk about it... but mom... dad... and Vehra... they're not coming back to this world..." Finn spoke lowly. The tone in his voice, the thought that it had all been taken away from him in an instant...

"Holy..." Helm said. "This thing has spread as far as Dazil..."

Vance couldn't hold back his tears. It was too much. This was all becoming too much...

"Hey, Vance...you okay?" Finn asked him.

Vance approached him. "I understand..." he said softly to Finn. "I'm so sorry..."

Finn took Vance in his arms, but was gentler with him than he had been with Stratski.

"Thanks, Vance. You're a pal..."

"Uh huh..."

Finn released Vance, who hurriedly wiped his eyes. Nobody was staring at him. Good.

"Have you heard any reports on the airwaves on what's going on?" Helm asked.

Finn scratched his head. "Well...a bit. A couple transmissions from Solaris, and I think another one from Bledavik. Things aren't looking good. This thing's something like a disease, they said. It's pretty wide-spread. Even some people in Solaris have changed. It's indi...indes...indes-something."

"Indiscriminate?" Stratski corrected.

"Yeah! I think that was the word..." Finn said. "It's bad, right?"

"Oh, yeah. It's bad, alright," Stratski spoke.

Helm stepped in. "Do they have any ideas on a cause? Or a cure?"

Finn shrugged. "Lots of ideas floatin' around. Nothing solid, though. I've been listening all the way here to find youse guys, and nothing."

Helm stretched. "Well, it's great to have you back, Finn. And good to see that you're okay, too."

"Yeah," Stratski agreed. "Now if only we could find Renk..."

"Wouldn't it be easier ta find him with the gear I took? We can see him much better from the sky..."

"Hey, Finn's right," Helm said. "Even a civilian gear like this is faster than a man on foot. Now we know what direction he went in. Or do we? Vance, did you fix your machine?"

Vance nodded. "Easily."

"Good. Who's going to go up first?"

"Renk's gonna be way too strong for just one of us guys," Finn said. "Better get a couple of us to go."

Vance nodded. "Helm, you and Stratski stay behind in the camp. I'll go with Finn, since I know how to use my tracking device."

"Yeah, okay."

Finn hopped back into the cockpit of the worker gear, and Vance squished into a small corner, the only room left inside due to Finn's large gait.

"We'll have to be careful," Finn said. "He might be Renk, but he's gonna be dangerous. Bein' like that makes them crazy, and it won't matter we're buds to him."

"I know, Finn. I know all too well. Let's just go and find him."

oooooooooo

Finn pressed the gear northward. It had taken a bit of time for Vance to regain his track on Renk, but he was eventually successful. The light was flashing quicker now, indicating that they were closer to their goal.

"Is he close, Vance?" Finn asked while he drove the gear northbound.

"I think so. My machine does, anyway. He's stopped moving. He's probably hiding in those mountains over there."

"I hope that thing you said you stuffed in his pocket didn't fall out."

"I hope not," Vance said quietly. He was worried about that possibility himself, but he couldn't think of that. They would catch up to Renk. Even as he was, there was no way he could outrun a gear.

"Keep going straight?"

"Yes. Towards those mountains."

Finn nodded, kicking up the speed on the gear and racing them closer to Renk.

oooooooooo

_They're close...really close...but...I can't run anymore._

_  
Please, guys...just...leave me alone and let me die like this. Don't want...to hurt you guys..._

_  
That smell...blood...delicious...so hungry..._

"Renk!" a voice called out. The smell of food so overwhelming...the ache in his heart overwhelming...

"Get away! Don't look for me! Go back to Nortune an' don't follow me GURK "

"Renk, where are you?" A different voice. Finn? Why was he here?

_He smells delicious..._

_  
He's my friend...but...I'm so hungry..._

"Go away! All of you, just go away!"

"We're here to help!"

_If they truly wanted to help, they'd leave me here. They just care about me too much... Damn..._

"I think his voice is coming from this way."

"But my machine says he's THIS way..."

_The machine...so that's how they found me... I shoulda thought of that and smashed it..._

_  
They're close now. Really close. They smell...irresistible. Gotta fight...the urge ta..._

_  
_BEEP BEEP BEEP... the machine's sharp tone emitted three times in the air, startling him. Finn stepped out before him.

_His blood...smells...so good...can't resist...trying him..._

_  
_Renk lunged for his neck, but Finn raised his arm before he could reach him. Renk latched on to Finn's forearm, biting deep into his skin...tearing it open with his sharp teeth...

Finn's scream rose in Renk's ears and couldn't be drowned out by the rush of Finn's blood into his own, filling his need for food and so much more...

_Why's he got to scream? Why's he remindin' me that I care for him like a brother? How can I have done this? How? But...I'm so hungry and he tempted me._

_  
I want more..._

oooooooooo

"Oh, no! Finn!" Vance called out.

Vance watched as a man only vaguely resembling Renk jumped from a hiding spot behind a rock and was now latched onto Finn's arm. He had been so fast...

Vance knew how dangerous the situation had become. Finn was too stunned to react. He would have to move fast. He felt a rush of energy and decided to use it. He had readied the shackles and approached Renk from behind...

"Vance! Look out!" Finn shouted.

Vance felt a hard impact in his chest and hit the ground before he had even realized he'd been hit. Renk had sent him flying as if he'd been weightless. It took him a few moments to realize he wasn't in any major pain and to clear his thoughts. Renk growled like an animal, but otherwise stood there and didn't make a sound. His expression was filled with despair.

"Renk...please...let us..."

"I warned you to... GURKLE ...stay... KHEK ..."

"Never. I can't abandon you, Renk," Vance said. "Now calm down long enough for us to control you."

"C-can't... You smell so good...so hungry...I'm..."

Renk looked at Finn and paused. Vance could tell something in him was changing. Renk cupped two deformed hands over his head and his mouth began to quiver.

"I - I'm... GHACK ...so sorry, Finn. I'm..."

Renk slipped to his knees, holding out his arms. "I'm not fully formed yet...I'm...I'm gonna go completely...eventually... but...for now...I can still resist...for short periods of time. Lock me up while I'm strong enough to hold back..."

Vance was stunned by how Renk's demeanor had changed so quickly. But he didn't have any time to waste. He quickly shackled Renk's wrists and ankles with the Gebler-issued bindings from their survival packs.

"Weird...I never saw the point of these shackles and it turns out we needed them after all," Vance spoke quietly.

"It was ta arrest insulated Lambs...that's what they told me in training," Finn chimed in, though was gritting his teeth in pain.

"In - in - ghuck...insolent Lambs.." Renk corrected.

"Renk, don't try to talk if it's so hard."

Vance felt Renk would be fine alone for a few moments while he went over to Finn.

"Are you alright?"

"Uh...ow...er...yeah. It's not so bad. But I guess I should bandage it up. Got some first aid stuff in my pack."

Vance nodded, and went to get it. He quickly prepared some disinfectant and gauze bandage.

"Okay, Finn...show me the wound."

"Well...I can do it myself. This is somethin' I'm good at, ya know."

"Just let me help. I'm not the best at this, but I'll do better with two arms than you will with just one."

Finn removed his hand from the wound, and Vance saw that it really was worse than Finn had let on. It seemed a relatively large chunk of the skin on Finn's forearm had been torn away.

"Why didn't you just tell me it was this bad?"

"I didn't want ta worry you, Vance. And really...it's not as bad as it looks...GAH! That stings!"

Vance continued to apply the antiseptic, silently. "Whatever. Just give me a break next time, okay? I'm not stupid and I can handle this sort of stuff, you know."

"Yeah...I know ya can. Sorry Vance...I just..."

"Ah, never mind...anyway...It shouldn't take us long to get back," Vance said. "Twenty minutes, max. This gear isn't as nice as a Solaris one, but it's still faster than any land vessel."

Renk nodded solemnly. "Yeah..."

"We'll have to carry you outside, in the gear's arms. Sorry, Renk. I hope you understand," Vance replied.

"It's okay, kid. I know why."

Vance nodded. "Finn and I promise that we won't lose you."

"Nope! I won't lose you. Uh uh..." Finn said.

Renk was still quiet. Vance would have asked him what was wrong, but he knew it was obvious.

"You guys didn't have to come for me. I'm done for...this is the end," Renk eventually spoke, not even looking at them.

"Hey, no way, Renk! We'd never abandon you just 'cause this happened. And there's probably some way ta cure it!" Finn spoke.

Vance nodded. "That's true. We'll find a way. Now let's go. Helm and Stratski are waiting back at camp. Then we'll decide what to do from there."

"T - thanks...you can bear to look at me?"

"Renk...you're our friend...right? We can't just leave you like this. We've got to find a way to cure you, am I right?"

"I guess so..."

"We'll find it. We will," Vance said.

oooooooooo

Victor and Knute sat quietly for a long time, staring off into the horizon in the direction where Vance and Finn had gone off to find Renk. The two had built a roaring fire with kindling they'd found, and the atmosphere felt just as it had been many years before on their first day on the open plain. It was only natural that Victor's mind would wander to a time when they'd been much younger.

"What are you thinking about?" Victor asked Knute quietly. He wondered if his mind was also on that time.

Knute paused, as if thinking on whether he should say something, but then began, "Nothing much, really. Well...okay. I'm actually thinking about my dad..."

Victor sighed. "I see."

"I mean, it's not that I'm really upset he'd dead or anything...but..." Knute paused for a careful moment. He still stared into the distance, his eyes unfaltering. "Oh, I don't know...there was just so much happening all at once, I guess..."

"A lot's happened in just less than a month, huh?"

Knute nodded lightly. "You know...sometimes...I think of my life, and how it's gone. All those little fragments that I have...and I see the future I wanted to have...a home, a wife...maybe kids... a bigger dream than I could ever have. I envied Renk, his life, at times... But now everything's all wrong. Destroyed. All that's left is this broken world. A world with no future. No happiness... and no light."

Victor nodded lightly. "I know how that feels," he said quietly. "My dreams are all gone, too. None of it seems to matter anymore. Or what does matter is impossible."

"So...you're still going to go back to Nortune to take that job?"

Victor hadn't thought about it. It had seemed so clear before all this had happened. But...

"Probably. Eventually. But I can't abandon Renk. He means too much to me. More than my own dad, for sure. But... I guess there will always comes a time when you have to stop dreaming and get on with life. I still don't have any skills useful to the world here on the surface. That job my dad offered me is really my only chance of making it down here."

Knute sighed, almost as if he wasn't listening to him. Victor knew that everything they had learned in Nortune was having a much heavier burden on Knute than he'd ever let on. But Knute sometimes just needed time to work things out for himself. Besides, Victor knew he wasn't going to be around forever. As much as he wanted to be, he would probably eventually have to part ways with his best friend and go back to Nortune. As much as that was killing Victor inside.

"Do you remember any more of how we were in a much younger day? Before Solaris kidnapped us?" Victor said. He was trying to change the subject and put Knute's mind on something else. He laughed lightly, "It's strange when I think back on it - how innocent we were back then. We had that dream... We were going to change the world, overthrow Kaiser Sigmund, and lead Kislev into democracy. Or so Manarin kept telling us."

"We could have done it, Vic. You and me... we could have made something of that city - of all of Kislev. It wasn't just because Manarin inspired us...we truly believed in the cause. Or at least I did."

"Hey, I did, too. Don't misunderstand me."

"Yeah, I know."

"What happened was kinda different then we planned, right?"

"I'll say. Considerably."

"Regrets?"

"Nah, not really. At least we were together, right?"

"Right."

The two sat silently again, staring off into the distance.

Victor sighed again. He knew the future, but he thought of what he could say that would put Knute more at ease. "I think that for the next little while, we can't really think too far ahead about anything. The world is in chaos, and we don't know where we fit in the whole picture yet. I'm sure there's a place for you somewhere, Knute. I know there is."

"Uh huh."

More silence.

"I'm sure those guys have found Renk and are on their way back. I've just got a feeling."

Knute nodded. "I know. I don't think Vance will ever give up looking for him. But...I don't know if I want to see Renk. He's...well, I don't know. Like something out of a nightmare, I guess. I guess thinking that makes me a horrible jerk."

"Nah. Not at all. I understand. But...remember... Even if he's no longer the same Renk we knew once, he's still the Renk we knew once. If that makes any sense. I don't know anymore."

"It does."

"Good." Victor stretched. "Man, I'm still tired. Only got a couple hours of sleep. It's been a very long couple of days, and we're going to need our strength..."

Victor looked over at his friend, who had his head resting on his knees. He could tell Knute was already asleep.

"Be joining you soon, Knute," Victor said, leaning back and closing his eyes.

oooooooooo

A horrified scream tore through the darkness of the desert night. Finn awoke with a start, his heart beating quickly. What was going on? Who had screamed? The worst thing about it was that Finn recognized it, and it was coming from inside the house. He rose quickly, taking the revolver he still had from his service in Gebler, and went to investigate.

His father's voice was rising loudly above the screams of his mother, even though his words were indistinguishable. What was going on? Had a burglar broken into the house? No. This was plenty worse. Finn could tell.

His father's voice melted into a blood-tinged shriek...

The bedroom door was locked, but Finn kicked it down.

A mottled creature was hunched over his father's torn body, blood dripping from its fingers... That monster had...had...killed him. Torn him to bits...

Dad... The dad who he had looked up to, the one who had taught him everything about business. The one who had been so proud with every accomplishment he had made...

But...wait...it...it was no monster... He knew it when it hopped off his father and stood before him. Despite the profound deformity, Finn knew those eyes...his mother's kind eyes.

"Oh...my GOD!" Finn shouted. "Dad, mom! What...why...?"

For a moment she stopped and looked at him with a pleading expression. She was frightened and in severe pain...She lunged for her son like a wild animal. Finn dropped his gun in shock, but was still able to grab her wrists. The feel of her mottled skin sent shivers down his back. This small woman had become so strong. She fought his grip, but fortunately he was still stronger.

"Why... I don't understand..." Finn's eyes were stinging with tears. She was still glaring at him, as if not realizing who he even was...that was what hurt him the most.

"Ma, don't you recognize me...?"

She growled, nothing more than a low gurgle. Her struggle to get free became ever more desperate.

"No, ma...I ain't gonna let you go...I can't let you do this...whatever's happened to ya, there's gotta be some way to stop it..."

"Bblood..." she murmured. "Need...b-blood..."

Finn hated to do it, but he shoved his mother into the wall. She looked slightly hurt, but still rose quickly.

"Ma...stay back... I don't wanna hurt you..."

She cocked her head and looked at him, confused. "FFiFinn...y..."

Thinking she might be talking some sense again, he sighed in relief.

His mother looked around the room...at her eviscerated husband... Finn's face... her blood-covered hands. She looked horrified for a split second before she tore off through the window...

He watched after her and remembered the mother he had been so close to...the one who taught him how to cook and clean and keep the house spotless. The one who had always handled his questions so gently and honestly even when he hadn't been too bright, and been there to listen when he needed someone.

Finn knew he had to go after her. He picked up his revolver and turned to leave the room. But he couldn't. Someone else was standing there. It was another one...but this time it was even easier to know who this was...

"Vehra... oh, no...not you too..."

"Grrraaaah..." she moaned. "F-F-Finnnnn...h-help...m-m...e..."

He cocked his head slightly. "Vehra, I don't know what's going on here...I don't...but... I wanna help..."

"GRAAAAAH!"

Before he knew it, Vehra had also lunged for him. However, unlike his mother, Vehra was almost as strong as he was, and whatever had happened to make them both like this had made them much stronger. Vehra was able to throw him to the ground.

Finn had never been so frightened in his life. Would his life end at the hands of his own sister? What was happening here that changed the people he loved into monsters?

Vehra lunged, her sharp claws ready to tear into his flesh...but then there was a shot...and his sister slumped to the floor. He hadn't even realized he'd picked up his revolver and pulled the trigger.

"VVehra...I...I'm...oh...no..."

"G...g...rrrrrraaaaa..." Vehra moaned.

He jumped to her side. "Vehra, you still kicking? Oh, I'm so sorry I shot you! I have to do somethin'...somethin' ta help youse guys...but I don't even know what the hell's going on..."

Vehra's breath was shallow, and her eyes were slightly glazed over. But Finn held on to the hope he hadn't hurt her too badly.

"F-F-innnn...nnnn...you...did...h-help...me...don't...don't wa wanna live like... this...t-thank...you..."

"Wait...Vehra...don't...don't die...just like..." _Just like dad_, he thought.

Vehra breathed in once sharply, wheezing...but that was her final breath.

Vehra had left him...the sister who had protected him, kept him from being picked on, laughed at him and with him, too...the one who always told it like it was, spoke her mind...

The tears flowed bitterly down his eyes. He had never expected to lose them... and certainly not like this! And where had his mother gone? She was out there...

There was another scream from outside the house. Despite all that had happened, he had to try and find his mother. Yes, she had done a horrible thing, but it was because whatever this was had driven her mad. Nobody loved his dad more than she did...

Finn left the revolver on the floor next to Vehra. He was too afraid he'd use it again. He didn't care what happened to him. He had lost almost everyone he loved, anyway...

His mother hadn't gone far. She was in the street, holding the cuff of a male Finn didn't know. There were other mutants like her around, causing equal amounts of havoc, but he only saw her.

"Mom! No, stop it!"

Finn saw that a city guard had a gun trained on his mother from across the street.

"Wait, no! Don't shoot her!"

BANG!

The man dropped from his mother's grip...and then his mother also dropped.

It was all over. They were all gone...

He was alone once again...

"We're almost back at the camp," Vance spoke, snapping Finn out of his memories. He was happy for the interruption.

"Good. But...then what?" Finn asked.

Vance continued flying the gear silently.

"No idea, right?"

"No," Vance replied.

"Well...we'll take it a day at a time, right?"

"Yeah. I guess that's all we can do. Was there anywhere you needed to go?"

Finn shrugged. He did have one suggestion, but he didn't want to impose.

"You do, right?" Vance asked. Finn realized he probably hadn't hidden it as well as he'd liked to.

"Dazil..."

"You'll be okay with that? Are you sure?" Vance asked.

Finn nodded. "I hafta be. I want to go back and see what's left. And I wanna give my family a proper burial. I don't know what happened with that."

Vance nodded. "Well, it's a better plan than I have. We'll head back to Dazil, then. I don't see the others objecting. We can be back in a day with this gear."

Finn nodded. Yes, he had to go back. That was the right thing to do.

oooooooooo

The three arrived back at the camp and Vance and Finn tethered Renk to the gear with a strong binding cord. Renk had stopped being wild, and accepted the actions as necessary. Vance felt horrible that it had to be that way, but he suspected Renk would insist upon it himself if they didn't do it.

"So...what now, then?" Helm asked.

"Well..." Finn spoke. "I wanna go back to Dazil. I have some stuff I've gotta take care of there that I didn't before I left. Anyone not wanna go?"

"That's fine with me," Helm said.

"But...before we go, can we get a bit more sleep? I'm exhausted..." Stratski said.

"I'm for that," Helm chimed in.

"Yeah, me too," Finn said. "It can wait that long."

Vance nodded. "Okay. We'll leave when we're all awake again. I have to work on something, anyway."

The three others went to sleep, leaving Vance alone. He pulled out something he'd been working on, and tried to focus on it, now that they had daylight. But he was having a hard time concentrating and keeping his eyes open.

"The other three fell asleep awfully fast, didn't they? They ARE exhausted ghGURk..."

Vance looked up to see Renk staring back at him, his gaunt, dark face horrible, but with those same soft eyes.

"Yeah. Asleep already. What about you?"

"I'm fine for a bit. I got a bit of sleep on the way back. Not much, but it was enough."

Vance nodded.

"What are you working on?"

Vance looked at it. "Don't know yet. I'll have to see what it ends up being."

Renk seemed to smile. "Weird how all these years you were good at that sort of stuff, but never, ever used the skills. Solaris shoulda had you doing that sort of work. Not that you weren't a great gear pilot, but you're pretty talented with this stuff, too."

"Well...I think that's what they wanted me to do originally, but...things didn't work out."

Renk tipped his head. "Something happen?"

Vance didn't want to discuss it, but he found himself blurting it out. "Yeah. Something happened, alright."

"If you don't want to talk about it, that's okay. We've all got stuff in our past that we're ashamed of, kid. I sure do. Not stuff I want to talk about, either."

Vance nodded. "And how are you feeling, Renk?"

"'Bout as good as can be expected, I guess. It's not really painful anymore, like it was when it first happened. It's more of a dull ache all over. Still not pleasant, but...not that bad..."

"Well, it's good to know you're not in much pain anymore."

"Yeah...but...my mind is something different. That's...the worst part now, I think. The madness. The way...that I keep just wanting to lose control. It's a good thing you guys have me bound up. I don't trust myself not to hurt you."

"...I wish we didn't have to."

"Yeah...but that's the way it is. I'm doing my best to hold it together, but...it's only a matter of time until I lose it completely. I can tell."

Vance looked at his feet. Yes. It did happen so fast...

"You know..." Renk began again. "There's a voice whispering to me...it's sorta weird. It's telling me...'Come to the Soylent. You'll find peace at the Soylent.' And something tells me it's to the south."

Vance heard the name, recognized it as far more than the old prison in Etrenank where people were reprogrammed. Recognized it as something far worse.

"No, I can't let you go there. They'll kill you. There are other ways."

"But...something tells me...it's not exactly like the one in Solaris. Something tells me...this is a good Soylent. That I can be healed there. And if I can, then..."

"You won't be cured. You'll be killed. You're not going there."

"How do you know for sure that they'll kill me? How do you know that I won't be cured?"

"...I just know. Trust me on this, Renk. Please?"

Renk sighed, but it came out like a gurgly growl instead.

"I've never not trusted ya, kid. Okay, for another little while. But if it's the only choice, then let me go."

Vance didn't respond.

"Kid?"

"I'll never let you go, Renk. Out of the question. Sorry, but I can't tell you why."

Renk sighed again. "We'll see, then. Anyway...have you had a good night's sleep in awhile?"

Vance shook his head. "I can't. I still can't sleep."

"I think you should try. You're not looking too hot. And we don't want to both be in bad shape, right?"

Vance nodded. "I - I'll try..."

"Good...now...could you leave me alone for a bit? Go get some sleep."

Vance nodded. "Okay."

But he knew he still would not be able to sleep. Not with Renk being as he was. Far too many bad memories.

oooooooooo

Mist rose over the ground of the Plains of Kislev, its tranquil softness betraying the chaos over the world.

Finn awoke with a start, shaking away the thought that he'd had a nightmare he couldn't remember. Not remembering was likely a blessing.

The fire glowed in the centre of the circle they'd made around it, but Finn was still chilled deep inside himself. So...this WAS real. None of it had been a dream. It...they were gone.

He felt the bandage on his forearm. The wound beneath still throbbed and sent a wave of pain throughout his body, but there were far worse things on his mind than that. He pulled his blanket tighter around himself, but it didn't help. The images were still there. No more point in trying to sleep. He rose and looked around the camp. The dying fire only provided so much light, but he could see Helm and Stratski sleeping on the opposite side. Renk's misshapen form was leaning back on the leg of the worker gear, probably asleep. But Finn didn't see Vance.

Vance was funny in that way. You'd expect him to be one place, but then he'd pop up somewhere else. But only recently, and it made Finn's head hurt. It was so hard to believe the egotistical jerk that Vance had been on Drive was so vastly different now. He was still obsessed with his hair, but he wasn't as cruel and mean. Moody - but certainly not mean. He was even a bit sensitive, and much smarter than Finn had ever imagined. So vast a change, it almost seemed impossible. Finn didn't stop to wonder what Drive had done to his own personality. He knew he didn't want to think about it.

Regardless, Vance was not anywhere nearby. He never seemed to sleep with the rest of them.

_Well,_ Finn thought,_ maybe he's just shy or somethin', and doesn't like sleeping where people can watch him. Wouldn't surprise me._

Finn stood and looked around the camp. It was too dark to see very far, and the plains were probably about as scenic as the desert, anyway. Finn just wanted to leave and go home to Dazil. But he didn't want to wake the others if they were still tired. He'd just have to stay up alone for awhile. That thought worried him. The last thing he wanted at that moment was to be alone.

"This thing's quite an antique," came the voice from behind the gear. Finn hadn't expected Vance to still be up. He'd had just as long a day, if not longer.

Vance lit up his small work lamp, and Finn saw that he was examining something on the gear. At this time of night. Why wasn't he asleep?

"You okay, Vance?"

"Good morning - night - whatever, to you too, Finn."

"Huh? Oh. Well, sorry. Didn't think you'd be up so soon."

"Can't sleep. On a roll. So I decided I'd look over this thing to see how well it's been kept up. Looks pretty good, though. The guys in Dazil knew what they were doing."

Vance stood, wiping off his hands. "Are the others up yet?"

Finn shook his head. "Nah. They still seem pretty tired. And...I can't sleep anymore."

"Yeah. I know that feeling."

Finn glanced at Vance, who looked over another part of the gear's leg absently, as if he was trying to put his mind on something else. He wasn't acting like himself. Then again, it was so hard for Finn to know exactly who Vance was these days, anyway.

"Are you okay, Finn?" Vance asked, not even looking at him.

Finn looked at his arm. Of course it still hurt, but he didn't want to worry Vance too much.

"I'm okay. I'll be okay. It's not bad."

"Yeah...but...I mean...are you REALLY okay? Inside, I mean?"

Finn looked at his feet. How could he possibly answer when he was so jumbled up inside and had no idea how he felt anymore?

"Maybe...I don't know."

"Did you watch them?"

"Watch?" Finn asked.

"Did you see any of them...change?"

"Oh...well...no. But...I saw 'em after. An' that was bad enough."

Vance nodded. "Sure is. We saw Renk. Right there in front of us. If there's any consolation in it... be glad you didn't see that part."

Finn nodded. He sensed Vance's words came from far more than his experiences with Renk.

"So when are we going? Do you think those two have slept enough?" It's been about eight hours since we went to sleep," Vance asked.

"Dunno."

"Well, I guess it's not too bad if they sleep a bit longer. I'm not quite done looking over the gear yet. I just want to make sure it's in top shape before we head out in it."

Finn nodded. It was probably a good thing that Vance was around to check those things. He'd worked in a factory transforming old gears into newer models, but that was hardly the same thing as knowing how to look after them on his own. And seeing as this one was so old, chances were that something was bound to be wrong with it.

"Uh...what's this?" Vance asked, noticing a door close to the gear's legs.

Finn shrugged.

"I think I remember seeing something like this in one of my dad's old books. I think this is a carrier gear. Or it was before it was modified to be a worker gear."

"Carrier? You mean..."

"Yep, a jail transport. I read once that Solaris used to have a jail on the surface a couple centuries ago, but they abandoned it a long time ago. This gear must be from that time. My dad was into all that stuff - gear history and all that," Vance supplied.

"So we won't have to transport Renk in the arms? That means we can go faster than we planned and be back in Dazil in about four hours."

"Four hours? By gear, it should only be about two hours..." Vance spoke.

"Not this gear. It's a snail compared ta the ones we had."

"Well, it's at least three hundred years old. I'm supposing it was state-of-the-art in its time. Four hours will be fine."

Finn heard noise back at the heater. It seemed that Stratski and Helm were finally waking up.

"Good. We can go soon."

"Morning..." Stratski said with a yawn while stumbling over to where Finn and Vance were standing.

"I guess we're all going to ride together in that thing, right? How are we going to transport Renk?"

"Oh, that won't be a problem. There's a small cell here in the leg."

Helm looked up. "Ahh...old jail transport, I see. Maybe a G5-84X...or maybe a C? Hard to tell. It's been modified quite a bit."

"Weird...just looks like a gear to me..." Stratski said. "It starts up, it moves, it stops. That's all I need to know."

"There's one problem, though," Finn spoke. "The cockpit...well...it's a little small."

"How small?" Stratski asked.

"Let me put it this way. When it was just Finn and I, I was squished. Now...MAYBE we could fit you in, Stratski. But Helm...you're tall."

Stratski didn't seem impressed. "I'm still not as short as you..." he muttered.

"Yeah, but Vance probably hasn't finished growing. You don't have an excuse," Helm spoke.

"Shut UP, Vic!" Stratski shouted and lightly shoved Helm, who laughed.

"Never mind. We'll make ourselves fit. It's only for a little while. Who's going to drive?"

"I'm not driving this antique," Stratski said.

"Most of the controls are in Lamb language. I'm weak in Lamb," Vance spoke.

"No translator?" Helm asked.

"From what I can tell, removed a long time ago. Besides, I'm a bit too tired to drive."

"But...didn't you just sleep?"

Vance paused. "Yeah. But...not really enough."

"Well, okay. I'll drive it," Helm spoke. "Since nobody else is offering. Besides... I'm curious to know how this old thing runs."

oooooooooo

Knute wondered why he had agreed to this. As Vance and Finn had stated, the cockpit was tiny, and the four of them just barely fit inside. He only hoped it wouldn't be a long ride.

"Remind me not to do this again if I can help it..." Knute said, adjusting his legs as Finn sat atop them. "Ugh! Finn, why couldn't you have sat at the bottom?"

"What? And get squished by you and Helm? Forget it!"

"It's just that, well, you're a little larger than we are..."

"Aw, don't be such wussies," Finn said.

Knute pouted. "Renk must be having LOADS of fun in his own, special cockpit. I'm half tempted to go sit with him. It'd be far more comfortable."

"Oh, yeah. Gettin' a big CHUNKof your arm ripped off is really comfortable!" Finn said.

"Well...Aaah! Off my arm, Finn! I'm sure it'd be worth it rather than being squished in here. We could duke it out. I'd kick his ass."

"Hey," Vance said, "don't say that!"

"I was KIDDING, Vance. Geez...touchy!"

"Shut up, Stratski!"

"Quiet, guys! I'm trying to fly here, and this machine's not giving me much," Victor said. "It barely goes normal flying speed, much less battle speed."

For a moment everyone fell silent. Finn stretched out his injured arm for a moment, hitting Knute in the face.

"Hey! Finn, you're messing up my hair, here...come on!" Knute said.

"Oh, your poor hair..."Victor chimed in.

"Is this guy inta himself, or what?" Finn exclaimed.

Knute shrugged. "Yep, I am. No point in denying it."

"Hey! I said shut up!" Vance snapped.

Knute tousled Vance's hair.

"Hey! Grow up, Knute..." he retorted.

"Don't tell me having your hair all disheveled doesn't bug you, Vance. Don't worry. I understand."

"It does bug me, but there are more important things to think about now..."

"Vance is right..." Victor spoke. "Like what we're going to do once we get back to Dazil."

Finn sighed. "Part of me doesn't wanna to go. But part of me knows I've gotta. Ya know?"

"So...your whole family...all of them...became like Renk?" Stratski asked.

"Mom and Vehra. Dad...well..." He was choking on the words. Knute felt bad for asking.

"It's alright, Finn. You don't have to talk about it now. It was only yesterday. It must have been awful," Victor spoke.

Finn nodded.

Knute turned away from Finn to see Vance's head droop down, chin resting on his chest.

"Say...look who's nodding off," Knute said, pointing at Vance. Knute tousled his hair again.

"Agh! Stop it!" Vance exclaimed, fully awake again.

"I guess it is a good thing you're not driving, then," Helm said. "This isn't an easy one, everything's in Lamb and you're nodding off."

"I wasn't nodding off!" Vance exclaimed.

"Whatever, whatever...we believe you," Stratski said.

"I don't need sleep. If it looks like I'm doing that again, just hit me."

"Okay," Stratski spoke with an impish tone.

"LIGHTLY! And don't touch my hair."

"Well, okay. Man, you really don't want to sleep. You sure you're okay?" Finn asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I told you...I got enough sleep. It's just been a rough couple of days and I guess I'm still tired. So don't let me nod off like an idiot, okay?"

"Well...okay. If that's what ya really want," Finn said reluctantly.

Knute shrugged. Vance seemed to be his normal, prissy self. In a way, Knute was relieved. The other Vance, though nicer, was odd to him. Sure, he'd gotten a bit used to it, but it hadn't been the Vance he'd known.

Knute looked outside as the desert rose above the horizon. It wouldn't be long before they were back in Dazil. He didn't know what would happen once they got there, but who knew anything about what was going to happen? It was best not to worry about it, and just take it day by day. With the world as it was, it was all he really could do.

oooooooooo

From a distance, Dazil didn't appear any different than the first time they'd stood there staring at it almost a month ago. But Finn knew how it changed. And...he wasn't entirely sure he was ready to revisit it.

He looked over and saw the others, also staring back. He regained a bit of strength from that, and stepped up to the entrance.

"You gonna be okay, Finn?" Renk asked.

Finn let out a long sigh. "Yeah... I'll be okay."

With that, he stepped forward and into Dazil.

Instantly it was different. Definitely different.

Dazil, the town that had just a month ago been buzzing with activity, now might as well have been a ghost town. The only life present on the streets was a small patrol of guards. Otherwise...nothing. They entered cautiously, under the careful scrutiny of the guards. Two of them approached.

"He can't enter!" the larger of the guards barked, pointing at Renk.

"He'll have to be held in the jail if you won't leave!" the smaller guard stated.

"But we have him bound!" Vance said.

"Doesn't matter. His type is unpredictable. For the safety of the town, we have to keep him locked up."

"Well, then...okay. We're leavin'," Finn said, not wanting to be any trouble to Renk.

"No, no...Finn..." Renk interjected. "It's okay. They're right. And you wanna find out about your family. I'll be better off there, honest."

"You sure, Renk?" Finn asked.

"Yeah...it's...not like it matters anymore what happens to me."

Finn looked at his friend for a moment. "Thanks, Renk..."

Renk merely nodded as the larger guard took him forcefully by the arm.

"No! You can't take him! I won't let you!" Vance said, stepping in and trying to free his friend from the guard's grip.

"Vance!" Helm spoke firmly. "We have to let him go. It's best for everyone..."

"It's NOT best for Renk!" Vance exclaimed. "Nobody seems to care about how HE feels in this whole thing! He's not just someone to toss in jail and forget about!"

Vance grabbed one of the guards, who shoved him off easily. "Watch out, boy! Or you're gonna end up in there, too!"

"I don't care! You're NOT taking Renk away! You're NOT!"

"Vance, don't be stupid!" Stratski added.

Finn didn't know how to handle Vance's emotional outburst. He was certainly acting odd. Not how he acted on Drive, but certainly not like the real him, either.

"Vance!" Renk shouted, his voice serious. "Let them take me away! That is an order!"

Vance instantly stopped his rant. "O - order...?"

"Yeah, an order. I'm still your superior officer, and when I command you to do something, you better bloody well do it..."

"But...Renk...I...you..."

"I'll be fine. Now back off..."

Vance hung his head. "I'm...sorry..." he spoke weakly.

"Fine. Now...get some rest and don't worry about me."

Vance nodded, then turned to one of the guards. "Please...treat him well. He didn't want this to happen, and..."

"None of 'em did," the smaller guard said. "We'll treat him well until we all decide what to do or someone finds a way to help 'em."

Vance nodded again and allowed the guards to lead Renk away. Finn sighed in relief. That had ended relatively painlessly. He only hoped that after all this, they would really be able to do something to help Renk out.

Finn glanced over his shoulder to look at Vance, who, despite his earlier outburst, now looked completely drained. But the look on his face could not be questioned. His eyes weren't leaving Renk as they led him away.

"He'll be okay," Finn whispered softly to Vance, putting a hand on his shoulder.

Vance nodded, then took a step forward. As he did so, his knees buckled under him and he fell to the ground. Finn rushed to help him up, filling with a deep worry. He thought he noticed Vance wasn't walking very steadily, but he'd been far too worried about coming home to really give it further thought.

Helm and Stratski also went to Vance's side.

"I - Is it...sunstroke?" Stratski asked.

Finn felt Vance's face. "No. It doesn't feel right."

"Then...what's..." Stratski asked.

"Vance!" Finn shouted, slapping the young man on the cheeks.

"It's like he's having a Drive crash..." Helm spoke.

"I - Impossible," Stratski spoke. "None of us have had access to Drive since we ditched our gears...right?"

Another town guard approached. "The doctor isn't far from here, and he wasn't affected by the plague."

Finn nodded. "I know where he is. We'll take Vance there right away." He swept Vance into his arms and rushed off.

oooooooooo

Only a few minutes passed before the old doctor emerged from his office. Finn had known old Dr. Strop for many years. He'd been a friend of his mother's, and the family's doctor for his whole life in Dazil.

"Finny," he spoke frankly. "When was the last time your friend in there slept?"

"Slept?" Finn asked. He honestly didn't notice. "Helm...youse guys would know better than me."

The other two shook their heads.

"I know he hasn't gotten enough sleep, but I thought Renk was looking out for him...until..." Helm replied. "I - uh...I guess we sort of neglected to think of it..."

"Well, the poor boy's exhausted. He'll be asleep for awhile. A sleep so deep that he's probably going to lose a day or two. Don't worry. It's good for 'im."

"That's a relief. I thought it'd be something tons worse."

"You're lucky it's not. I can tell the boy's body's been ravaged recently, though, by something. But it seems that he's recovering from whatever that was. And this sleep will do him a world of good. Fortunately, it's not this plague."

"Yeah..." Finn spoke, his voice trailing off into his thoughts.

"Finny...I'm sorry about your family. And so soon after you'd finally come home."

"Yeah. Thanks..."

"I want to look after that arm for you and see what I can do. Alone. Your other friends can wait outside. The streets are safe again, so there's no danger. I'll look after your friend for you, as well. He'll be safe in here."

Helm and Stratski nodded and left, catching the hint.

Finn sat down in the doctor's plush chair that was still a bit too small for him. Dr. Strop sat across from him in his own chair and slowly removed Finn's bandages.

"Finny...I'm sorry," the doctor spoke, not daring to look at anything other than the wound.

"What for?" Finn asked, confused.

"That horrible night...so much happened. I holed myself up in my office, like a coward. I didn't rush out to help people, like a doctor should have. I - I've just... never seen such violence before...I didn't..."

"It was bad. I hid, too. And I have seen that sorta thing. It's...how do ya even begin to make sense of somethin' like that?"

"Yes, but I'm a doctor. I should be brave in the face of people being hurt and injured. Instead, I didn't live up to my duty...wow, quite the chunk's been taken out of you. Does it hurt much?"

Finn thought about it honestly. It had eased up a little. "Not too bad..."

"Hmm... Still, I should disinfect it again. You just never know..."

Finn nodded.

The doctor continued with his earlier topic. "I let the entire town down. If I'd been there, I might have saved someone's life. And that would have made it all worth it. Even if I'd been killed."

"Don't be silly, Dr. Strop. Then you wouldn'ta been here to help Vance out."

"True enough. But...my regret runs even deeper than that."

"What happened?"

"I tried to make them wait. I tried to give them all decent burials. But the ones who did it aren't from Dazil. They didn't understand...they didn't listen to me. And they did have a point. I had no idea if the plague was contagious or not. I've never seen anything like it, so I couldn't know. I still don't."

"What're you telling me?" Finn was still confused.

"Your family, the mutants and those who were killed by them...they gathered them up and quickly burned them in the desert, and buried the ashes deep in the sand. Without dignity. Nameless."

"Nameless?" Finn said, that word striking a chord in him. he hadn't remembered before Dr. Strop had mentioned it. In Dazil, if someone was buried nameless, their souls were forever lost. Even the unknown men who were found in the desert, their lives lost, were then given a name and burned peacefully with the marker so their souls could rest.

"I rushed to get markers for all the dead, but they didn't give me time to name everyone. They'd already gathered everyone up before I even came out of hiding. And there were just so many dead..."

"Mom? Dad? Vehra?"

Dr. Strop shook his head. "I'm so sorry, Finny. So sorry..."

They had all died so horribly, and now... nameless...

"I shoulda stayed and named 'em myself. But...I didn't know what to do. And...I didn't remember the nameless thing. I'm sorry... "

"The fault was mine. I pleaded for more time, but it wasn't granted. They wanted to burn them quickly, in case there was a virus. That was the way it was done where some of the guards were from. I can't fault them. They aren't from Dazil, and don't see..."

_Mom...Dad...Vehra..._

_  
_Everyone was gone. Or lost. What if Sera was also dead and nameless? He would never see any of them again.

"So you see...it's my fault that your family now wanders in eternity. It's my fault that you'll never see them again in death."

"Aw...Dr. Strop...nah. That's not how it is at all. Like I said, it shoulda been me. But I couldn't think of what to do either. I left and abandoned them. And now..."

"I guess this is just going to turn into one big pity party then, huh? Well...maybe we should stop and look at ourselves. I guess we're human, aren't we? We've all got our faults, right? And I guess we can't go back in time and fix things."

Finn thought about it. Dr. Strop was right. Of course, it didn't make it any easier. He worried about Sera even more as his mind turned to thoughts of his family. Had it only been three weeks ago since he and Vehra had been standing on the roof under a starlit sky, discussing the future? Had it only been that long since he'd held Sera in his arms and kissed her? So much had happened so quickly. A sharp brain like Helm's could probably handle all this change, but Finn didn't know how. But he had to try. And hope.

"The bite will heal over time. But I can't guarantee it's going to look pretty. It's probably going to scar up pretty bad."

"Dr. Strop...I - I'll...I'll be okay."

"Finny...please start calling me Marcel. You're a grown man now, and it's about time. I remember when you were just a lad. But now you're a man...and a great one. I can tell. I'm so glad you're back in Dazil. Despite what happened here."

"Thanks...Dr. Strop."

"Finny..."

"Uh...Marcel?"

The old doctor nodded. "Actually, that does sound a little weird coming out of you, but...it's time." The doctor stood. "I suppose I should check on your friend one more time. He'll be comfortable here, and I'll make sure of that. I'll transfer him to a bed, and he'll sleep like a baby until his body's ready to wake up again. From there...you're all going to have to make sure he's taking proper care of himself."

Finn nodded. "I'll do it myself. My other friends won't be much help after Renk's gone."

"I trust you will. But...you'll be fine, right?"

Finn sighed. "Yeah, I will."

"Good. But...what are you going to do from here? Are you going to stay in Dazil?"

"I'm going home first. I have some things I hafta do there. But...after that, I think I'm going to go back and travel with my friends. Not sure where we're going yet, though. I guess we're not going anywhere until Vance wakes up, though, huh?"

"I imagine not." Dr Strop looked toward the examining room. "Well, I best get on with checking on him, and you on with what you have to do."

"Yeah...I guess so..."

"Then hopefully I'll see you, Finn. You're always free to drop by."

oooooooooo

_Nameless... Lost..._

_  
_Finn wandered around the small home that he'd only found again a little less than a month before. In that month, he had been showered with so much love. It might as well have been a dream...

It would have been less painful if he'd never seen them again. That way, he wouldn't know the looks on their faces as they died. But he also knew that he would never go back and change that. He was so happy that he'd had a chance to let them know he was alive. They were a great family, and they deserved as much.

He opened a small door in the corner of the house. This was an old storeroom that they'd never used for anything but now it would serve as a special place for the ceremony.

"I think you liked this, Vehra. I hope this is it. It's so hard ta know. It's been so long since I been here."

He set a small trinket on a table, next to two other items he'd personally picked of his family's.

"Laid out in a row..." Finn whispered to himself. "Ven Broyer, Edda Broyer, Vehra Broyer..." He placed the small markers atop the items, their names written neatly on them.

This is what he had decided to do for his family. What he supposed were his family's most treasured possession laid out in a row, with their names drawn onto a separate piece of parchment paper and left for the lost souls to find and keep in their travels. It wasn't quite the same as naming someone who had died, but it was the best Finn could do for them.

"I'm sorry, youse guys..." he spoke softly. "I shoulda stayed and named you proper. I don't know why I ran off, anyway... Okay...sorry. That's a lie. I do know why I did it. I didn't remember about naming until Dr. Strop mentioned it. They took that stuff out of my brain, and I just forgot! Otherwise I woulda stayed and named ya. Honest, I woulda. And... I ran off too because... well... my friends mean a lot to me. 'An there was a chance they were still alive. I had ta know. Still...that's no excuse for abandoning youse guys."

He waited to hear his father use some cutting, but true retort. Something like, _"Finn, you knucklehead! Hell yeah you had to go to your friends! They mean so much to ya!"_ But he only heard it in his mind.

"You're right, dad. I know you'd say something like that. I know. But...I still feel really bad...I guess there's no way to go back and change what happened, huh? Anyway, I suppose it is good I went because I helped find Renk, and Renk needs me just as much."

_"That's right. You're a good boy, Finny..."_ he imagined his mom saying. His mother had always been so encouraging. Of course, he knew he was imagining it.

"Thanks, ma. It really does mean a lot. I know you woulda said that."

_  
"Of course she would. Finn, we died. Your friends were alive, and we all want you to go on with your life."_

"Thanks, Vehra. I know that, too."

Finn reached down into his scripture book and pulled out a piece of paper. He hadn't wanted it to get crunched, so he kept it there. A drawing of a pink-haired woman had been scrolled onto it with a big heart and caption that read "I love Sera forever". He'd stayed up all evening to draw it. He didn't think it was a really good rendition of Sera, but his heart had truly been in it and that was what mattered. He placed it in front of the other items and then placed another piece of parchment atop it.

"Sorry, Sera...I'm not quite sure I spelled your name right. And...my writing in Solarian is sorta bad. I did my best. I guess it'll work just as good."

Of course, he hoped he was being premature with that. But just in case Sera was gone, she'd know that he would always love her.

Finn tried to wipe his eyes, but it was pointless. There was just no way he could keep them dry anymore. He knelt before the small table and merely wept.

oooooooooo

Two days passed and Stratski and Helm had been helping Finn finish some tasks around his home. Finn had decided that he had no more use for the inventory in the store, but he wanted to give Dazil a boost. People were still afraid to leave their homes, and the town might as well have been a ghost town. People were running short on supplies. Finn was concerned by that. He wanted to help, and by giving away the shop's stock, it would help. At least for a little while.

_"Finny! Don't stack 'em boxes too high, now,"_ came the sharp but caring voice.

Finn stared at the boxes piled neatly atop one another. Fortunately, nobody had looted the store while he'd been gone. The guard that had posted himself at the door had been diligent about it, and most people in town were afraid to leave their homes, anyway. Not that it would have mattered. He was the last of the Broyer family, and this was the last of their legacy. He didn't need it anymore. Best to give it away to people who needed it far more than he did.

Finn silently packed away the inventory from the store, while Helm and Stratski had offered to pack up the personal possessions of his family and have locked them in a secret storeroom that would hopefully remain unscathed until he was settled into a new home. If that ever happened. He also kept a small amount of stock from the store - a good year's worth of valuables and money, but the rest of it was going to help the town get back on its feet. It was all he could really do for anyone right now.

"That's the last of it..." Finn whispered to himself. "And no, dad...I didn't stack 'em too high. Now how am I gonna give this out?"

"Hey, Finn..." Stratski said softly. Finn had heard someone coming, so didn't jump.

"Hey, how's it coming upstairs?" he asked.

"Well...Vic and I hope we've done it right. Looks like you're pretty much done here."

Finn nodded. "Pretty much. I was just tryin' ta think of a way ta give the stuff out."

"Hmm...well...how about a one G sale? Everything, absolutely everything, is just one measly G. That's as good as giving it away for free. And believe me, it'll get the people out of their homes and liven this place up again, even if just for a bit."

"You sure that'll work?"

"Were you ever in Etrenank during any big sale? People are crazy, I tell you. You should know how it is, being from this background, really. Your family never had a sale?"

Finn thought back to a time when his parents had a huge sale and it how busy it had been. Yeah, maybe that plan would work.

"You and Helm are gonna help, right?"

Stratski nodded. "Nothing else to do around here, really. So why not help a friend?"

Finn grabbed Stratski in a tight embrace. "Thanks...I owe youse guys so much!"

"Ow...er...Finn...you can thank me by...letting go of me..."

Finn realized what he was doing and released Stratski. "Uh...sorry."

Stratski coughed in response.

"By the way...have you guys been to see Vance and Renk today? I've gotta go later, but I've been kinda busy up to now today."

"Yeah. Vance is still sleeping. And Renk...well..."

"Not doin' so hot?"

"He growled at us and told us to go away. But...then he started to go on about going to the Soylent. You know...like the Soylent prison back in Solaris."

"He must be cracked. The Soylent's gone now, isn't it?"

"Maybe this is a different Soylent? We know sometimes Solaris had places built here on the surface. Maybe a Soylent facility, too."

"Ida know..."

"What are we talking about?" Helm asked as he walked downstairs.

"Renk," Stratski spoke.

"Oh," Helm stated, then became very quiet.

"Any ideas, Helm?" Finn asked.

"Well...yeah. I gave it a bit of thought. But...I don't really like my conclusions much."

"You're thinking that if the place still exists, that we should take him there. Right?" Stratski spoke.

Helm nodded. "Look, even if this is the same as Solaris' Soylent... Renk wants to go. He thinks it will give him...I don't know...SOME sort of salvation. Freedom from his pain. I don't like to think of what that means, but...as it stands, it's only a matter of time before we lose him completely, anyway. He knows it, too. And for all we know, that could be far worse. For him and us. So no, I don't like it at all. But I don't see as we have much choice. What do you guys think?"

Finn remained silent, but Stratski spoke, "You're probably right, Vic. But...if we do it, we should wait until Vance wakes up so he can say goodbye. You know how those two are."

Finn nodded. Yeah, Helm and Stratski were right, after all. This was what was best for Renk. What sort of life would he have as he was? Finn knew how dangerous it could be. Renk would never want to hurt people he cared about, but like he was...

Finn looked down at his bandaged arm. _I know ya didn't mean it, Renk..._

Yes, death was probably less painful than allowing Renk to turn more violent. And...if somehow it turned out that it was true and the Soylent could truly heal Renk, then it would be worth it.

"Yeah, youse guys are right. Vance should be wakin' up any time now, Marcel told me last night. As soon as we have the sale and Vance is awake, we'll take Renk to the Soylent thing. It's what's best."

Helm and Stratski nodded.

"After that's all done... I guess there's nothin' left here in Dazil for me, anyway. Maybe if the world ever goes back to normal, I'll come back. But not now."

"Same with us," Helm said. "There's no point in me going back to Nortune just yet. I'll wait until the world is back on its feet. Right now..." he looked at Stratski. "I just want to be with you guys and help you all see this through."

"Really?" Stratski said, his tone relieved. "That's great to hear, Vic."

Helm nodded. "I don't know what's ahead, but I'm going to take a risk on this one. My dad said the offer would stand for awhile. So...there's no real hurry. Heh...I'm still young. I've got lots of time. I hope."

"Yep, sure do, Vic."

Finn sat down on a wooden crate. "Good youse guys are so sure. I feel bad leaving, but I know I hafta."

"Yeah. And just think, Finn... It gives you a chance to look for Seraphita. I'm sure she's fine and probably waiting for you somewhere. You would never find her just sitting around here moping in Dazil," Stratski said.

"Yep, that's true," Helm agreed.

"Yeah, youse guys are right, I guess. Well, I hope you are. About Sera being okay an' all."

"You'll never know until you seek her out, right? So come with us."

"Yeah...but...come where?"

Stratski and Helm fell silent. They didn't know what was next, either.

_Never mind,_ Finn thought. _I'm just gonna keep looking for Sera..._

_  
Sera...please be out there..._

oooooooooo

_Voices...urgh...so loud..._

"He's wakin' up, youse guys..."

"It's about time!"

"That's a good thing. I hope he's alright now."

Vance heard their buzzing in his ears, but still didn't have the ability to move. Yes, this felt exactly like reviving from a Drive crash, even though it couldn't possibly be one. His head spun, even though he'd opened his eyes. It would take a few moments to revive and focus again.

"Dizzy..." he muttered without even realizing he'd said it aloud.

"Ya okay, Vance?" Finn asked.

"I'll be fine...just...be quiet for a minute and let the room stop spinning, okay?"

The others seemed to back off, and that was a good thing. He would be fine, after all. And he hated people fussing about.

Eventually Vance was able to sir up and look around.

"Where am I?" he asked. He didn't recognize this place.

"We're in Dazil, still. This is the doctor's office. You've been sleepin' a long time."

"How long?" he asked Finn.

"Two days now."

Two days? Even with the worst Drive crash he'd ever had, it had only been a day at the most. But...he admitted that he felt refreshed. A bit stiff from sleeping so long, but not that overall heavy, tired feeling he'd gotten so used to. He shook out his arms, which were a bit numb.

"So you're feeling okay, Vance?" Finn asked.

"Yeah...fine now. I guess I was just a little tired."

"A LITTLE? Shesh..." Stratski scoffed.

"Dr. Strop said you were exhausted. Don't do that again, okay? We'll remind ya ta sleep if ya want."

"Yes, we will. Is there some reason why you don't want to sleep?" Helm asked.

_A reason? Of course there's a reason. But it's not your business._

_  
Sleep...the only one I trust to wake me up before the nightmares begin is..._

"How's Renk?" Vance asked.

The others fell silent.

"What? What's going on?"

"Well...it's a good think you're awake now," Helm said, stepping forward.

Vance's heart began to beat fast. "Is he okay?"

"Well...he's getting worse. And...well..." Helm sighed.

Stratski stepped in. "He keeps talking about this place called the Soylent where he'll find salvation. We don't know if it's the same one like in Solaris, but he seem convinced this place can help him. So we were going to take him there. But we didn't want to do it until you were awake again. Because...well... if it means that Renk's gonna die, we wanted you to be able to say goodbye..."

As Stratski spoke, Vance's heart raced. The Soylent...

"We aren't taking him. I refuse to take him," he said.

"But...if this place can find him salvation, then..."

"WE AREN'T TAKING HIM!" _I will never let anyone go to the Soylent...never..._

"But, Vance..."

"NO! We are not taking him! I have my reasons, and I already TOLD Renk we're not going to take him! Nobody I care about is going to ever go there!"

The room was silent again.

Finn spoke, "Y'know...maybe we should all go visit him. I haven't gone today yet and I'm sure Renk would like ta know you're okay now, Vance."

Vance looked at his feet. "Sure. I think I should...and...I'm a lot better now."

"But...just so you know...he's a bit different from when you last saw him," Helm spoke.

A brief vision from the past flashed in Vance's mind. He quickly turned it off and tried not to think of it.

"I'll be okay. He's still Renk...no matter what happens. You guys have to think that, too."

oooooooooo

The few other mutants that had been captured and jailed whimpered and growled as Vance and the others walked by the other cells. The late day sunlight beamed into the jail, providing the only light. At the far end of the hall, a single lamp burned on the sill of a boarded window across from the last cell. That was their destination.

Vance peered inside, expecting the worst. Renk was curled up in a corner, hidden in shadow. He'd likely heard them coming, for he was awake and peering at them with piercing blue eyes that somehow glowed. His body was even more misshapen now, and he stood on all fours like an animal.

He emitted a low growl and his glance didn't even seem human anymore. He was a wild animal, ready to tear them all apart if they came too close. And if there hadn't been bars between them, then things would have become dangerous.

"Um...hello, Renk. I'm awake...and feeling much better," Vance spoke cautiously.

Renk's expression did not change. The growling grew louder.

"Um...Renk...er..."

"Good ta see ya, Renk," Finn stepped in. "I know it's late. Sorry I missed comin' ta see ya earlier. But yeah...look. Vance is awake and all better."

The growling stopped, and Renk was silent.

"Y you " Renk said weakly. "You're awake. Thank - thank God..."

Renk tried to make himself even smaller in the corner of his cell.

"Vance...please...take me to the Soylent...please..."

"I can't do that, Renk."

"Damn you..." Renk said lowly. "Take me to the Soylent. That's...that's an order..."

"Sorry, Renk. I'm not doing it."

Renk jumped suddenly, making them all start.

"DAMN YOU! TAKE ME!"

"We...we were gonna...then Vance..." Finn spoke numbly.

"Yes, that's true. I refuse to do it. And I refuse to let any of you do it," Vance spoke calmly.

"Don't you see it's the only chance I have to end my pain and give me salvation?"

"No. It's not going to do any of that. You'll thank me for this, Renk."

Vance turned away from him.

"Please, Vance...please..?"

Vance looked at the others, completely ignoring Renk's pathetic pleas.

"He's stubborn. I don't know what to say to change his mind. I already told him I wasn't taking him on the first night."

Finn spoke up, "I know how you feel about it, Vance. But you've gotta face it. What kinda life is Renk gonna have like this? At least if he goes to Soylent, we can do something for him."

"Yeah, get him brutally killed! I'm not taking him there, okay! So just stop even thinking about it." Vance stared back in Renk's direction for a second, trying to decide if he should finally explain more about himself. He'd kept it hidden for so long, and the idea of speaking about it frightened him a little. But he knew that this was the time. This might be what it would take to convince them. Never mind if it would make him look weak. This was for Renk's own good.

"I have to tell you guys a story. Maybe that will make you listen to me. Anyway...they thought they brainwashed me when they brought me and my family to Solaris. Like they brainwashed everyone else. Doesn't work on everyone, though. Not on me. I knew if I told them otherwise, they'd probably kill me. So I kept my mouth shut and just went on with my life. They gave me a job working with computers, and me, being a goofy kid, thought I'd try to find some way to escape Solaris with my family. I learned how to hack into their computer system. One day I was looking for a way to get out of Solaris when I stumbled by top secret information on the Soylent System. I read things I'd never imagined were possible. Exactly what the Soylent System is - its purpose...everything. It was far more than a jail and reprogramming center. It was even far more than an execution facility. It was...well...it was torture. You know, they didn't just kill the demi-humans and those sent there. They experimented on them and even turned them into what Renk and the others are now. Wels...they're called Wels. And...when they were done with their experiments, they needed to do something with the waste and useless specimens. That was the Soylent's main function. It was a recycling facility. Let me just say...that ever since, I haven't been able to eat that 'mystery meat' in a can..." Vance saw the others wince a bit. "Anyway... when I discovered this information, Solaris detected the security breach and led it back to me. Do you know what they did to me as punishment for hacking into their computer system? They forced me to watch " Vance choked on the words for a moment, took a deep breath, then continued. "They forced me to watch as they turned my whole family into Wels. Dad...mom...my baby sister... I watched them totter around like helpless animals and then was made to watch as they discarded them in the Soylent like livestock. They forced me to watch the whole process. You don't want me to explain it. It was horrifying. Then they sent me for re-programming. It didn't work on me again. They assigned me to the military, and I was forbidden from touching vital computers again...supposedly programmed me that way. But they didn't have to worry. That time fear kept me in line. But the nightmares still haven't gone away..."

"Whoa..." Finn spoke, seemingly overwhelmed by the whole thing. "I never knew...I'm sorry, Vance."

"Hmph! Never mind. It's okay. I don't like to think about it."

So there it was. Everything was all before them... and not one them was laughing or pointing blame. Not one voiced that they thought he was weak or stupid. In fact, they seemed to be saddened by it. They actually seemed to care. And that was far better than he could ever have hoped. What good friends these guys had become. He looked at them as friends before, but not...not quite like he saw them at that moment. Maybe this thing really had brought them all together. Strange that it took something so dire.

"If it's as bad as you say, we can't send Renk there. You're right," Helm said. "Maybe maybe there's another place that can help him..."

"Well...we don't know about a place like that. So let's look for one," Stratski said. "After all, we're not really doing anything else at the moment, are we, guys?"

"There is no place like that...there's...only...the Soylent...it's the only way..." Renk chanted.

Helm stepped forward. "Renk, give us just two more days. We'll find something. And if we don't, well, then..."

"We'll FIND a way!" Vance interrupted.

Helm shrugged. "Okay. We will, then."

oooooooooo

Two days...how quickly they passed. Vance had spent the entire two days trying to find some sort of solution...but he came up empty. The others had helped him off and on, but their minds were busy preparing for the sale of the store's inventory. Helm had made a wholehearted effort, staying up until the wee hours of the morning to help on the first night, but Finn and Stratski had their hands full with the sale. Vance supposed it was a good cause, but he wished they'd merely waited two days.

_This library is useless! I need someone who understands Lamb to help me. All of these Ethos books are too complex for me to understand completely. Damn...I need Helm. Or Stratski. I think Finn might even get them more than I do._

_They've given up on Renk already. They don't have to tell me so. The fact they're not HERE makes that pretty obvious. They were humouring me the entire time. I should have known..._

_Well...two days or two months... it doesn't really matter. If they insist on taking him, I'll go somewhere with Renk where the others won't find us. I won't let history repeat itself. I won't let someone else I care about die like that._

Vance closed another book and put his head in his hands. He felt exhausted again, for he hadn't slept since he'd woken up from his long sleep. The words he didn't understand became a jumble of letters before him as he fought to keep his eyes open.

"No...I can't fall asleep. I have too much work to do." He slapped his own cheeks and massaged his eyes, which made him feel slightly refreshed. He went back to the book and read on.

"In the land of Zeboim...there were...na...nano...some kind of machine. But...what do the they mean by that? Okay, I won't let myself get marred by that. Just move on, Vance. Okay...they were some kind of machine that could recon - reconstruct...What the heck is 'reconstruct'? I wish my parents had bothered to teach me more Lamb right about now...reconstruct damaged...shells? No, they can't mean that. That makes no sense. Maybe it's some other word that's close to that. But...I don't know..."

Vance put his head in his hands again. "I just don't understand this...this isn't going to work..."

"Say, Vance..."

Vance heard the voice, but didn't look up. He knew who it was.

"What is it, Finn? I'm sort of busy here..."

Finn sat down at the table across from him, looking awkward. "Vance, you should get some sleep, okay? You can pick this up again later. We'll come and wake ya up when the sale is over. That should give ya more than enough time ta get some rest."

Vance stared at Finn for a moment. Inwardly, he thanked Finn for caring about his wellbeing, but Renk was of far more concern to him.

"Finn...do you suppose you could...read this for me? And tell me what it says?"

Finn looked a bit afraid, as if he was sitting before a difficult test that he hadn't studied for. "Me? Well...I'm not too good at this stuff...but I can sorta try."

Vance passed it over to Finn, who looked at the words.

"Uh...in the land of Zeboim, there were...what is that?"

"Dunno. I've never heard of them before."

Finn read the next part aloud to himself in Lamb, and Vance understood it just about as much as he had when he'd read it. Finn paused a moment, thinking.

"Uh...I don't know how to say this in Solarian. It's really complicated...I'm so sorry, Vance."

Vance sighed. Well, at least Finn had tried. But he just wasn't good enough at these things, either.

"Well..." Finn said, standing up. "I just came in ta remind ya ta sleep. So you'd better get some sleep. Renk would want ya to."

"Um...thanks, Finn..."

Finn nodded and left. Vance watched after him, thanking his friend silently. But he couldn't listen to him. Vance still had work to do.

He sat for a moment, thinking, rubbing more tiredness from his eyes.

_  
I'm sorry, Renk. I'm trying. I really am. But...I'm not good at this, either. But I will find something. If only there were just one or two good books in Solarian, this would be no problem. But...I guess this is all there is left. I guess if I'm forced to live here, I need to learn to read properly. But I don't have time for that right now. I have to save Renk._

Vance stared at the words, and they made even less sense the more he read. The letters began to dance, then blur...and he fell asleep.

"No! I don't want to see!"

Shadows loomed over him, held him against the glass wall.

"This is your fault. Your punishment..." the cruel voice rose from behind him. "Start the process...fast track...but don't overdo it. The guilty are meant to suffer."

His eyes focused on his mother, his father and his little sister, all terrified, and staring back at him with horrified expressions.

"Big brother...why are they doing this?" his sister cried, too young to understand. Unfortunately, he wasn't.

The sea of images flooded over Vance. The people he loved, the people he'd tried so hard to get out of Solaris so they could return home were now dying as a result of his actions.

His father's spine withered and twisted into a horrible, misshapen form and his fingers grew into long, claw-like rods, the skin falling off the bones and leaving them raw.

At first, Vance was too shocked by what he witnessed to think of looking away. His mother screamed. She was a woman who looked very much like him, chestnut brown hair and blue eyes. But...terrified. Vance could tell she was as she watched what happened to her husband.

_Don't be scared, mom...please...don't be scared..._

A boil grew on his mother's arm...two...three...dozens...

She screamed, brushing at her arms frantically.

_Don't be scared mom... Oh, God...please don't be scared..._

Tears ran from his eyes, and he shut them quickly.

"Open your eyes!" the shadow shouted.

"I can't! I can't!"

"Part of your sentence is to watch!"

_No..._

_  
No more..._

_  
I don't want to see anymore..._

"Please stop! I'm sorry I did it! I'll never do it again! Please...stop..."

"It's a bit late for apologies now, boy."

"Please take me! Let my family go! I'll do whatever you want...oh, God...please stop..."

Laughter. The shadow was laughing. Cutting into his soul.

"Watch, boy!" a second shadow said, grabbing his head and forcing his vision back on the lab.

His eyes fell on his mother again, who didn't even look like his mother anymore. Her head sat atop a two-foot neck, as her torso rested atop two thin, reedy legs. Her arms dragged on the ground. Her screams still rose in the air, showing her terror and pain, and forever etching themselves in his mind.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a much smaller figure, cowering in the corner. Chelsa sat, looking very small, and even more terrified. But still unchanged. Maybe...

"Please spare my sister...please...she's only eight years old...she's never done anything to anyone..."

"Sure. We'll spare her the pain of being an orphan...that's for sure." More laughter. They were enjoying this. What sort of horrible person would enjoy something so awful?

"Please, I beg you! Have mercy...stop this...put them...PLEASE PUT THEM ALL BACK THE WAY THEY WERE!"

"Silly boy...there IS no way to do that. Not that we would, anyway. Now watch...the show is still going on."

"No...no...let me look away...at least don't make me watch anymore!" he pleaded.

"When one commits a crime, they must suffer the consequences. It is because of what you did that they must suffer like this!" another harsh male voice barked.

The shadow held Vance's head up straight again and grabbed his eyelids, holding them open.

"We aren't done yet. The show is just beginning..."

Chelsa looked up in shock, as if she had been stricken. She screamed only a moment before her face distorted into an odd shape...and her nose the mouth that had normally held her joyous smile was no longer there. She raised her hands to her neck, as if she couldn't breathe.

She's...choking...Oh, no...oh NO!

His mother just wouldn't stop screaming...

His sister wouldn't stop crying and trying vainly to gasp for air...

His father, completely bent and misshapen, just curled up on the ground and began to emit hideous, inhuman screeches...

Renk...his bones twisted and bent, also appeared and screamed... his voice blending in with the others...

Vance screamed and awoke abuptly... He jolted upright and told himself that he was awake, in the library, and far away from that day.

They were still there...the nightmares would never go away...now that Renk had found his way into them, he would also haunt them.

He wiped the sweat from his brow, and felt numb and shaky all over. There was only one chance for him to get some sleep...only one person who would warn him if he began to dream...

"Renk..." he whispered, rising weakly and heading off towards the jail.

oooooooooo

Vance's eyes narrowed as he came out of the confines of the dark library into the bright midday sun. He heard the nearby commotion from the direction of the store. People were crowded around the tables, snatching up goods as if they'd never shop again. But Vance didn't care. He only had one thing on his mind - Renk.

The prison had changed little in three days. The sun streamed in, casting light on the other mutants, who reached out towards him. The only inmate in darkness was Renk. Vance didn't know why the window before Renk's cell had been boarded up, but he was too tired to question it.

Vance sat down by the bars of Renk's cell, staring inside. Renk's eyes were closed, but Vance didn't think he was asleep. Good.

"Renk..." he spoke softly.

Renk's eyes opened and he looked right at Vance, so normal, so much like his old self that Vance imagined him as he'd been before.

"Kid...what are you doing here?"

Without explanation, Vance found himself blurting it out. "I'm sorry, Renk. I'm so sorry...but...I can't do anything. I didn't find a way to help you...but...I still...I don't want you to go. I can't or my nightmares will get worse. I still can't sleep...they just keep coming. Getting stronger, not weaker...and I'm so tired... Renk...please...watch over me as I sleep. I...the only way is to wake me up before the nightmares...before they-"

"Kid...kid...calm down...calm down, okay?"

Vance didn't notice that he was almost hyperventilating. He stopped his rant and forced himself to breath heavily twice. He then looked at Renk. "You're okay... You're acting... Are you getting better?"

"No...I wish I could say that, but I'm no better. I still have good and bad moments. But...fewer good. You're lucky I'm having one now... I dunno how long it's going to last. So...you better get closer to the wall so I don't hurt ya..."

"I don't care..." Vance spoke. "I don't care anymore. I'm...too messed up. And too much of a coward to do it myself. And...I wouldn't mind if it was you. It's the only way to stop the nightmares now..."

"Well...I don't want it to be me. You never asked if I wanted that. And I sure as hell don't. It's bad enough I hurt Finn. If you're too cowardly to do it, then it shouldn't be done. Besides...have you really tried to fight the nightmares? Seems that you tend to just give into them. You're a soldier. Treat them like an enemy and just fight 'em."

"I'm no soldier, Renk. I've never been a soldier. The Vance on Drive is the soldier. I'm just a weak coward..."

"The Vance on Drive is also a real asshole. Kid...you're stronger than this. Way stronger. Look at it this way. You're weak because you're tired. And you're tired because you're scared of sleeping. One of the links in the chain has gotta break, Vance. Might as well be the good one. And stop talkin' about dying. It's not your time yet. Now back away from the bars and sit against the wall or I'm not going to talk to you anymore."

Vance hesitated, then backed away.

"Thanks, Vance. That made me a bit stronger..."

Vance sat quietly for a minute, not saying anything. He just stared at Renk, but his eyes were more distant. Somehow, Vance knew this would be one of the last times he'd see Renk. There was nothing else he could do to change this. That didn't make it any easier.

But maybe...maybe he hadn't tried hard enough to convince Renk. Maybe...

"Renk, I can't let you do this. I can't let you throw your life away over nothing."

Renk sighed again then looked at his misshapen feet.

"Nothing, kid? Look... I'm sorry, but you guys...you guys, it's all time you went on with your lives. Forgot about me. This changed world wasn't meant for me, I guess. Now that I don't have Ayra and Danie, I have no more reason to live and suffer like this. But you and Knute and Victor and Finn, you go out and make the best of what you've got left."

"Renk..."

So he was serious. This...was there anything he could say?

"I know you mean well, kid. I know you guys care about me more than you should. I'm flattered by that, just so you know. I look upon you guys like brothers, too. Even in some cases, sons. But my life is over. It's been over since the day Solaris fell. I lost everything I loved, except you guys. You're the only reason I haven't taken my life since. But fate's decided what's going to happen to me now. I'm going to die, and I welcome it. The closer I'll be to Ayra and Danie, you know. I can't wait to see them. Ayra with that bright smile of hers, and Danie bounding up to me with nothing but admiration in her eyes. I miss that, Vance. I want to hold Ayra again, hold Danie again, and make the promise that this time, nothing's going to happen to them. That we'll be together from then on in. Meanwhile, you guys, fate's decided to let you live. So make the best of it, okay?"

Vance paused, staring at Renk. Yes, it was over. He knew it. But...then what?

"Renk, what will we do if you go away? You're like a father to us, Renk."

"Yeah, I know. Especially to you, but..."

"Renk, since my father died, you're the only one who came even close to being a father to me. You took me into your home. You let me become part of your family whenever I wanted. I know the Drive eventually scared them away, and I'm sorry about that. I didn't mean for it to happen, but I just couldn't live with the nightmares anymore. It's the only way I got through every day."

"Yeah, kid, I know. Most of us have almost overdone it with the Drive at some point. Sure, yours was a doozy, but you know better now. Ayra never came out and said anything, either. I explained to her what it was. She hated the way it changed you. She hated the way it changed me. She always begged me not to take that stuff, but you know...orders and all. None of that matters now, really. We don't ever have to take that stuff again. And I don't want to catch you taking that stuff again, 'cause I'll be watching you. You don't need that stuff anymore. You're stronger than that, Vance."

"I know."

Vance sighed inwardly. Renk really did know him far too well.

"So...are you going to let me go to the Soylent?"

Vance looked at the desperation in Renk's eyes, the physical pain, the emotional pain. This really was the only way, as much as he hated the idea.

"Well...Renk, I...I think...whatever you really want to do..."

The mutant man's eyes softened. "Thanks, Vance. You do see..."

"I hate it. I really hate it. But I do."

"Well, then...let me go..."

Vance looked at his feet. "Okay. I'll take you there."

"Thanks, kid," Renk spoke.

"We can leave tonight."

Renk appeared to smile, even though it was hard to tell. "Well, I can wait just a little longer. You, on the other hand, need some sleep, dontcha?"

Sleep...so Renk was going to watch over him one last time...

"Thank you, Renk..."

"Yeah, yeah. Don't thank me. It's what I'd do for anyone I care about, okay? Now get some rest. But...I want you to at least try and fight 'em for me. When you see the visions come, force somethin' funny to come into your mind instead. Or whatever. Just do something. Don't just sit and watch."

Vance nodded. Maybe it was about time he fought them. If he still had the strength to. He leaned back against the stone wall and began to close his eyes.

"That's it. Close your eyes and get some sleep. I can wait just a bit longer. We'll go tonight."

Vance opened his eyes again and looked at Renk sympathetically. "You know you're going to die, and you're not scared?"

"No. I guess not. Well, okay. Maybe a little. But... please don't be sad, Vance. I had a good life. And all good lives come to an end eventually, right?"

Vance forced a smile. "Right."

He closed his eyes and tried to give himself a bit of strength before drifting off to sleep.

The visions came, pouring from his subconscious, trying to make him relive that day. Yes, they came. But the voices were muddled and the images slightly faded. But he could still hear those horrid screams...

_Never mind the screams...you're dreaming. This isn't real. It was, once. But no more. This will never happen again. After Renk, never will the people I love die like this...by my hand..._

The thought gave him strength to endure the visions, sit through their entirety. In order to fight them, he'd have to face them again. But he was the one in control now. That made all the difference.

Eventually the vision faded into other mundane dreams... It had been far too long since he'd had a normal dream. And he welcomed it.

oooooooooo

Vance slowly walked back to the Broyer house, where he knew the others would be. They'd probably all be asleep, so he decided he wouldn't wake them. He'd thought for a moment of just taking Renk by himself, but he'd quickly decided that wouldn't be fair, in case the others wanted to say goodbye.

It probably wasn't as late as Vance thought because the lights in the house were still on.

"We still ended up making 500G. Not at all bad, if I do say so myself," Stratski spoke, sitting before the counter with several stacks of money. "But...whew! The women in this town are crazy! I've never seen them act that way, even back in Etrenank."

"They're desperate, Knute. They need the stuff, so they go temporarily crazy," Helm said.

"Well...I just hope they enjoy their stuff..." Finn said.

"They will, Finn. They will," Helm spoke, patting the huge man on the back."

"Um..." Vance spoke, walking inside. "I'm back. And...I just finished tuning up the gear."

Stratski looked up from the money. "Why? Going somewhere?"

"Well...yeah. I've decided...I'm going to take Renk to the Soylent tomorrow morning. So... if any of you want to say goodbye, then..."

"Don't be stupid, Vance," Stratski said.

Vance was taken aback. "Huh?"

"What do you mean you're going?" Stratski said.

"I said I'm taking Renk to the Soylent. What's so hard to understand about that?"

"You don't get what I mean. What I mean is...you're going alone? Not a chance. I'm coming, too."

"Right. Me, too," Helm chimed in.

"Yeah!" Finn agreed. "There's nothing left here for me in Dazil. So...why not?"

"Besides...we don't want Renk to be alone, either. We all want to be there. Right, Knute?" Helm said.

Stratski and Finn nodded.

Vance should have supposed they would have all come. But the thought that they were all going to be there with him helped his further come to the realization that this was the right thing to do. It was what Renk wanted. And it was true...the only person who didn't seem to care about Renk's wishes was Vance himself. But he knew now that it wasn't his decision to make.

oooooooooo

"You're crushing my arm again..." Stratski said.

"None of the other gears in Dazil had bigger cockpits?" Helm asked.

"I already told youse guys...this was the best one we had."

"The best, yeah. But what about a larger cockpit? Or at least another one with one of those carrier car things like Renk's in?" Stratski asked.

"I don't think it's going to be long before we're there. Just live with it until then..." Vance grumbled.

Stratski squirmed, trying to free his arm, but said nothing more.

"Ya know...I keep thinkin'..." Finn spoke, "about the best memory I had of Renk. And...I keep thinkin' back to the first time he ever encouraged me. I was still kinda new to gear battling, and Solaris put me in the Special Forces without havin' ta work up or anything. I got kinda overwhirled with it all at first."

"Do you mean 'overwhelmed', Finn?" Helm asked.

"Yeah, I think so. Anyway, after a training mission, Renk pulled me aside and said stuff I still remember. Which was sort of weird 'cause I'd gotten the idea he was kinda a harsh guy 'cause that's how he was in battle. He said, 'Your weakness is your lack of confidence. But Solaris wouldn't ta sent you here battle raw if you didn't have talent. Know that you're good. You're here, and ya earned it. Don't doubt yourself. You could be a bit more like Stratski, ya know.' I didn't get what he meant by the last past at first, but now that I know Stratski, he was prolly talkin' about his ego. Or something."

Stratski laughed. "Yeah, probably."

"Anyway, I still remember that. After that, I tried ta have more faith in myself. Yeah, it's not easier, but I try."

"Funny you should mention that," Stratski said. "Because the first thing that popped in my head was Renk scolding me, having the complete opposite effect of what he said to you. "You're here, so you're good. No need to keep remindin' us. We're all equal here. Nobody's better than anyone else..." or something like that. Of course, then he added, "And don't start even thinking about it. I could kick your ass to the surface and back.'" Stratski laughed. "Yeah, he probably could have, thinking about it."

"That didn't stop you from continuing to gloat, though."

"Why wouldn't I? I know what he said, but I'm still a lot better than you, Vic."

"You wish..."

"What thing do you remember most, Helm?" Finn asked.

"Hmm...well...it isn't much. But I guess it sort of qualifies. ahem He said something like, 'I know that, when push comes to shove...or something like that...I'll always be able to count on you, Helm.' Because we both rode Wandknights, we understood each other's gears the most...and we backed each other up all the time because of that. Those words just stuck with me whenever I needed a boost."

"Which reminds me...why DID you and Renk get the same gears? I always wondered that..." Stratski said quietly to his friend, but Vance heard it.

"Well...I, uh...I'd rather not say."

"So there WAS a reason for it? Don't tell me that...they were grooming YOU to be second-in-command..."

"Okay, I won't tell you."

"Oh, SHUT UP! You were not!"

Finn stepped in to interrupt them, and Vance was happy for it. "What about you, Vance?"

Vance smiled. "I know what it is. But...I'd really rather not say..."

"Hey, no fair..." Stratski said.

"Oh, nah. That's okay," Finn said. "Something said in private should stay in private if it's that sorta thing. If it was just between you and Renk, that's fine."

"Yeah...thanks."

Renk's voice echoed in his mind, _Kid...you're stronger than this. Way stronger. Look at it this way. You're weak because you're tired. And you're tired because you're scared of sleeping. One of the links in the chain has gotta break, Vance. Might as well be the good one._ Vance smiled again. Yes, those words would always stay with him. And he would try to do as Renk asked.

The coastline of an unnamed island in Aquavy appeared in the distance. They were almost there. By the silence in the cockpit, it was clear everyone knew it.

"Well...that's it. In the distance," came Renk's voice over the com.

The four stared at the structure appearing on the horizon ahead of them. So...this was it. The end of their journey. For one of them, at least. Vance tried not to lose it in front of the others, but he found it difficult.

"Okay, Renk. We're going to open your hatch. We'll stay here and...well..." Helm spoke.

"Good...you guys will be much safer in there. I'm glad."

"It's been...well...Renk, we'll all miss you," Stratski spoke.

"Oh, nah. You won't even notice I'm gone."

"Don't joke about that, Renk!" Vance exclaimed.

"What better time TO joke, kid? Well...I'm going. And...thanks for all you've done for me. And for being such a good bunch of guys to work with. You made my life as an officer pretty easy. I couldn't have asked for a better platoon."

More silence. Vance could barely stand it. He heard the hatch below them open, and soon saw Renk rushing off towards the building not far in the distance.

"Open the cockpit...I want to get out..." Vance said.

"Are you crazy?" Stratski asked.

"JUST OPEN THE COCKPIT! Let me get out and then you can close it right up! I can't leave it like this..."

"What more else can you say, Vance? He's dangerous, remember?"

Dangerous...yes... He knew that. But...it didn't seem to matter. He had to go with him. Had to be there when Renk's time finally came.

Vance reached over and pushed the button to open the cockpit and slid out before they could close it on him.

"He's nuts..." he heard Stratski whisper.

"Hey...Vance...be careful..." Finn also spoke.

"I'll be fine. I'm armed. If worse comes to worse..."

Helm sighed. "Well, if you're so determined..."

Vance didn't look back. He ran after Renk and managed to catch up with him.

"What the hell are you doing, kid?" Renk's eyes were panicked. His hands quivered in held back anticipation, but whatever human part remaining in him was fighting the urge to attack. But Vance wasn't afraid. Even if it meant the end of his life to stand there before Renk.

"I'm not going to let you go alone."

"Huh?"

"I'm going inside with you."

"Huh! Ghugh! N - no way. It's gonna be dangerous..."

"I'm not letting it end like this. I want to be there when your time is close. Renk...I mean it."

"I suppose if you let me do my thing, I can let you do yours, stupid as it is. I'll keep an eye on you, make sure the others don't attack ya. But...there are no ghugh guarantees. I can't even say I won't try...I feel like I might...and if that happens, just run...and don't try to save me."

"Whatever. Let's go."

Vance walked in looking around, keeping up with Renk, since he appeared to know where he was going. Vance had to admit, he wasn't prepared for what he saw. He had thought Renk looked bad, but some of these people were far worse off than Renk was. All of them reflected that look of physical pain and desperation as they pleaded to the higher powers to allow them to live as they queued in a long line and discovered what their fate would be. It was as Vance suspected - a recycling facility rather than a jail. Certainly the only salvation they would received would be from death. But Renk didn't seem afraid.

Eventually they ended up in the room where they would finally enter the machine and be recycled. He wanted to stay by Renk's side until the very end.

"Kid...this is almost it."

"I know, Renk."

"You're going to have to get out of her somehow."

Vance nodded. "We'll see how it goes. If I get out, I do. If I don't, well...I don't."

"Don't talk like that, kid. Of course you'll get out."

"...I guess it depends on whether I want to get out or not...once you're gone..."

"Don't be stupid. I thought we'd been through this..."

There was a low rumbling from behind them. Vance and Renk turned to face a large container that held the recycled mutants who had come before. It broke open and a hideous beast jumped from the machine and began to attack them.

Vance reacted by pushing Renk out of the way, just as the thing would have grabbed them both and devoured them.

"I don't understand, kid...Why did you save me? I'm gonna die...anyway..." Renk said.

"I guess it was sort of a reflex reaction, you know?"

"I guess we've always watched each others' backs..."

Vance nodded as they heard a back door open into the room. He admitted he was shocked to see the familiar face. A red-headed woman stepped out with two other people and began to attack the large creature. Vance recognized her as their old Lieutenant, Elhaym Van Houten.

"What's she doing here...?" Vance asked.

"Ghhhgggkk..." was all Renk could say as they watched the battle numbly.

Vance watched the battle numbly, unable to put to words the amazing moves of the Lieutenant and her friends. He'd never seen anything quite like it before.

The creature fell to the ground, close to death. But instead of dealing a final blow, Elhaym took her friend's sword and slashed her hand. A warm, red drop of blood fell into the creature's mouth, and it seemed soothed by it. It seemed that it was no different than the mutants. It needed blood to ease the pain of its existence. As it died, it held a peaceful look in its eyes.

Lieutenant Elhaym stood with an odd stance and started speaking strangely, as if the words came from very deep within her. They were haunting, almost as if they came from someone other than her. Ethereal...

"...Don't throw away your dignity as humans...Don't let go of your human heart..." she ended before she fell to the ground. Her friends came to her aid, but Vance didn't concern himself with that. Instead, he looked over at Renk, who was staring at Elly as if she were the voice of God himself. Something she had said had apparently struck a nerve in him, as well as in the hearts of all the other mutants, who now seemed calm and almost normal, besides their appearances.

Renk broke out into a smile and glanced at Vance. His expression had changed so rapidly from that of someone willing and prepared to die to someone with the whole world before him.

"Renk..."

"Let's go to Nisan..." he said. Everything about him seemed to be better. "Let's all go to Nisan..."

Vance nodded, a smile peeking out at the sides of his mouth. Renk had chosen life, and with that, Vance knew things would start to get better for them all.

"Lieutenant..." Vance said, stepping up to her, Renk following him.

She eyed him curiously as he helped her up from the ground.

"V Vance? Vance Nye of the Special Forces?"

He nodded. "I'm not a mutant. I'm here with Renk. He wanted to die, but...now he's going to come back with you to Nisan. I thank you. For everything...you don't know how much this means to us all..."

"Well...you're welcome..." she said.

Vance looked at her with a deep respect he thought he never would. The hope she had brought to Renk and the other mutants was unlike anything he had ever seen. There had to be something about her. He couldn't think of what, but it mattered little.

_If Renk can choose to go on, so can I. I have to be strong. I can make it if I ask for help. I can't just keep it all inside anymore._

**End of Chapter 5**

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

_Endnotes: The original plan for this story was for six chapters and the epilogue. It seems that now I'm going to need an additional chapter in order to conclude everything I want to. You can all blame Knute for that, for finally beginning to speak to me. But the ideas are finally coming for chapter 6 (and 7) so I'm hoping to be a little faster with those. Please, just be patient. I'm determined to finish this story. If I decide to discontinue it, I'll place that information in the summary. But don't expect that to happen. These guys won't let their story be unfinished._

_Also, I am planning a re-write for the first four chapters. There's a possibility I might be melding the first two chapters into one, and what is now chapter 2 is going to be added and tweaked considerably (it will have the most changes). Chapter 1 and 3 are just going to be minor tweaks, with a couple new scenes added. At least the beginning of chapter 4 will be tweaked and new scenes added. I tended to fall into the "tell, don't show" trap that's not so nice. I can do better than that. In addition, I will continue work on chapter six and seven. Thank you all for your patience, and I hope you're enjoying the story._

_**Obligatory Disclaimer:** As much as I'd like to claim Xenogears as my own intellectual property, I am unable to do so, for that honour is already taken by Squaresoft. So yeah. The characters and world belongs to them._

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